I regret putting my name down to attend work Christmas dinner 🤢

[asblindasabat]

My work’s Christmas dinner night out is coming up soon. Nobody else in my department is attending so I will be attending with people in other departments, I don’t really know many of them at all. Even the ones I do kind of know I don’t think I could sit and talk for hours on a night out.

I’m quite introverted and I’m already dreading it. Some might say that it is the perfect opportunity to get to know other people better, and I agree, but I can already envisage myself sitting there at the table not knowing what to say, fake laughing, awkwardly staying silent, tummy rumbling with nerves and then standing around like an idiot with nobody to talk to when everybody is drunk and up dancing as I won’t be drinking alcohol.

I can’t pull out though as I’ve already paid my money and I’ll not get it back. Part of me genuinely does want to go but then a big part of me is super nervous.

Anyone else the same as me and have any tips on how to survive the night out? Thanks

As long as you can remain in control, definitely have a few drinks beforehand. I’m an introvert but alcohol makes me come out of my shell. Just don’t overdo it!

Have you heard of the sunk cost fallacy?
Even if you've lost your money there's no point losing your precious time to something you won't enjoy.

Or go and be ready to make your excuses if you're not pleasantly surprised by how it turns out

Send a message to the person organising it to explain your anxiety, that you really want to come but as you are the only one from your team you are worried who you can chat to. If they are a decent colleague they will want to make you feel better.
Ask if there is anyone else attending as the only one from their team, that you can be paired up with in advance so you can meet/chat beforehand.
Or if the dinner has planned seating, ask who you have been seated with so that you can do that same, say hello to them before the day.

Bingo.

Just don't go . You've lost the money anyway so that's irrelevent.

Covid offers the perfect last minute excuse " Sorry, not going to make it tonight feeling a bit under the weather, might be covid".

Yes quite. I worked in the public sector for a while, and I can remember when we stopped being allowed to have biscuits in meetings because some arsehole at the Daily Fail had done a freedom of info request on how much the department had spent on biscuits for civil servants the previous year, and published an indignant article about it. 🙄

Can tell you don't work in the public sector ! Imagine the outcry if people's council taxes went to pay for local authority workers' Christmas meals out .

I would be planning a hot bath, blanket on the couch with a takeaway instead.

You've lost the money anyway. You can either go and have a bad time (if it goes as anticipated) or you can stay home instead. I know what I'd do!

or she might go and have a good time.

If you are really dreading it then let someone know and see how much money you can get back. If it's more than a fortnight away you might get lucky.

I'd say go but have a great excuse to leave. Of course, doesn't help if you don't have a babysitter/pet/husband who could not feel well at all.

Another one who thinks a midday meal would be better for everyone - less alcohol and excuses partners who really can't be bothered and for whom it's a waste of time.

If you listen to the part of you wants to go and you go, enjoy your meal, chat to some of the people around you and come home feeling that you had a reasonable night out then that voice that tells you that everything is a problem and you should just stay home in front of the couch when things get hard will be that little bit quieter and less of a pit

Or on the couch in front of the telly. Whatever you do don't sit in front of the couch, it's not that bad.

I'd go and eat, I like food. If the company wasn't great then I'd leave afterwards. It may be a chance for you to meet and get to know people in other depts. Thye're really much the same as your work colleagues except you haven't got to know them.

How many nights on the sofa watching TV does a person need.?

People like talking about themselves so ask questions, not overly personal ones but be genuinely interested.

(This one is hard to do but a winner) if someone is obviously the social hub go and talk to them. Tell them you’re the only one from your dept so don’t know anyone. Ask if you can chat to them or if they can introductory to people. Most people aren’t arseholes so will introduce you around.

Why should she have to do that? She can just not go.

When I started the job I'm in now I got invited to a night out and said no for the exact reasons you are saying. When it got to Christmas I still didn't really know anyone so I decided to put my name down for the night out. I ended up going and having such a good time and now I'm really close to 2 of the women who were there. So I'm in the go and give it a try, if you aren't having a good time stay for the meal and then leave 🤷‍♀️

Let’s be honest op

no one will care a hoot whether you are there or not. You’ve paid. So no one other than you going to lose pit financially. So - just make the call whether you want to go or not based on entirely your own opinion!

If you can’t face it, gift the meal to someone who would be pleased to enjoy the food and doesn’t mind the company of strangers.

I would happily go, I talk to anyone and everyone!

Thanks everyone for the advice. I’ve decided I’m going to go and try to have a good time. I probably will feel awkward initially but I will try to overcome it and make conversation with people.

I’m going to my work team Christmas lunch but not the all of department Christmas drinks. It’s themed and people dress up. Good luck to those who who enjoy such things but it’s not my cup of tea.