A question for those of you with food intolerances

[ItSeesMe]

When you go for something to eat at a friend's house or one of your family, do you expect them to cater for your intolerance? Or do you just accept that it's not fair for everyone else to be restricted by your diet, so just eat what items you can?

not me but various friends and children - obviously you make food available which is safe for your guest to eat.

I'm not talking allergies where you could die, just intolerances like gluten or lactose where you will be ill if you eat it but not life threatening.

I just make do. <shrug>

But I don't like it when I get fussed over for not eating enough. I don't eat much, who cares?

I just eat what I can. I don’t expect anyone to pander to my wheat/potato/egg intolerance. I usually have a banana and a couple of homemade biscuits about my person when I’m out.

As I said, as a host, you provide food for your guest that is not going to make them ill, I would have thought that would be obvious. Surely that is in the definition of "host"?

My husband is coeliac, and most people do cater for him. We often bring his own gluten free bread and always offer to bring something ourselves. It's always lovely when someone caters, so we always try to for friends with various intolerances e.g. dairy free

I wouldn't make someone food that would make them ill. My dad has Coeliac disease... it would cause him a lot of problems for a few days.

(My own intolerance is easy to avoid... tea!)

I never know what to do. I hate the fuss that goes with getting my own special portion, but also hate the annoyed looks I get when I'm turning down gorgeous looking food. Happened this evening - fabulous food but I could only eat a tiny proportion of the meal. I feel rude to the hostess saying no, but also feel they could have tried to serve something I could eat.

I’m coeliac. I tend to text friends beforehand and say “I can’t eat xyz, let me know if you want me to bring some so you don’t need to buy gf food”. It’s only ever an issue at PIL, friends always accommodate.

DH has an intolerance to beef. We don’t tend to say as he can eat a little and be fine, but if someone asks then we’ll say.

I'd never expect anyone to cater to my intolerances. I ask in advance what's being served so I can bring a suitable alternative for myself.

Do you think that I should offer to bring my own food to a dinner party? Happy to do it.

Trouble is, a lot of times I've said I'll bring my own, that's been a cat's bum face as well.

My friends all know about my rather unusual intolerance so avoid the ingredient - a popular berry. If it does feature on the dessert menu I just avoid eating them and if I can't separate them out then I just decline dessert as being "too full".

It's much more of a problem in restaurants where they really don't seem to get it and it sneaks into all sorts of places- the sauce for a nut roast was a memorable one... Luckily it is just an intolerance not an allergy.

I offer to bring my own alternative but it's nice if the host goes to the effort to accommodate. If they have lots of people with various different dietary requirements though I would definitely not expect them to do anything different for me. I'd rather bring my own than not be invited because it's a hassle for them!

I'm not sure what is ruder - not eating their food, or offering to bring my own

My intolerance gives me horrific diarrhoea so "eating it just to be polite" isn't practical.

I don't expect people to cater specially but I let them know and say I'll bring my own stuff. It does feel antisocial and rude but it's a complete pain for someone to cater for me, whereas it's easy and much safer for me to bring my own. If they insist then we negotiate!

I've never come across a scenario of someone serving me a whole meal, knowing that I couldn't eat most of it.

Youngest dd has a milk allergy and is gluten intolerant. In the early days I'd offer to bring her stuff when we ate at family/friends but now they have slowly learned what she can and can't eat so now feel comfortable making her things.

My mum will still send me a photo of ingredients and triple check she can have it, same with her childminder.

The exception is my grandparents who honestly just don't get it and after the last time of them ignoring the food I provided and making her pancakes and her throwing up and having the runs for days after I won't leave her there at all ' it was just a little bit of flour and milk to make some pancakes, I didn't give her a glass of milk or anything'

She's nearly 4 now so she has learnt to question what people give her and asks if it's safe... something she always asks me at great grandmas house!

I wouldn't be offended if we where going for food and someone asked us to bring something for dd. I do always ask people's food preferences and about allergies when we have people over - I'm not the worlds greatest cook but would always accommodate for peoples allergies and preferences

I am highly allergic to mushrooms. If I have even a tiny bit in a sauce my lips and tongue tingle, my face starts to swell, then my throat constricts. I need adrenaline. I ask people not to use chopping board for my food that has been used to chop mushroom or to put wooden spoon from dish with mushrooms into my food. Help yourself buffets at Travel Inns are bad because idiots use a spoon for dishing up mushrooms then put it in the scrambled eggs.

@lancastercourt "I wouldn't be offended if we where going for food and someone asked us to bring something for dd."

I positively wish people would do this more. I don't want to put them to the extra trouble, and I appreciate them letting me just relax and enjoy the meal knowing it's risk free. Unfortunately the people it's riskiest with (like pancake grandparents and my aunty "oh it's only a spoon of flour, no one will notice") seem to be the people who take the most offence if you bring your own.

I have wheat & dairy intolerances. Some people are are amazing and go all out to to provide food that I can eat others, such as DH, just carry on regardless If people don't, it's not a biggie for me, I just eat what I can from what's offered. I usually give people a heads up, in case they were thinking of serving quiche or lasagna, which are a bit difficult to navigate around.

I would often take food. I have turned into someone who can be really hard to cater for. However, plain roast and three veg tends to be safe for me so not hard to do. Usually I would take dessert for sharing and sometimes an extra veg dish. Cream or custard could be provided by the hostess.

For dc’s play dates, I always, always took food. Some for dc and cake and dip with crackers for sharing.

Surely if you are cooking for people you ask if they have things they don't eat whether it is due to intolerance, allergy, religion, culture or you just don't eat it.

The only time I was a bit miffed was when I was serving a 5 course dinner. For the fish course I'd made salmon and cream cheese filo parcels.

One guest doesn't eat fish unless it is scampi so her parcel had mushrooms instead.

I made it a different shape so that I knew which one wasn't fish.

The guest complained that hers didn't look as pretty.

I have coeliac.

Anyone giving you “annoyed looks” for not eating more poison is an absolute arsehole, quite honestly.

I usually tell any hosts who ask that I’ll eat salad or bring something myself to microwave.

My DH and DD both have intolerances. I don't expect friends or family to accommodate their needs, I always offer to provide food they can eat. But I have never had to as our family and friends would want to make them poorly, eating the wrong foods makes them unwell for several days.

Neither is rude, and neither is your fault. I think the annoyance you are sensing is going to be at least most of the time annoyance on your behalf, rather than annoyance with you. Food intolerances are inconvenient, 99% for the person suffering them, and 1% for people catering for sufferers. I don't think you need to feel rude or guilty in any way, ever, at all. xx 💐