How many nights out in December is acceptable for your DP?

[triggering]

I know this will probably cause some controversy...

How many nights out would you be ok with your DP having over December?

My DP works, I am a SAHM - 2 DC (3 and 6)

My DP is already planning 4 work nights out (I say work I mean more friends from work or previous jobs), 1 family one, and 2 friends ones. I have absolutely no issue with him going out, and I do have 1 friend night out planned for myself. But my issue is am I supposed to happily sit at home every Friday and Saturday evening alone while he is out.

Would this be completely ok within your relationship?

There is no fixed number of nights but I would be pretty if it was both Fri & Sat of every weekend because there is no time for you to go out with your friends, no time to go out together and no time to be in together.

Yes it would be ok but that’s because we both do it. We each have about four Xmas nights out planned over Dec, including two work things each.
It’s pretty normal to go out a lot in December isn’t it?

My DH is having four Christmas nights out (various work and sport friends), I have none planned 😬 He is a lot more sociable than me so I’m very happy with the situation. He gets his nights out and I don’t have to go out: everyone’s a winner!

Our two children are much older though (teens) so it’s not as though I’m run ragged being left home with them. I might feel a bit hard done by if I had small children.

@BHRK absolutely normal. But he has taken all the opportunity away from me by organising all his nights out.
Also no opportunity to do anything together as you say @carefulcalculator

@waterlego yes the 2 small children will be completely left to me not only every evening but also the 5am wake up call.

My only question would be where are the opportunities to have a couples night or a night with joint friends.
Can you attend any of the nights out with him?

@TheMoops someone has to be home with the kids, not that I'm invited anyway 😬

Get a babysitter and go out too! That's what I do. Or I go out in the week. Or we get a babysitter and go out together in the week. Nothing like a Tuesday night date to make you feel a little daring.

he has taken all the opportunity away from me by organising all his nights out.

This is the issue for me if someone has to stay home, it shouldn't always be the same person. If you can both go out then that is different.

No childcare options?

We don't tend to track the number of nights out but we'd always make sure we have some couple time factored in. Can you do that do it feels a bit more fair?

The GP are babysitters but they have lots of plans and lots of GC to help with. So maybe 1 night to help me out, but wouldn't ask for more.
Think I'm just feeling a bit forgotten about.

Thanks all for your replies

No limit, I’m not his mother telling him how often he can go out like he’s a teen, just make sure you both work it so you can also go out to your events with your friends.

Honestly, find a local teen and give them a fiver an hour, it's so worth it.

Oh ok, just read you’ve only one night out planned. Get your diaries out together, you should have equal opportunity for you to yours and him his. You shouldn’t have to not go to yours so he can go to his. It needs to be equal you both go to your own events.

No limit really, we both have at least 2 nights planned so far. Our work nights are not set in stone yet but if they happen to fall on a night where both of us are out then we’ll arrange a babysitter.

Arrange yourself 3 more friends nights out, then you'll be equal and he can do 4 early mornings. Simples.

@MolliciousIntent I do like the idea, but they don't sleep through so I would need someone they knew well

@MarshaMelrose he has already planned his. That's my point. It's left me no room too.

Well my DH wouldn’t plan to be out every Friday and Saturday night in any month, regardless of it being December. Not least because of the money (which isn’t an issue for everyone I know) but also because it would leave me at home on my own looking after DS with no weekend nights out of my own. So yes I’d be annoyed actually.

Not really, we all cope. Just get your diaries out, and if you need to hire a baby sitter as your events clash then take it in turns to do the early mornings.

Every Friday and Saturday is overdoing in.

I have one work planned, and have not signed up to another day the previous weekend, because I felt this was too much!

Sounds like he's been pretty selfish and not thought about you for that month?
Is he usually like that?

So just tell him the events you have, if you can’t compromise, get a sitter, it’s no biggie.

@Overgrowngrasslady no matter how much I wanted to go out I would never hire someone that my kids didn't know to babysit, knowing they will wake and come downstairs to find a stranger.

I have 4, a company wide party, a work team night out, a gym team night out and a girls Christmas night out. DP has none.

I'd be annoyed if he was annoyed at me

Rule in our house is first come first served with the joint calendar. If therw ia nothing planned then its up for grabs if you want to arrange soemthing.

Why can't you invite your frienda round for a takeaway or something on the nights your DH is out?

Why can't you arrange things with friends for other evenings in the week when your DH is then home with the kids?

You sound a bit passive, if tou don't want to be sat at hoke on your own then make some plans! And not surw why you have to do the 5am starts? Juat because he has been out mornings should atill be aplit between both of you on the weekends