How many nights out in December is acceptable for your DP?

[triggering]

I know this will probably cause some controversy...

How many nights out would you be ok with your DP having over December?

My DP works, I am a SAHM - 2 DC (3 and 6)

My DP is already planning 4 work nights out (I say work I mean more friends from work or previous jobs), 1 family one, and 2 friends ones. I have absolutely no issue with him going out, and I do have 1 friend night out planned for myself. But my issue is am I supposed to happily sit at home every Friday and Saturday evening alone while he is out.

Would this be completely ok within your relationship?

Ok I get that, then sit down and explain your dos and agree who goes to what do it’s equal.

I agree entirely. I don’t know anyone who ‘just hires a babysitter’. Usually family and we don’t have that option either.

Wouldn't have an issue with the amount of nights out so to speak but I would have an issue with it not being checked/communicated and just assumed I'd stay at home with the kids. So the time wouldn't bother me so to speak but the lack of consideration/communication would x

As many as possible hopefully, that way he can't moan when I'm out with my friends 🍷

So hire someone they do know! Do they go to nursery at all? The ladies at ours often sit for kids at the weekend. Or is there a mum friend who'd do it for a nice bottle of wine? Offer a swap! We do that a lot too, cover date nights for other parents.

Don't be a martyr. Find a way to make it work.

ok, babysitters is not some weird odd unusual concept, but if you both can’t do it. Then it’s just they sit down with their calendars and agree a fair split of attending the events they wish to attend

It sounds like you don’t actually want to go out 3 extra nights yourself though… just that you don’t want him to go out 4.
If you want more nights out in Dec, an hour go out Sunday or midweek? or do you just not want him to go out. They are different things.
If you just don’t want him to go out then YABU. It’s December

...you don't just leave your kids with a stranger. You get a recommendation from someone you trust, then you have the sitter round for a cuppa to meet the kids on a different day. Everyone's a stranger at some point.

I probably have 5-10 nights planned with different groups ... in London December is big !! That's over 3 weeks

As in won't def go to them all but they are client drinks and stuff like that

Yes I agree with this!

No limit, but me and dh check with each other before committing to things. We both do pretty much whatever we want but work around each other for childcare.

I'd be annoyed if dh took it on himself to be out every Friday and Saturday for a whole month. It's selfish and really shows a lack of respect, he'd be outright told to cancel or rearrange some of them.

But I don’t know anyone who uses a babysitter is what I mean. Anyway the thread isn’t about me ha, we both have weekend nights out planned in December as we sat down and discussed it! :)

Wouldn't bother me but then I love nights in on my own with the remote all to myself. DH isn't massively sociable so doesn't happen much!

Not ok, he's behaved selfishly.
Also sometimes there really isn't the babysitter option whether it's money, no family or being wary of a stranger looking after your kids.
You should get equal nights co-ordinated with each other.

Really?! I don't know anyone who doesn't!

No I don’t think so, can you imagine, I don’t want to go out and I know it’s crimbo so I don’t want you to go out either. 🤣

Don't you have a sitter you use when you go out together? If not, this is a good time to set one up. Just bring them round and introduce them beforehand so your children know who they are.
I used to babysit as a teenager. I don't remember it being a particular problem if they got up or cried. And I wasn't used to babies. It's not like you're looking for Nanny McPhee or something.

Completely happy for him to go out. Just feel forgotten about.

Thanks all, il leave it there!

Our only really reliable babysitter is my SIL, but she has to have her mum babysit her 3 kids while she watches our 2 at our house so we don't like to ask her much, obviously.
She is babysitting for our only joint night out in December.
I have a night out each weekend in December as well as a whole day in another city and DH has 3 nights out over the whole month, and I'm the SAHP! DD1 is almost 3 years and dd2 is 6 months old.
Our calendar is first come, first serve, but we always check with the other in case something hasn't been shared or has been missed off.
We also have the rule that whoever has the night out, has the night off - gets to sleep in the spare room with no baby monitor and a lie in until 9am. (Unless there's an emergency or both kids are a nightmare!)
We both enjoy the time alone once the kids have gone to bed and the other is out - DH usually gets a curry and plays FIFA, I usually lie on the sofa with the cats and eat my body weight in chocolate.

I also think December isn't an "average month" as Christmas drinks and parties all add up

If your dc are 3 and 6 and don't sleep through, surely you should be addressing that?

I realised today that DH has five nights out planned in December so I have organised a few for myself. Saturday nights we tend to do things as a family but the rest of the week is a free for all as long as (a) you write it on the calendar first and (b) if you've responsible for anything childcare related, you find cover for that (which could be as simple as DH asking me or me asking him)

How often are the dc waking up. You could still hire a teen babysitter and introduce the children to then a couple of times, before the teen actually babysat.

As many nights as he wants to go out? Your partner is a free person?

Me and DP both mostly work from home so its good for us to have time apart... Plus I'd love having the house alone for cosy December nights of reading, watching what I want on TV, or having a friend or two over for dinner. Do you not have many other people to do things with OP?

Have you told him you feel forgotten about?