DH has been sectioned - what do I tell the kids?

[strandedabroad]

It happened on Wednesday. The kids are all 6 and under.

We moved out a couple of months ago and the kids were barely seeing him so they don't need to know immediately.

I guess we'll need to wait for a treatment plan to have an indication of how long he'll be in for.

I'm just tying myself over in knots over whether to say daddy is in hospital. They know he is unwell and that's why we moved out, to give him peace and quiet (that's the version of the story they know, the reality is different unfortunately - his MH had really deteriorated and it wasn't suitable for the kids to be around him).

I'm seeing a child psychologist soon to get some help.

I would only tell them if they ask about daddy. Just make it as child friendly as possible daddy is unwell and getting some rest in hospital, he loves you all very much and as soon as he is well enough he will be able to see you etc.

I think given their age, saying daddy is unwell and has gone to hospital to get better is entirely appropriate.

Do you have family members who are helping you? It might be a good idea that anyone involved in their care knows what's happening, as the kids can pick up on the atmosphere more than they understand the words, so telling relevant adults away from little ears helps a bit.

Just that he’s unwell, he’s in hospital, he loves them very much and he will see them when he’s better

Daddy’s unwell and the drs are going to help him in hospital. He loves you very much.
No lies and no in-depth detail.

A dear friend of mine has been sectioned a number of times over the years. We told our children at that age (same age children at same school) that she was poorly and being looked after at the hospital. Our kids by age 6 had learnt about the importance of mental health in school so we could link it to that in an age appropriate way if they asked more. School/nursery were also very supportive. Personally I would tell them- it's nothing to be ashamed of in the same way as if he needed hospital care for a broken leg or similar. They are better being equipped than being blindsided by a friend or relative.

Yes, you just need to tell them he is unwell (because he is) - that's all the information they need when that young and you're not 'hiding' anything from them by phrasing it as such.

I'm sorry you're going through this - sending you all the best.

If they ask
He is in hospital
He is unwell.

(If being un well means he is unable to show love for them then leave that bit about him loving them out, for now, if there has has been negative behaviour might not be great to associate that with love as a verb. )

Talk it thru with the pychologist

What would you tell them if he was in hospital with a heart condition, a broken leg, an infection etc? Just as others have said, if they ask then he is in hospital poorly and it may take a while for him to get well again.

I hope you have support for yourself, I imagine you have been having a very difficult time.

This

💐💐💐

My brother has been sectioned many times - the young kids in the family are just told that he is ill and in hospital so that the doctors can help him get better. If they ask if they can see him/speak to him we say that we’ll check with the doctors if he’s well enough. Sometimes he is able to video chat or see people, mostly he’s not.

The kids generally start learning more about mental health issues as they get to the top of primary school.

hope you’re ok.💐

The advice above is sound. Min detials but ensure they know.
however, as they get older they must be told that dad has mental health issues. Do not cover it up.
my ex was I’ll for last20 years of our marriage. My 2DS were young teens. They knew something was an issue with their dad. Explaining exactly his diagnosis, helping them to understand what hearing voices was about, letting them know when dad was having an off day or in crisis were all tools that allowed them to process what was happening. Without that understanding it would have been confusing, upsetting etc.
so with little ones don’t make up stories about his illness if they ask that it’s some sort of physical thing. Answer truthfully but in age appropriate ways. Never tell them they can’t talk to others about it (it was a source of discord with my ex as I said the kids MUSTbe allowed to discuss their feelings about his illness with firends, family etc and not have to keep secrets - he argued it was his medical information..which yes it is, but mental illness impacts all the family and they have a right to get support form elsewhere and tell people if that’s what they need- a difficult one this, but he did eventually see my point. ) . As they get older explain things in more detail - do not minimise, do not pretend, do not cover anything up

my DS are in late 20s. Whilst ex and I split becuase of his MH (he stopped his meds), they are close to their dad and him to them. They keep an arm length distance from his day to day issues so they don’t get dragged into being carers as I’m no longer that , but they can tell if he’s missed meds and can pick up warning signs and put a bit of distance between them till he back on even keel (bear in mind this is paranoid schizophrenia and ex will target paranoia at carers so it’s a safeguarding issue to keep distanced and both sons know this) . Ex and I have a decent enough relationship to work together to mutually support kids when they need it or stuff like Xmas. But this all hinges on absolute transparency within whole family and extended network.

As they are young I think telling them the truth of daddy is in hospital as he isn’t feeling well and isn’t himself is enough.
it’s good that you are seeking helping to see how you can best help your kids but also think about how you are processing this. If you do have help and someone to look after the kids for a few hours spend some time on yourself. Best wishes 🌸

My children’s dad was sectioned 10 years ago (still in hospital to this day) dc were 3 and 8 at the time. I probably told them in more detail than is being recommended on here. I explained he was ill, he needed help and his brain wasn’t quite working properly but that he loved them though may not always be able to show it. Sadly they haven’t been able to see him for 5 years because he is too poorly but we have photos of him around the house, talk about him openly, talk about the importance of mental health and their schools have always been on board and helped with support. They know no question is out of bounds and I won’t lie to them. My younger dc has no memories of his dad and my older dc has only bad memories of when their dad was ill. It’s hard. It did cause some issues at school because my younger dc was very open if anyone asked about his dad - unfortunately it led to some awful bullying. Get the school involved.
I am sorry you and your children are going through this.
FWIW - my children are now 13 and 18 and honestly are such fabulous children (apart from the normal teenage sulks! 😂) and we have a very open and honest relationship. It is a very real chance that they won’t see their dad again. I don’t make any promises to them I can’t keep.
Feel free to pm me if you want.
to you

Daddy is unwell and so the dr is making him better, they don't need to know more details at that age

Get them to make a get well soon card perhaps, or a picture maybe

I disagree with telling them the dr will make him better. Sometimes they don’t or can’t. Don’t say stuff to them that you can’t guarantee happens.

Add further information as you get the picture of what is happening, never lie but you can share as is appropriate

I'm also going to say don't tell them he'll get better, it's not fair as it's guaranteed, especially as it doesn't sound like you really know either.Y

You can say they're trying to help, that they're keeping him safe.
You don't have to call it a hospital if it's not helpful, especially if he'll be there a while. The equivalent of sending the dog to a farm is fine. Not lying just let them believe he's somewhere nice.

This. Tell the truth, simply and kindly. He is feeling unwell and he is in hospital where the doctors and nurses are helping him get better.

Also agree with people who are saying that you can add to it as they get older. But please always tell the truth.

I am sorry if I missed the children's ages. I have been through this a few times. I am in Ireland and the hospital provided age appropriate books to help with language and worries. I can try find links if you think it would help.

My children are 9 and 15 now, they speak openly about mental health and recognize that a lot of people struggle with it. The schools have been amazing in opening up conversations.

Best wishes to you and your family it is a tough time for all involved.🌷

There is no reason to be all hush hush and hide the fact that he is in hospital for his mental health. You can say these things in an age appropriate way, the same way you would if he was having surgery etc.. Mental illness is so stigmatised, so normalising it now while they’re young is SO important.

I agree with this!

I was told that mummy was in hospital when it happened to me. No telling of MH issues, she was ‘poorly’ with something else. We were allowed to visit her, but I can’t remember how often or how long she was gone for in total. To be fair, this was 30 years ago so MH issues weren’t as acceptable as they are nowadays!

Obviously I was told why she was in years later, and in some ways I wish I’d known, in others I’m glad I didn’t. I’ve been secretly shit scared that it’ll happen to me too, that it’s hereditary and I’ll lose my kids. This led to me being shady about my MH struggles for years, it’s only since having my children I’m much more open with people about my struggles (which aren’t anything major).