DH has been sectioned - what do I tell the kids?

[strandedabroad]

It happened on Wednesday. The kids are all 6 and under.

We moved out a couple of months ago and the kids were barely seeing him so they don't need to know immediately.

I guess we'll need to wait for a treatment plan to have an indication of how long he'll be in for.

I'm just tying myself over in knots over whether to say daddy is in hospital. They know he is unwell and that's why we moved out, to give him peace and quiet (that's the version of the story they know, the reality is different unfortunately - his MH had really deteriorated and it wasn't suitable for the kids to be around him).

I'm seeing a child psychologist soon to get some help.

Please don’t tell your kids that their father moved out for ‘peace and quiet’ - they’ll think it’s all their fault

My dh was admitted to psychiatric hospital as a voluntary patient but they would have sectioned him if he didn't agree.
My youngest was 10 at time, so a fair bit older than yours.I just answered her questions in an age approiate way and reassured her that he was being looked after. The hospital did have a family room and arranged for dc to visit him.I did take them once but i it spooked them a bit, especially dd as she had witnessed

the worst of his psychotic episode as she was at home that day with tonsilitis.

I believe it is very important to normalise mental health. My dd is now an older teen and has encouraged a male friend of hers to get help when he was really low back in summer.
Also do accept any help offered from family and friends, you need support as even when your dh is allowed home upporting someone who has had a major mental health problem is exhausting mentally.

30 years ago when I was a similar age to your children my dad was in hospital for similar reasons. Definitely be honest and open, answer questions and also actively invite the children to talk about it. My mum's approach was to answer anything that was asked but because she never initiated any conversation about my dad I picked up the message not to speak about him. He was a topic of secrecy to be avoided. I would also advise to be careful saying things like he needs peace and quiet to get well. This is exactly what me and my siblings were told when my dad was discharged from hospital and went to live with his parents rather than coming back to the family home. We all separately assumed this to mean we were too loud, noisy etc and we were the reason he moved out. Years of therapy have helped me to see that as a young child you naturally think things revolve around you so common to assume you are the reason for things. I wish my mum had felt she could be more open with us all, just talked more about dad over the years and allowed us to talk about how we felt and talk about him. I am so pleased when I see these threads and people say their children are having support from therapists and psychologists. That's so important and just not something anyone thought about back in the 80s!! Wishing you all well x

You don’t really need to tell them much like daddy is poorly and he loves them.

At that age they don’t need to know he has been sectioned. Just that he isn’t very well but he will get well again. I don’t think kids that age would understand or need to know.

Some books
Read them first
Maybe adapt to your situation in WORD with photos etc

www.littleparachutes.com/category/issues/depression-family/

I'm not sure you really need to tell them anything yet unless they ask. And as others have said, given their ages the most you would probably need to say anyway is that daddy is poorly and the hospital is helping him to feel better. Anything more than that would imo be too much.

Although it's a lot on you to deal with, as someone who had to cope with their father being sectioned as a teenager, imo it's easier when the DCs can be fed a version of the truth.

www.booktrust.org.uk/booklists/p/parent-depression/

Perhaps better to say drs and nurses are "looking after him" rather than "helping him to get better" if it's unclear whether his MH will imorove

Tell them he is unwell and I'm hospital.
Always tell them kind truth

Dad is poorly and will be in hospital for a while.

Daddy is poorly and the doctors are looking after him. The doctors will tell us when he is well enough for his to visit him/ when he can come out

You do need to tell children before they ask. Little pitchers have big ears, as my mum would say. The six year old will overhear conversations and wonder even if they don't ask directly. My husband was I'll and I gave what I thought was a reasonable explanation but my 8 year old overhead something more and was devastated. Other family members will also talk to you about it and you don't want to have to usher them out of the room or shush everyone. Be sensible but I wish I'd been franker earlier and not had them find things out in hidden and so more worrying ways.

Tell them. The key is both being age appropriate and ensuring you aren’t buying into mental health stigma which could mean they don’t want to talk/ask questions which will impact on them over the future. The link below has a really lovely leaflet about it which I think can help start the conversation.
depending on what is going on the ward should also have a carers worker and can be helpful (not a guarantee though!)
slam.nhs.uk/myparent

Also in addition to the facts (age appropriate) I would also say what that means for them, so we probably won't see Dad for a while but I am checking how he's doing with Granny every few days and I'll let you know. Also open the door for future conversations, how can they ask you? For very littlies, one sentence might be enough, for older one then more explanation and the opening of conversation is required, hospital sounds very scary and they might be worried they are going to die or something irrational. Keep chatting if they want.

"Daddy is ill so he's gone to hospital where they can help him get better. He needs a big rest. The doctors will find the right medicine".

Please, please give them that info asap.. before the 6 yr old hears a cruel version at school or on a playdate with the children of your and DH's friends/social contacts

We moved out, not him. I told them he needed time and rest and we were going to give him some space. It was difficult to think of a better way.

This is a good point.