Not invited to wedding...but

[Dalooah]

DHs cousin is getting married and kids and I aren't invited- which was initially fine as it's supposedly a small ceremony and meal afterwards. Found a few weeks after invites went out that it was only cousins (there's quite a few though!) who had been invited without their partners and other guests- best friend of brides dad, grooms siblings friends (multiple!) had been invited as whole families. However now, additional "events" are being added- a bridal shower two weeks before the wedding and a potluck style 'family gathering' two days before to which only I've been invited- not DH. Is it just me or is this rather strange; rather like I'm not good enough for the actual wedding but being asked to come along to other events to bring presents and food? Inclined to decline the lot, DH included. Opinions please!

Decline

Decline and let DH decide if he wants to accept any invites he gets.

Sounds like nonsense. Let your husband attend the main event and leave it at that.

Gracefully decline and just send him to the wedding on his own.

I'd decline the other events but its normal for cousins to be invited on the evening do unless close. I'd imagine inviting full family's of cousins would be very expensive.

Yes I'd decline and let DH decide what he wants to do. Like you say it's not on to invite you to all the extra stuff but not the wedding.

Decline!

They sound like they are fishing for presents and wanting to boost the numbers at their other events. I'd decline. Wouldn't bother me if DH wanted to go to the wedding alone but I doubt he would want to

Decline if you like. I don’t find it strange to have whole families for some groups but not others though. I have a lot of cousins and fortunately I’m one of the earliest to marry, so there were only a few plus ones and one child. I can imagine that later on, having to dedicate three tables to cousins, partners and offspring will be prohibitively expensive. Personally, I’d rather go to my cousin’s wedding without DH than not be invited. And as there are dozens of us, it’s not like I’d be alone with a table of strangers.

The family gathering without your husband sounds a bit bonkers though.

Odd. Decline.

I'd decline the shower - not unusual for that to be same sex only, but I wouldn't be getting a gift for someone who hasn't invited me to the actual wedding.

Seems super weird to have a family gathering and not invite DH if he's the blood relative! I might go assuming I like the in-laws.

I wouldn't be upset about only DH being invited to the wedding. Sounds like all cousins are treated the same, and presumably they are closer to their friends? And possibly closer to their partners too. Or maybe the friends won't know anyone else. Weddings are expensive. Oh well.

Sounds like they're trying rather awkwardly to include everyone in some shape or form. I can understand to an extent not having cousins spouse's but having friends spouses - they have I assume a closer relationship with them? Go or Donohoe whatever suits your family.

The wedding makes sense. When you're trying to keep numbers down but want to invite as much family as possible, it's the spouses and children that get cut. I'm guessing the family gathering is just their way of saying you're still important.

Thanks for the opinions. I think it's a definitely no from me! DH is obvi free to go to the wedding as planned.

I would not go to any kind of shindig if you haven’t been invited to the wedding.

a potluck style 'family gathering' two days before to which only I've been invited- not DH.

That is properly weird.

This. They're likely to be much closer to their best friends' spouses than to the spouses of their (many) cousins. So the invitations to a small numbers wedding reflecting that sounds fine to me
I also tend to think that they've invited people to these other functions to express that they're not entirely forgotten and they'd like them to be part of the wedding events in some way.

I'm surprise that so many responses on here have been ultra negative. It wouldn't bother me at all. It's a bit like the people who get snippy when they're 'only' invited to the people's evening do.

This. They’re just trying to include everyone in some event.

Wonder if they specify to bring food that's freezable or will still be OK 2 days later...

Might be some plan to try and involve everyone, or to get more presents. Either way it’s a no from me.
Im very much, you’re either invited or your not.

Wonder if they specify to bring food that's freezable or will still be OK 2 days later...

ExH and I invited cousins but not their partners to our wedding. The venue only took 80 and we had nearly 20 cousins between us. It caused quite a bit of upset in both families but we didn’t want to have to cut friends out.

We didn’t arrange any other events, though - the wedding was stressful and expensive enough on its own.

I totally understand you (and the spouses of the other cousins) not being invited to the daytime wedding. I can accept you not even being invited to the evening reception. However, the bridal shower strikes me as just an opportunity to receive more presents.

Yanbu. It's a bit CF

Have you been invited to a "Bring flowers to decorate the wedding venue" party?