Not invited to wedding...but

[Dalooah]

DHs cousin is getting married and kids and I aren't invited- which was initially fine as it's supposedly a small ceremony and meal afterwards. Found a few weeks after invites went out that it was only cousins (there's quite a few though!) who had been invited without their partners and other guests- best friend of brides dad, grooms siblings friends (multiple!) had been invited as whole families. However now, additional "events" are being added- a bridal shower two weeks before the wedding and a potluck style 'family gathering' two days before to which only I've been invited- not DH. Is it just me or is this rather strange; rather like I'm not good enough for the actual wedding but being asked to come along to other events to bring presents and food? Inclined to decline the lot, DH included. Opinions please!

There's a lot of cynical people on here. My interpretation would be that they could only afford a very small wedding so they've arranged smaller family events quite cheaply to try to include everybody who's important to them. If you really hate the idea then you're not obliged to go but I don't think they've done much wrong.

sounds like they have limited spaces at the wedding. But want to include as many people to celebrate.

I think it’s absolutely fine to limit numbers at the main event (why shouldn’t they prioritise immediate family and close friends).

Asking you to the other events is odd but perhaps their way of saying you are still valued? Or a present grab? Who knows?

I would decline their invites, tbh I can understand only your DH being invited to the wedding but other invites do sound strange.
They need to have big but very
simple wedding or accept that they can’t accommodate everyone.

I absolutely would not be attending any other event to do with the wedding.

It's incredibly rude.

Now that reminds me of a brilliant mn cf thread!!

Never heard of a bridal shower before. Is that literally, we want more gifts for the wedding, so organising a day where you give another gift? Bizarre idea.

Unless DH is particularly close to his cousin I wouldn’t necessarily be surprised that the couple have only invited cousins rather than families to the wedding as it makes room for friends and people they do spend time with regularly. As for being invited to the ‘add on’ events I would be politely declining especially if they’re in the days before the wedding itself.

She was talking about being invited to the pot luck alone which ain’t just one sex.

I didn't say it was.

I would decline the extra invites and let DH choose if he wants to go to the wedding.

I wouldn't get too worked up about the wedding issue tho, it could be a tactic to ensure people have someone to sit with? I.e. the dad's best friend may not know many other people at the wedding so a partner makes sense. Cousins will obviously all know each other and can sit together. Also find it a bit bizarre that you would consider a cousins partner on par with siblings partners or even friends partners. Unless you are particularly close I would consider cousins very extended family

I wouldn't be peeved that cousin's families are not being invited but other families are. Guest lists and numbers are difficult to manage at the best of times and if there are a lot of cousins, I guess you can't invite some as whole families and not others so they've just gone with the cousins only.

Being invited to other events when you're not invited to the wedding is weird though! Especially the bridal shower or hen do.

Maybe the family potluck is an opportunity for them to have a get together with those extended family members they couldn't invite to the day though.

well
why dont you go? just to satisfy your curiousity?
do you have to bring a gift to the shower?
or the potluck thing?

i think assuming it is present grabbing is an awful suggestion.
your dh will no doubt bring a present as he is going to the actual wedding.

Bridal showers are specifically for the purposes of giving gifts though, so it’s not really an assumption that a gift will be expected.

I'd decline the invitations. Wish them luck ie send a card but nothing else, unless you're close.

I hate what has happened to weddings tbh all this crap before hand is excessive and a tad sad imo.

Are you sure your DH isn't invited to the family gatherings? That seems really odd since it's his family. You need them there to glue everyone together!
Provided DH was invited, I'd definitely go. I'd also completely understand why they can't invite everyone to the wedding. Mind you, unlike a lot of MNers, I actually enjoy celebrating events in other people's lives and am always thrilled to get an invitation even if I've sometimes been a bit surprised to get one.

I never understand these threads. You know the couple. Are they greedy arseholes? If yes, decline. If no, go.

I don’t think it’s an issue having cousins without partners at the wedding. Some people have loads of cousins (MIL & FIL we’re one of 15 and 9 so DH has shit loads).

The other events are probably just polite invitations to female only anyway I’d think. In the nicest way no-one is really going to bother if you go or not. In fact they probably know people won’t but it gets the “but you need to invite x, y and z” pressure off their backs.

What happens at a bridal shower then? It sounds like something out of a film starring Cameron Diaz and Anne Hathaway.

Did Chelaea not seem a bit surprised at all? I think they've been a bit mean as well , presumably there has been a hen do group chat and they've noticed that you're not on it? They had the opportunity to say something then. I think they may be worried about her kicking off.

Do you actually want to stay friends with Sarah? A bridezilla who is known for being stroppy and that you feel you can't ask a direct question to in case she kicks off is not someone who I'd choose to be friends with tbh.

If you dont want her st your 30th then dont ask her. Just say that because you were excluded from the wedding and hen you assumed that she had fallen out with you and didnt want to bring it up while she was so busy