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Original poster

Sad about this inheritance

33 replies

thinkponk48 · 11/11/2022 19:18

My mils mother died when she was five. There was a life insurance payout and some compensation (sorry don't know exactly what). Her father said he would put it away foe a rainy day for mil.

Anyway years pass, and mil had a fairly hard life, both lost jobs in the eighties, had bailiffs at the door many times and eventually lost her home to repossession in the late 90s. Her father never mentioned the rainy day money and mil just assumed it got used up over the years.

So anyway. Her father died last year at the age of 95. Mil has found out that her "rainy day" money has been invested all this time and is now worth over 250k. Now that's a brilliant inheritance! But mil is now 70 and not in great health. There were so so many times over the years that she could have used some of that money. It could have saved her house many times over. She's feeling quite bitter to her father over it.

She's planning on spending a little bit of it on a car, but has said she's putting the rest away for her grandkids as she can get no joy from it now.

I just think it's so sad and not what her mother would have wanted. We have tired encouraging her to splash out on a lovely holiday or even a nice little flat for herself but she's having none if it. It's almost like delayed grief for her mother. It's so sad. I wish we could convince her to blow the lot and have some fun

OP posts:
WhyOY · 11/11/2022 19:21

That is sad. Hopefully she can have a nice care home if she needs it?

PicaNewName · 11/11/2022 19:22

That is really sad. Given his age I think her father mush have thought about a war or similar being a real need. Your poor MIL, it really is sad and hard to understand.

ClocksGoingBackwards · 11/11/2022 19:24

That’s really sad. Hopefully she’s getting some pleasure from knowing that she can do it differently for her own offspring. Don’t underestimate how much that might mean to her.

RangerHamzaHasTheRangeDarling · 11/11/2022 19:26

Crikey, she's 70 not 95! I agree timing not great but there are many things she could do with it now, especially with cost-of-living crisis: it puts her at a decent advantage. Does she not have a bucket list?

Travis1 · 11/11/2022 19:27

Oh your poor MIL that’s awful. I can understand why she’d struggle to spend it now knowing how it could have helped her so much years ago

pocketvenuss · 11/11/2022 19:27

I agree very sad. I wonder what his thinking was, seeing his daughter lose her home etc but not mention the money

TheYearOfSmallThings · 11/11/2022 19:28

That is really sad, but I suspect blowing the lot on fun activities would feel empty to her, considering where the money came from. Using it to provide security for her family may be more rewarding, even if she was not given that security when she needed it.

Original poster
thinkponk48 · 11/11/2022 19:28

RangerHamzaHasTheRangeDarling · 11/11/2022 19:26

Crikey, she's 70 not 95! I agree timing not great but there are many things she could do with it now, especially with cost-of-living crisis: it puts her at a decent advantage. Does she not have a bucket list?

Oh I agree but she feels old and does have some health problems. She has also always lived very frugally so the idea of spending it is just alien to her

OP posts:
TomTraubertsBlues · 11/11/2022 19:29

How awful 😞

I've always thought that money was for enjoying and making your life easier while you're alive, not squirrelling away. How sad to go through that hardship for no reason, and for her dad never to offer to help. I don't blame her for feeling bitter tbh.

LindseyHoyleSpeaks · 11/11/2022 19:29

That’s terrible. MIL should have asked way sooner though. If she knew the money was there, why on earth didn’t she? Was it hers? In an account with her name on it? How odd.

Mrsjayy · 11/11/2022 19:31

Of course she can use it would she not like a nice holiday or even fritter some of it away she is 70 and might have a few good years left ! Her dad should have given it to her or helped her out though.

silverclock222 · 11/11/2022 19:33

You won't change her mind although you can keep trying. Please do get her to a solicitor to sort things out. If she doesn't do anything with it it could well end up just paying for care home fees.

Original poster
thinkponk48 · 11/11/2022 19:34

LindseyHoyleSpeaks · 11/11/2022 19:29

That’s terrible. MIL should have asked way sooner though. If she knew the money was there, why on earth didn’t she? Was it hers? In an account with her name on it? How odd.

No it was in her fathers name. He just saved it for her. She didn't ask as assumed he had used it over the years and it was gone. He also lived a simple life although he no real hardships

OP posts:
FallingsHowIFeel · 11/11/2022 19:35

Oh that is sad. Maybe with a bit of time, your MIL will decide to do more for herself with it. Could you persuade her to do a holiday with all of you, would she like that? Maybe if she sees the money bring some happiness, it might spur her on. I imagine she’s just thinking ‘why’ and reflecting on how different things could have been. What a shame. Keep an eye on her.

Original poster
thinkponk48 · 11/11/2022 19:38

A holiday could be a good suggestion. Even if it's somewhere in the U.K.

OP posts:
echt · 11/11/2022 19:44

Urge her to spurge a bit, and the suggestion that it be a family holiday is a good one, and might make it easier for her, especially with her health concerns.

echt · 11/11/2022 19:45

Splurge, not spurge! I spent yesterday pulling out wrretched seedlings of this yesterday.

LindseyHoyleSpeaks · 11/11/2022 19:46

Oh my. That is so incredibly sad for both her and her dad.

Ted27 · 11/11/2022 19:49

I think if she has only recently found out it may take her a little time to adjust to having that amount of money available to her.
I can see why she may be reluctant to buy a flat - if she did could she afford to maintain it? Maybe she is worried about that?
But a car is a good start, perhaps the way to go is when and if things break down or need replacing gently remind her that she can afford it, rather than encouraging her to have a big blow out - if she is used to being frugal she will find it hard to do that anyway.
I’m nearly 60 and to be honest, that although 250k is obviously not an insignifican amount ( not something I will ever inherit) I would be thinking thats £10 k a year for the next 25 years to boost my pension, enough for a really comfortable retirement, rather than just working my way through it. Which may be another way to approach it,
I hope she finds a way to enjoy it

GoldenCupidon · 11/11/2022 19:49

Does she own her own home now?

If she wants to benefit her grandchildren in future, buying property with the money really isn't the worst way, especially given she could live for another 20 years or more. She'd save money she might have spent on rent (and be able to pass that on), and she can leave the proceeds of sale of the house to the grandkids.

TabithaTittlemouse · 11/11/2022 19:50

That’s so sad.

Although it’s refreshing to see a post about both MIL and an inheritance that isn’t really vile.

DeborahVance · 11/11/2022 19:50

That is so very sad, my heart really goes out to her. If she really can't bear to spend it I hope she can find some comfort in the fact that it will help her grandchildren

FightingFatAt49 · 11/11/2022 19:52

she's putting the rest away for her grandkids as she can get no joy from it now
This brought a lump to my throat 😢
So sad to think of how that money could have made her life a little easier. I really hope once she adjusts to the fact this is now her money that she can get some joy from it.

onlythreenow · 11/11/2022 20:03

That is terribly sad, but I really don't understand why she didn't ask her Dad about the money when she was struggling. At least she would have then known if it was still there, or had been used up. She is only 70, I think she needs to spend some of the money on herself - I'm not a fan of people not spending their money but saving it for family. What if she has to go into care later, surely a lot of it could be spent on that so the grandkids would miss out anyway?

Georgeskitchen · 11/11/2022 20:04

That's very sad , the money would have been a great help in earlier years, but......the clock can't go back so she needs to have some enjoyment from it now while she can x