Sad about this inheritance

[thinkponk48]

My mils mother died when she was five. There was a life insurance payout and some compensation (sorry don't know exactly what). Her father said he would put it away foe a rainy day for mil.

Anyway years pass, and mil had a fairly hard life, both lost jobs in the eighties, had bailiffs at the door many times and eventually lost her home to repossession in the late 90s. Her father never mentioned the rainy day money and mil just assumed it got used up over the years.

So anyway. Her father died last year at the age of 95. Mil has found out that her "rainy day" money has been invested all this time and is now worth over 250k. Now that's a brilliant inheritance! But mil is now 70 and not in great health. There were so so many times over the years that she could have used some of that money. It could have saved her house many times over. She's feeling quite bitter to her father over it.

She's planning on spending a little bit of it on a car, but has said she's putting the rest away for her grandkids as she can get no joy from it now.

I just think it's so sad and not what her mother would have wanted. We have tired encouraging her to splash out on a lovely holiday or even a nice little flat for herself but she's having none if it. It's almost like delayed grief for her mother. It's so sad. I wish we could convince her to blow the lot and have some fun

Yes, bloody hell, this with knobs on!

I guess if she’s had a hard life and a lot of worry and stress she may not be in the best of health, but she’s hopefully not on her last legs at 70. It does sound like what should be a lovely surprise has been completely tainted by renewed grief for her mum and bewilderment at her dad’s motivation in keeping the money secret all these years.

You probably need to give her a bit of processing time, but after that maybe you could try to gently persuade her that she deserves to make the most of it rather than just throwing her hands up …?

Yeah she might be more open to it if it was a family holiday obviously offer to pay but she might want to treat you all . I know you said she is frugal but she has had it so hard that she's entitled to enjoy it.

20k at 20 is often far better than £200 at 50, seems like a waste.

200k!

Without knowing what ‘nit in the best if health’ means, I would not judge someone who reacts in that way.

To be honest, I get where your MIL is coming from. She doesn’t want to go away on a big holidays or splash in money Because that’s nit part of her dreams. It has never been. So why expecting her to suddenly want to do all that?

I also agree that you need to give her time. She is grieving. But not just her mother. But also the life she could have had. The one where her house isn’t been repossessed. One where she would have been able to avoid some major hardship.

But she is also grieving her dad. I suspect the one who she thought was loving but was actually happy to let her struggle many times when he could have helped.

Thats a hell of a lot to get your head around tbh.

So I would stop putting pressure on her. Help her do what SHE wants to do with the money. What will give her pleasure. Not what you THINK should make her happy. Ensure that she is covered for her own well being. By that I mean, what of support might she need depending on her health needs? What could make make life better? Is it a good idea to out that money aside for others if she is struggling? Would she be open to that?
And don’t force her to use that money.

fwiw my dad has had a very conflictuel relationship with his dad. When his dad died, he wanted to have nothing to do with the (substantial) amount of money in the inheritance. It was just a constant reminder on how awful his dad was. Your MIL might well see that in that way…

I’d encourage her to seek financial advice. You say she’s not in the best of health, but if she needs a care home or support, that inheritance will quickly be eaten up. She’d be better off spending it now or gifting it now and hoping she doesn’t die in the next 7 years if her estate has to pay inheritance tax
My aunt needed quite complex care down South. Fees for the home were just shy of £5k a month.

It's worth 250 because it was invested. It might have not been enough to save her house or whatever, you said you don't know the amount. Maybe only now the investment has come to fruition.

Often people do what they believe is right, even if it's not what is obvious with the fortune of hindsight