What's average for social life?

[losenotloose]

How often do you spend Friday/Saturday night at home just pottering around? I have low self esteem issues and am constantly doubting that I'm 'normal'. I probably go out in the evening a couple of times a month and meet a friend for coffee about the same. I think I'm having some kind of midlife crisis. What do you do when you're at home for entertainment?

I would LOVE to be out all the time. But my husband is more of a homebody and my friends can only cope with a night out once every 6 weeks or so.

So I am resigned to being at home rather than out dancing as often as I'd like. Your social life sounds normal to me.

I have one friend who is out all the time but she is single and she only goes out with her other single friends. She's the only person over 40 that I know who goes out out a lot.

Yeah my husband is more of a homebody too. I think a lot of my insecurities come from the fact I didn't really make any friends until I was in my thirties. I've got a fear that I'll be lonely and friendliness again

I go through phases. If I don’t have much social life for a couple of months I will feel a bit down at the end and will usually try to arrange some things.

However I have lost touch with various friends over the years (mostly as people have moved away) so don’t have loads of people to call on.

DH likes socialising but literally never organises anything, so that doesn’t help 🙄

Last week was out afternoon and early evening one night out for dinner at gastropub the other.

Week before holidays

Weekend spent at home

Then a takeaway for a family birthday one evening and a big daytime party the next day.

Weekend before that I was in London

Before that was in a work weekend trip away.

This weekend I'm sat in the sofa eating fast food, half price Ben and Jerry's and watching IACGMOOH.

But in reality I'd love to put in party dress and hit a cocktail bar and party and dance like I did in my 20s

I find my social life is more situational!

DH is also a dullard.

I live too far from the majority of my friends for casual socialising (we moved for work). We also, mainly, have smallish DC. So far less active than I would like it to be but I’ve accepted that.

See I never did partying in my teens/twenties sadly for multiple reasons and I feel like I missed out terribly. God, I need counseling!

Bloody never 🤣 once every 2 or 3 months?! And then I'll usually end up driving due to living in the sticks, not that I mind too much. Lots of my friends live further away & my child care options are very limited.

I meet friends for coffee probably twice a week, but we all have young kids so it's a bit different. Going out on an evening probably twice a month somewhere like cinema, bar, event etc.

It depends on how old you are and the ages of your DC. I am a homebody as is my OH so we love being at home in the evenings. However, if we are away from home, then we will go out to dinner.
I am rarely properly alone. There is always somebody else with me, even if it is on a different floor or the house.

I meet up with friends for things like meals and drinks a couple of times a month and different family usually twice a month.
It's different for me as in addition, I sing in a choir and a lot of my friends are in that choir, so I see them 2-3 times per week at rehearsals plus performances where we often go for drinks/food before or after. For example I'm singing tomorrow evening with them and that to me is an evening out with my friends.
I'm very sociable and see people a lot really as well as spending time with DH and DS. Prior to cutting back on spending over the last year and prior to Covid I was out a lot more. Everyone is different though.

I think I need to expand my horizons actually. I feel too dependant on socialising that has to be arranged rather than a running club with a monthly social, choir with rehearsal etc. Sometimes friends can be flaky but at least these things are reliable!

DelilahBucket, can you sing or is it just a bit of fun? I love singing but have no talent!

Our kids are adults/teens so that makes it easier than when they were younger. We go out every other Saturday evening usually for dinner/drinks/theatre/cinema, just as a couple. We see our friends on the alternate Saturday evening. And we see friends weekdays often too but just at each other’s houses unless we’ve got concert tickets or something like that.. We do a few weekends away with friends each year where all the kids come too. Friday nights, we almost always stay home, have a takeaway, watch a film with the kids, sometimes play on the switch and be lazy.
When the kids were younger, we probably only went out once every few weeks and just had friends round or went to their houses.

That sounds nice, FallingsHowIFeel. We don't have enough couple friends to be seeing them that often, or maybe they just don't want to. I'd love to alternate dinner at each others houses

With my STBXH we went nowhere except social events v related to his hobby. Then I left him and met a gorgeous man who is into livemusic and we go out all the time and when I don’t go out with him Igo out with friends and bloody love this new c life😁

Maybe have a look at more groups locally to you? I used to go to a book club which was nice. What do you like doing?

This is something I sometimes feel insecure about. Growing up my mum always had a close knit friend group who she grew up with and who lived locally, and they'd just nip round and have a coffee etc, and go on days out with each other. The type of friends you can just ring an hour before and see if they were free etc.
I see my friends about once a month, as they live a little further out. Usually to go out for a meal or we'll go to each others houses and have a drink. I have co workers to gossip with and close siblings and my partner to tag along to day to day things so I don't feel lonely, but I do get a bit jealous of people who have really close knit friend groups.
I'm pregnant so hoping to make some local 'mum' friends but not a clue how to do it.

If you genuinely feel lonely and in need of a bit more socialisation I think a club would definitely help, or maybe volunteering. If you're like me though you probably just feel a bit insecure and that everyone else is living the life whilst you're at home, which isn't true.

A couple of times a month is plenty for me, but I'm quite introverted and so is Dh. We were at friends for dinner last weekend but nothing planned this weekend...personally I love a good potter.

FallingsHowIFeel I've always struggled to find hobbies but I'm quite into running so am intending to join a running club.

Now with late teenage kids? Hardly ever go out of an evening. Last weekend we went to Abba Voyage and then dinner with friends, but that's unusual. This past week I had lunch out with friends - that's fairly regular. Plus one or two coffee meet- ups a week. Usually have a friend over for a pre dinner drink and catch up either Friday or Sunday. That's it.
In my pre married days I was out way more, especially in my 20s, but I also worked in an office full of similar aged unattached people so we socialised a lot together.

Ages and stages

In my teens and twenties I was out all the time, I worked from late twenties in two places that were very sociable and until I had DS when I was 34 it was very much out for impromptu drinks after work often. In my second job we used to entertain visitors which our workplace paid for. After I had DS the impromptu stuff stopped but there was a free lunch or dinner every month in decent restaurants. So from 34 to 50 I was still out loads. I also tried quite a few hobbies from pottery to belly dancing. DH and I used to host a lot as it was harder to go out as a couple because we needed a sitter.

At 50 I had a serious illness develop so spent almost 4 years having treatment and learning how to do things again, so did nothing at all. I’m lucky I’m alive really. My social life is much gentler now. I have had a lot of friends die in the last five years which is incredibly sobering.

My plans for next week are two different friends round to lunch on different days, an online quiz with DH and a long walk on another day with my other retired early friend where we stop for a coffee along the way. I’m also in a hiking group but can only sign up for their walks that are up to about 5 miles. I am very tired by the evening so prefer daytime socialising.

Local ‘Meetup’ groups are good -not just about dating. I went to a couple of things newer me and now have a group of friends who can arrange things with separate to the ‘official’ ones -mostly women but a few men too.

Definitely do it. I’ve met most of my friends through shared interests/hobbies over the years. It’s hard to put yourself out there sometimes and I know you said you’ve struggled with low self esteem. Just remember there’s no ‘normal’ and most people are probably not actually as confident as they seem. You sound lovely so I’m sure if you’ll find nice people who will enjoy being around you. Good luck.

FallingsHowIFeel thank you😊

I hate going out socially and am more than happy with us being at home with each others company.
Family pop around from time to time and the occasional visit from a friend but that is it.
It really is personal preference, don't feel you have to do what others do, just do what pleases yourself.

I meet one of my friends once a week for a shopping/coffee day out. I go to the cinema about 5 times a month with a friend or my DH and have a meal out before or after about three of those times. I meet one of my friends about once a month for dinner. I meet up with my older DS about twice a month. I do something with relatives about 4 or so times a year.
I am out and about a lot but it’s usually with my DH.
I am happy with this amount of socialising.