People with 4 children- how did it compare to 3??

[ajarintennessee]

I’d really really like 4. But it will be so hard… I don’t want to talk dh into it if it will be years of slogging along just trying to survive the week. We both work full time and that would be unlikely to change, in case that’s relevant. I’m on maternity leave with our 3rd, it’s hard going but she is so beautiful. Tell me how the move from 3 to 4 was for you please, the good and the bad??

Bump

It depends on the age gap between all your children I think. I’ve got 4 but tbh there’s an 11 year gap between my eldest and youngest so things were a little easier compared to a friend of mine who had 4 quite close together.

I didn’t find it much harder going from 3 to 4, I found going from 1 to 2 more of a shock to the system.

2 are now young adults and 2 are early teens. The only thing I’d say that I found difficult is finding an activity that would suit all four of them but it was a lot of compromise.

Thanks blackhearts if I were younger there would be a gap like that but i can’t afford to wait - if we have another one it will about 9 years gap altogether. Which isn’t terrible, two would be at school and the eldest wouldn’t need a car seat anymore so could get lifts from friends to activities sometimes (he does quite a lot)

Mine are all close together - you'll need a big car. Going from 1 to 2 was much harder than going from 3-4.

That’s what I wonder - that maybe 3 vs 4 won’t be so hard… it would definitely be £££! I really wish I were younger and could let this sit for a couple of years. (But I do know how lucky I am already!)

With three, I've found it much harder with them all at school and having a million appointments (one child needs braces, one has glasses,) school events, and taking everybody to different music lessons, swimming, sports clubs, keeping on top of homework and so on than having three little ones.

3 to 4 little ones probably wouldn't make a huge difference, sling an extra one in the double buggy and off you go.
But I know I would find giving enough time to another child now really hard.

I'd suggest waiting a few years and seeing how you feel about another then.

I found 3 to 4 much much harder so going against the grain like significantly more harder 3 was quite nice but 4 has been so difficult (but I should mention I’m a lone parent so that will of course change things)

Hats off to you spinningfloppa, bringing up 4 on your own must feel like a marathon that is done at a sprint pace. I hope you are proud of yourself!
katapolts that’s a fair point about the time cost when they are older. I don’t really have years to wait and think about it though, I’m 40 next year.

I barely noticed
We needed a bigger car, but mine were all close together so 5, 4 and 3 when no 4 came along. We had a good routine going, and no 4 just slotted in!

We soon discovered no 4 had special needs, so lots of appointments etc, which made life tricky at times .

However it was perfectly doable, they have all grown up very close and I'm very glad we have four! It was far harder going from 1-2!

I only have two but now they are teens there is no way I could cope with double and I only work part time. They seem to get harder and needier as they get older. Lots of homework, friendship issues, exam pressures, wanting expensive items, being their taxi in the evenings etc etc. I can’t imagine doing that for 4!

Going from 2-3 MUCH harder than 3-4 xxx

I don't have any experience of 4 (or even 3) but now my two are at school I find things like homework and reading so hard to fit into our evenings so all that would need to be considered.

I've heard 0-1 is much harder than 1-2, honestly I think everyone is going to have a different experience because every baby and every age gap is different and honestly a few months can make so much difference to childrens' needs, ability to do things independently when theyre younger..
Also depends on what kind of person you are and what kind of mother you want to be, if I was younger and had more time I would have longer age gaps so each child could have the attention they deserve, older with less time I feel smaller is better so I can bond like I want to...

I'm another who thought 1-2 was the toughest. 0-1 I was prepared, 2-3 was more of the same, 3-4 was fine.

Wow. Possibly the worst thing you can do for the environment! Why is anyone having even thinking about this these days?!
Anyhow - be wary of any answers given for kids that are still young as more kids affects the family dynamics as they get older too, plus lots of kids = incredibly expensive when they grow up and need as much food/things etc as adults.

Possibly the worst thing you can do for the environment! Why is anyone having even thinking about this these days?!

Not going to make much difference environment-wise. Good for the future of the UK economy though.

Good luck, OP.

I have 7 and quiet a big gap between my 7th and the other 6 who are close together in age (17, 16, 14, 13, 12, 9, 10 months) Honestly the biggest shock was going from 1 to 2 for me.

Don’t underestimate the amount of input that teenagers need. And I am not talking about money, although that too. I have been really surprised about the amount of active parenting that teenagers need. There is a lot of pressure on them in the school system and I find they need a lot of support. Even simple stuff like keeping morale up when they are feeling the exam stress.

Fair point goldfish. And while I’ve done a budget it’s based on us both working full time. That may not be feasible with teens so I should look at it again for a part time income so we can be at home more.

Name change fail oops.

I had four under five. That was hard work. Now they are teenagers it is very expensive but the house is full of love and fun so not being able to go on abroad holidays etc has its compensations.

We have 4. When younger it was fine now they are teens/young adults it is unbelievably expensive. Going on holiday is like paying for 6 adults. Shoes are eyewatering especially if they like sport (mine have school shoes/running trainers/ football boots and shoes to wear at weekend and holidays. At 4 x £35 a pop times 4 it's expensive. We used to be able to pass down clothes but now they all have different sizes different shapes and different styles. It's tough tough tough.
Also I would not do it for the environmental reasons now known

We had 4 in seven years, not entirely planned. It was very hard and still is practically, financially etc. I have very few memories of my youngest 2 being babies and toddlers as it was just all so stressful but then I was working nightshifts and things around my dh and going back to work when they were each around 6 months old, so it may just have been my situation.

Not sure how we got through the expensive teen years ! Even no we are heading towards the end of teen years we have Uni costs. this autumn we have had to find over 5k for ds3's Uni accomodation as his loan does not cover this and living costs. He knows he has to get a job soon but struggles i think as he thinks he has ADHD for which he is seeking a diagnosis. We have paid the first instatement of £2600 and have to find the same again by jan 1st ! then dd may also go to Uni this year so double that next year. Short of re-mortgaging the house I don't know how we will do it, we both have not great paying jobs, joint income around 55k. We just feel lucky we have no mortgage.

I should add - we have already done 3 years of mainly paying for DS1's Uni costs, fortunately DS2 has done an apprenticeship instead of Uni so he is thankfully self-sufficient, DS3 we are currently paying Uni costs for and DD next year. We are mid-fifties and feel we should be doing things we want but can't! Like you if I had my time again, I would not have 4 for environmental reasons, the climate crisis terrifies me.