Twenty one years since my husband died and...

[Elderflower14]

I still have moments when I stop and want to weep... My DH died in 2001. Ds2 found him and couldn't wake him up.. 😔 😔
Today I was organising assisted travel for ds2 on the train.... I was talking to the assistant about things that have gone wrong in the past and he said "Oh and of course its you and his Dad he goes to when these things happen...."
I just gave a gulp and didn't speak for a moment... I didn't tell the man that my husband died a long time ago..
On a day to day basis I'm fine it's just occasionally things come along go bump!

Grief is like glitter. Long after you've cleaned up you will still find pieces of it tucked into corners.

Sending you love ❤️

That's a lovely saying. And so true

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's the little things that trigger so unexpectedly.

I love that comment about glitter, it really resonated with me.

I'm so sorry , do you want to talk about him @Elderflower14 ? I seem to remember that your son is W but I maybe wrong

I’m so sorry for your loss, reading your post has brought tears to my eyes. My friend was widowed when she was 39, she’s 59 now and there are so many expected and unexpected triggers to her grief. Only those that have experienced loss can truly understand. Sending love.

So sorry for your loss, time really doesn’t heal does ot, just sort of papers over the cracks. 💐

I'm so sorry for your loss and yes, I can totally identify with the glitter comment another poster made. Also one innocent comment, a song and you can be floored. I hope you are OK - sending a big hug.

Yes W is my son.
His Dad was thirty four years older than me... He was an ex SAS soldier. He trained all the men that went into the Iranian Embassy in 1980 and he had retired two weeks before.
In 2009 I was at the Army Museum in Chelsea with a friend.. There was a poster for an SAS forces Day and the lady on the till heard me talking about DH with my friend. We left the museum and were walking down the street when we heard someone running up the pavement behind us and a hand came down on my shoulder. I looked at my friend and asked if we had forgotten to pay for something. I turned round and it was the lady from the till saying her colleague wanted to talk to me... I really panicked but it turned out he was organising the Forces Day and he wanted to give me a ticket!
I met two ex soldiers who had worked with DH, one who had been in Malaya with him and also Rusty Firmin who was in the embassy... I bought both their books and they wrote their memories of DH in the books for ds2.

@Elderflower14 I'm 2 1/2 years into my journey and totally understand how you feel. My amazing MIL is 50 years into her journey, it still catches her when she least expects it. Very unMN hug to you

That is so lovely and so true.
Sending you love too, OP. ❤️

I completely get this, elderflower. It's 12 years for me. I don't cry often now, but I can still be brought up short - just the disbelief that it really happened.
It also now feels such a long time since I was with him, and my world is filled with lots of people who didn't ever know him.
I think every new stage me and my boys go through in life brings an adjustment.
The glitter reference is perfect. We will always be changed by being so young when we lost the person we expected to be with for our whole lives. It will never not be sad for me, but I'm not sure it's obvious to people around me.

One night when we hadn't been married long we were staying in a Travel Lodge... DH was a terrible snorer.. I tried everything that night to stop him. I poked, prodded, shook, rolled him over... He carried on snoring... When he woke up in the morning he was most alarmed to find me not in the bed... "Darling...? Darling.... Where are you?"
I was in the bath with the spare bedding!!!

Thankyou.... I love this... ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Fernleigh22 · Today 19:42

Grief is like glitter. Long after you've cleaned up you will still find pieces of it tucked into corners.

This is so beautiful and true

22 years this weekend, sending you ❤

Still breaks my heart when DD asks questions.

What a beautiful story @Elderflower14 , I'm also familiar with where they train -family lived there- how weird is that? SAS are bloody amazing
It sounds like he was very well respected and a decent man

@Alexandra2001 to you , it must be very hard

💚

25 years for me , I was 31 , life has moved on and I have remarried but there are still moments of tears , big life events for our children but often a random thing sets me off. Also playing with the grandchildren that he never got to see . It's always there coming to get you when you least expect it

DH had a very naughty sense of humour too... We were out while on holiday in a cafe having lunch and were sat next to a table with several twittering old ladies... They were looking at DH and I and whispering... DH picked up on this leant in and whispered very loudly.. "When will your husband be home??" I replied equally loudly "If we go home now we can have two hours in bed!!!" We upped and left DH turned and winked at the ladies leaving them with their mouths hanging open...!!

Aw he sounds fabulous ! And I love the glitter saying. It's my dad not my DH I lost but I still find glitter in the weirdest things

Oh, hello Elderflower. I haven’t seen you around for ages.
Sending you a HUGE hug and thank you for sharing stories of your wonderful husband.

Lovely stories, Elderflower.

He sounds like a wonderful man.

I lost my partner of 14 years in 2001 too, he was 39, had a heart attack & died in the middle of the night!

I am married now but still have days when the grief can be overwhelming & the odd what if!

I don’t like twee statements ..bit too analytical…but this one is actually quite true and can , at times, unfortunately be equally as annoying and irritating when found at wrong time and place , or bring a smile to the face when found at better time and place.
im saying to myself I need to remember this quote going forward,

I remember you of old. How is W doing? It must be so very hard for you.