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Original poster

12yr old DS seems very young still?

40 replies

Mull · 07/11/2022 20:47

Hi, not even sure what I’m asking here, maybe just looking for reassurance?

DS (12) is a happy lad, doing well at school (Y8) , no additional needs. But I’ve realised that he seems much younger than friends DS’s of the same age.

He is tall for his age but puberty has not started yet. He has friends but does not want to meet up with them outside of school, he’s happy to spend his time with us. He will play happily with his sister (10) although seems a bit lost when we are with his cousins who are all younger.

He always talks with a babyish voice when he’s at home. I find it quite irritating but bite my tongue. I wondered if he is pushing back against growing up / school getting more serious etc etc?

Does anyone have experience of this? Friends DS’s are all becoming much more social, out and about, don’t want to spend time with family. I KNOW I should just be enjoying it while DS is so happy to spend time with us but I’m managing to worry about it 🙄

OP posts:
RedWingBoots · 07/11/2022 20:49

Does he talk to other relatives that don't live with you and his peers with his babyish voice?

IScreamAtMichaelangelos · 07/11/2022 20:55

My DS1 is 11 (Yr 7) and very social, hanging out with friends etc. DS2 is 10 and sounds like your son. I'd put it down to DS2 being autistic though (I'm autistic as well and also grew up later than peers). Could anything like that be a factor for your DS?

Original poster
Mull · 07/11/2022 20:56

@RedWingBoots not with peers, no. But he would do around extended family, particularly my mum and sister.

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Original poster
Mull · 07/11/2022 20:59

@IScreamAtMichaelangelos I don’t think he’s on the spectrum as far as I can see? No obvious traits but I know there are many less obvious ones. I feel like it’s more an unwillingness to grow up maybe? I’m probably reading FAR to much into it!

OP posts:
fortheloveofflowers · 07/11/2022 20:59

Why don’t you tell him to stop speaking in a baby voice? 😳

upfucked · 07/11/2022 21:01

There is a wide spectrum of behaviour in that age group. I’m an ex secondary teacher and it wouldn’t worry me. Does he not do any clubs eg scouts or football or something?

I would be telling him to stop the silly voice before you insane. I’ve done this with my own much younger children.

TheFarawayNearby · 07/11/2022 21:01

My DS seems slightly young for his age too. I think it's fine - we make sure he has lots of varied experiences, and we encourage and support him to make small steps towards being more independent. He'll get there in the end, it's not a race.

LittleDivasEverywhere · 07/11/2022 21:06

Mine is the same, minus the baby voice, and I have worried a bit. I don't think he's autistic although it's possible, very mildly (if that's a thing?!)

He's quite happy if I arrange a meet up with friends with similar age children though who he's known for a long time. But not so fussed about school friends.

I put it down to just being very busy at school and wanting to chill at home. He's always been a quieter boy than many. Contrast this to DS2 who always wants to be around people.

I guess if he gets to age 15/16 and still wants to hang around with us rather than friends I'll worry more but for now I'm trying to accept it.

Is your DS young in his year? Mine is, I wonder if that has an effect?

LunaCrystal · 07/11/2022 21:07

My DS is like this, Y8 also and loves playing with his 10 year old brother. Seems so young for his age compared to my friends sons who are the same age. I do worry a bit also as I don’t feel he’s on the same level as others his age and is very young/naive. But I guess he will grow up when he’s ready…

Original poster
Mull · 07/11/2022 21:18

fortheloveofflowers · 07/11/2022 20:59

Why don’t you tell him to stop speaking in a baby voice? 😳

I think I’ve not wanted to make it ‘a thing’ but maybe I should tell him to pack it in a bit!

OP posts:
Original poster
Mull · 07/11/2022 21:19

upfucked · 07/11/2022 21:01

There is a wide spectrum of behaviour in that age group. I’m an ex secondary teacher and it wouldn’t worry me. Does he not do any clubs eg scouts or football or something?

I would be telling him to stop the silly voice before you insane. I’ve done this with my own much younger children.

He does Scouts which is a wide range of ages and really enjoys that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mull · 07/11/2022 21:22

LittleDivasEverywhere · 07/11/2022 21:06

Mine is the same, minus the baby voice, and I have worried a bit. I don't think he's autistic although it's possible, very mildly (if that's a thing?!)

He's quite happy if I arrange a meet up with friends with similar age children though who he's known for a long time. But not so fussed about school friends.

I put it down to just being very busy at school and wanting to chill at home. He's always been a quieter boy than many. Contrast this to DS2 who always wants to be around people.

I guess if he gets to age 15/16 and still wants to hang around with us rather than friends I'll worry more but for now I'm trying to accept it.

Is your DS young in his year? Mine is, I wonder if that has an effect?

I think you may be right about being busy at school so just wanting to chill at home. DS’s school is quite pushy academically which he is coping really well with, but maybe that’s his limit for interactions etc? Maybe?

OP posts:
lbnblbnb · 07/11/2022 21:29

I am a secondary teacher and agree with PP - there is a wide range within each year group, and different rates of development. I teach a year 8 class that has a six foot tall boy in it and a boy who wouldn't look out of place in year 6. It all evens out in the end. I would have a gentle chat with him about the baby voice though.

hippydyegirl · 07/11/2022 21:31

Hmm

Loopyloooooo · 07/11/2022 21:31

The baby voice would drive me crackers so I would nip that in the bud a bit. Tell him you cant understand him when he's talking like that and ignore him when he does. He'll soon stop.

Otherwise if he's doing scouts and seems happy at school then I wouldn't worry about the rest. We're not all cut out to be social butterflies with our peers. And in the adult world we have friends/acquaintances who are different ages with similar interests to ourselves and of course a lot of adults are happy with their family as their "friends" and don't necessarily need friends. Not sure if I'm making sense 🤣

I would though push him a bit more with independence and responsibilities if you don't already. Life skills etc. The rest will click naturally when he's ready , just enjoy him as he is. I think sometimes we get so wrapped up in worries about our DC that we forgot we had them to enjoy them sometimes (me included!!).

fortheloveofflowers · 07/11/2022 21:42

I think if he burying my child under the patio if he spoke in a baby voice. I want to do harmful things to adults that speak in that kind of voice. 😂
I’d definitely tell him to stop!

LemonsAndCherries · 07/11/2022 21:43

Honestly I wouldn't say anything about the voice, it's doing no harm and may in some way be fulfilling a need. He's at an age st school where there are demands academically and socially all day.

He has a hobby so it's not as if he has nothing outside of school.

Leave him be, he'll grow up at his own pace. Don't make him feel uncomfortable at home.

Original poster
Mull · 07/11/2022 21:48

hippydyegirl · 07/11/2022 21:31

Hmm

Anything useful to add to that?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mull · 07/11/2022 21:50

Thank you all for your replies, I feel a bit more reassured. I think I will go down the route of asking him to speak more clearly if I can’t understand him, for my sanity at least!

OP posts:
BogRollBOGOF · 07/11/2022 22:19

My y7 (who admittedly is autistic) and y5 both play a lot. It's a healthy release of energy and imagination. While less stuff and more playspace wouldn't go amiss, I'm not in a hurry to stop them playing.

Childhood was a bit longer in the 90s, but I played until about 13/14 when it began fizzling out. It was a bit boring after that, but the spark to play had gone. Play is a good escape from the world and a way to process concepts. Curiously my y5 stopped playing in 2020 when he was totally understimulated and had no variety of company; he just ran out of stimulation and seemed to lose interest until he went back to school and it came back. He plays more at 9 than he did at 7.

I do ask them to speak clearly though. I can't hear mumbling/ daft voices anyway.

icelolly12 · 07/11/2022 22:21

He's not even a teenager yet, he's still a child. Let him grow up at his own pace.

UnicornsDoExist · 07/11/2022 22:40

My dd is the same age, 12 in a few weeks and was talking in a baby voice, it was annoying but we tried not to make a big deal out of it and she has grown out of it pretty much. we do think she is on the spectrum.

however she was an extremely cute baby/toddler and received a lot of attention for that. I think she found it hard getting older and losing that cuteness, she always says she wish she could stay a baby

thaegumathteth · 07/11/2022 22:49

Ds was similar apart from the baby voice. He's 15 now though and much more Kevin the teenager like.

Nutmeg321 · 07/11/2022 23:09

Maybe the baby voice is him trying to communicate that he needs a bit of “motherly love”, like cuddles and attention? He is probably feeling overwhelmed at school and needs a bit of respite from being a “grown up” all day long. I think it’s natural and he will outgrow it when he’s ready to.

Ozgirl75 · 08/11/2022 03:09

I have a 12 year old (although he’s in year 6 as we’re in Australia) and he’s also pretty happy hanging out at home. He likes going to friends houses but he isn’t always off with friends. He has a busy life with school and after school activities and I think he just likes a quiet calm time of it when he’s at home.

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