12yr old DS seems very young still?

[Mull]

Hi, not even sure what I’m asking here, maybe just looking for reassurance?

DS (12) is a happy lad, doing well at school (Y8) , no additional needs. But I’ve realised that he seems much younger than friends DS’s of the same age.

He is tall for his age but puberty has not started yet. He has friends but does not want to meet up with them outside of school, he’s happy to spend his time with us. He will play happily with his sister (10) although seems a bit lost when we are with his cousins who are all younger.

He always talks with a babyish voice when he’s at home. I find it quite irritating but bite my tongue. I wondered if he is pushing back against growing up / school getting more serious etc etc?

Does anyone have experience of this? Friends DS’s are all becoming much more social, out and about, don’t want to spend time with family. I KNOW I should just be enjoying it while DS is so happy to spend time with us but I’m managing to worry about it 🙄

My ds at 12 was perfectly happy to stay at home, play computer games, not go into town. He had no signs of puberty, his voice was still high, he was about 5' tall. He was just a long legged skinny child and all well within the range of normal.

Now he's 14, physically he's changing - his shoulders are broadening (lots of swimming), he's grown about 4" this year, he has one fine hair growing out of his cheek, his room smells more 'pungent' and he's eating like the proverbial horse.
And whereas before, girls were a faceless group to be ignored, now he has definitely noticed one of them. Again all normal.

Your DS is only 12, he's still a child, enjoy it and let him be. In two years time, his room will smell like an armpit, your food bill will have doubled and you'll be lucky if he talks to you at all 😀

I won’t worry

i tend to find boys hit puberty later than girls…by year 9–10 he will start to change. Thou he may continue with baby voice…which eventually he will drop with time and confidence in his new found body changes

I went through a phase of talking in a baby voice as a teenager, particularly to my dad for some reason. Maybe because he was the one who was giving me lifts and thanking someone for a favour was prime baby voice time.

I hadn't even noticed i was doing it. I'd made friends with a new group of girls and a couple of them spoke like that at times. I must have just copied it to fit in. My dad must have been finding it very irritating because he quite bluntly told me to stop doing it. I felt a bit embarrassed because it wasn't something I'd realised I was doing, but did stop. I would say try not to embarrass him but if you point it out he will more than likely stop doing it.

My son was very young at 12 too. He does have a condition which means he is physically behind his peers. He's almost 15 now and definitely in the grip of puberty. Enjoy him being young while you can!

@Mull I could have written exactly your post except my DS is in Y7. DS also does scouts and swimming but enjoys lots of family time rather than wanting to go out with friends. He seems to have become more cuddly and I wonder whether it is a reassurance from the worry of growing up.

Thanks all for the messages. @MumtoBR I have found reassurance in this thread that I should just enjoy DS while he is still child-like. I do like to worry unnessasarily so I’m really going to try and relax about it.

Thanks for starting this post. My DD is exactly the same, including baby voice at times. We also find it a bit irritating but we are very gentle and I know she'll grow out of it. She's doing well at school but doesn't feel the need to see children from school outside of school and seems perfectly happy to spend free time with us at home relaxing. I was also a bit worried but can see that others are the same. 12'is still very young despite being in secondary school!

Personally I’d also address the baby voice. At 12 id be concerned about the fact he was doing that. But you need to address it gently with him. That’s something he needs to knock on the head. He is clearly getting something from doing it, or he wouldn’t keep doing it. It’s a form of attention seeking, the question is why does he want you your mum and sister to treat him like a baby

My daughter did the baby voice thing, asking her to stop didn't work but making a bit of a joke of everybody joining in with the silly voice (she wasn't upset) put an end to it, she could hear how silly we sounded and it dawned that it wasn't cute!

My 11yo DS does a baby voice when he doesn't get his own way, we call it the mumblewhine and fuck ME it's annoying! He can be a very young 11 at times too. Like a PP said, sometimes I think it's a reassurance about growing up thing, as he's very much straddling two life stages at the moment.

Worth keeping an eye on but not overly worrying.

If there's not enough evidence to refer for autism assessment then there is no point anyway.

My year 8 ds is a baby at home. But he is also hanging out with mates and always trying to go out with mates or stay in on devices (thwarted by his mean and completely unreasonable parents. )he is small too.---- Sometimes I see him walking up the road with his friends and it's like a little kid going to the park with his dad!

My 11 year old DD occasionally speaks in a baby voice. I make out that I’m struggling to understand what she’s saying, keep saying ‘pardon?’ ‘sorry, I can’t quite catch what you’re saying’ etc, until she repeats it in a normal voice.

I often think their independence development was hindered by the lockdowns. They couldn’t go out playing with their friends at a time when they would normally so are possibly a bit behind in maturity. I’m sure they’ll start to catch up in time. I guess the positive is that we can enjoy the closeness more before the grunting years start.

A child ... behaving like ... a child hmm 🤔

Would you rather he was smoking & drinking cider down the park or sat in the library comparing mortgage interest rates?

The window for childhood is a narrow one. He will spend less than a quarter of an average lifespan being a child and children mature at different rates, both physically, mentally and neurologically - their brains aren't fully functioning until mid twenties.

Why do you think play is childish?

As for the voice - what YouTube does he watch? His age group are the generation of annoying (to us) voices that boost content on YT and narration of everything they're doing.

Apart from the babyish voice, I wouldn’t worry, he’ll get there soon enough. But I’d ignore anything said in the baby voice - a tactic I used with whining - which I really never could bear. Talk properly!!!