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Original poster

What do you wish your parents did differently?

126 replies

sirensi · 06/11/2022 23:48

Interested now I'm a mother.

I wish my mum didn't call me dramatic all my life. Really I was just anxious, and these were my feelings. It's left me unable to talk about my problems now

OP posts:
Mumof3teenagers · 06/11/2022 23:52

I wish my mother didn’t stay with my abusive father until I was 18. I wish he wasn’t a narcissistic, wife beating , coercive scumbag!
I wish I had a different childhood full of happy memories.

purpleme12 · 06/11/2022 23:58

That she was affectionate and loving ie made me feel loved.
Said I love you, hugged me and stuff

BooksAreSaferThanPeople · 07/11/2022 00:00

I wish they had said sorry and owned their mistakes. Neither of them will ever admit they did anything wrong. And they did a lot wrong.

I also got accused of being a drama queen OP so I can totally relate to that. I wasn't being dramatic. I was a very anxious child as a direct result of the way my parents raised me.

I've made it a habit to apologise to my children when I get things wrong. If I snap because I'm having a bad day or whatever I say sorry. It's important. And I recognise that my son also isn't being dramatic, he's anxious just like I was, though for different reasons.

nonstoprenovation · 07/11/2022 00:04

Talked more about family, history and themselves.

Shared more skills, knowledge and life skills.

Talked about their health openly, so I could know and understand any medical family issues and what to keep an eye on.

For example I've just discovered in my 40s that I have high cholesterol when I told my parents, they told me oh yes we take medication our has been high for years etc.. like high high.. zero heads up!

JustAnotherHappyFatty · 07/11/2022 06:12

I wish they didn't have to have total control through my teenage years, they deliberately kept me dirty, unfashionable and would never let me go anywhere (if anyone asked me to which was rare)
Then they completely dropped the reins when I turned 18, apparently I could then magically adult having been kept away from the normal world my whole life up until that point.

Nearlymorning · 07/11/2022 06:17

I have a lot more sympathy for my mum now I’m a parent. I understand better how hard it is and how wearing.

But I wish both she and my dad had been a bit more protective - OK, it was the 80s and I know things were different but I ended up in so many scary and downright dangerous situations.

lifeinthehills · 07/11/2022 06:26

Not be so critical and invalidating, not tell me there wasn't money for things when there was money for smokes at all times, listen to me and acknowlege my feelings and experience instead of invalidating it.

MegGriffinshat · 07/11/2022 07:49

Tell me that I could do things. Have a career, what those were.

Honestly, I never knew I could do anything. I know it sounds stupid, but I had no idea I could do anything other than crap jobs.

It was clear that I wasn’t the brightest spark, but careers were never spoken about, ever (not by my school either). They were for other people, not me.

I’ve needed up a SAHM just doing care work here and there over the years.

RFPO77 · 07/11/2022 07:49

Nearlymorning · 07/11/2022 06:17

I have a lot more sympathy for my mum now I’m a parent. I understand better how hard it is and how wearing.

But I wish both she and my dad had been a bit more protective - OK, it was the 80s and I know things were different but I ended up in so many scary and downright dangerous situations.

God I could have written this. How myself and my siblings made it to adulthood is astounding! We lived near the sea as well and were regularly left unsupervised on the beach from 6 years old 😳

boredOf · 07/11/2022 07:52

I wish my mother lived longer.

SheCameRoundAMountain · 07/11/2022 07:56

Now that I have young adult DC myself, I am agog that my mother didn't encourage me to go to uni (we were overseas at the time and I was awarded a full scholarship). And that she did encourage me to date an older man, which quickly led to marriage by age 20. I accept I made my own choices, but the fact she rang no alarm bells is beyond disturbing to me. No way I would be happy about my DC giving up opportunities the way I did.

MidnightConstellation · 07/11/2022 07:59

purpleme12 · 06/11/2022 23:58

That she was affectionate and loving ie made me feel loved.
Said I love you, hugged me and stuff

Me too. I wish both my parents had done that.

Underanothersky · 07/11/2022 08:02

I wish they hadn't adopted me.

DaisyDozyDee · 07/11/2022 08:04

There are life changing decisions my mother made that I will never understand. Not stupid decisions as such, but just ones driven by priorities very different to my own.

incogniton · 07/11/2022 08:05

Wish my mum hadn't given me diet pills and encouraged me to lose weight when I wasn't overweight when I was 14. Fucked up my relationship with food and suffered with a lifelong ED.

But resented her for that long before I became a mum.

LegodOut · 07/11/2022 08:06

Advised me better on A level choices/university degree. As it happens, my slightly odd choices haven't held me back, but they were entirely hands off in that respect (as they were with all schoolwork matters. Fortunately I was self-motivated). I'm much more hands-on with my DC!

thinkponk48 · 07/11/2022 08:07

I wish they hadn't been religious. All they cared about was how the local gossips at the church might think about things

Rockingcloggs · 07/11/2022 08:07

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Autumn101 · 07/11/2022 08:09

Been more open emotionally, I don’t think they ever said they loved us or were proud of us. Anything stressful or big decisions we were told to just get on with it, it’s up to us etc so I would say we didn’t ever feel the unconditional love or support I try to give my kids now. My mum is very different now she’s older and with my DC is very loving and open, my dad still is totally switched off

violetcuriosity · 07/11/2022 08:18

Apologised to us when they were wrong, especially my mum. She used to give us silent treatment for days at a time for the tiniest things and I used to dread going home during these times because there was nothing you could do apart from go and say sorry yourself and literally have to beg for forgiveness. Even writing it down now makes me uncomfortable. I now make sure I'm the complete opposite with my kids, we both apologise but I only ever ask her to say sorry for the things she's actually sorry for and then we move on quickly with lots of cuddles. Saying this, I also now have more of an understanding of her struggles working in mental health myself.

crystalize · 07/11/2022 08:24

@MegGriffinshat Same here. Wasn't encouraged at school (I was really bright) or told what I should do about work. Absolutely no guidance.

I wish I had been protected. Was left to my own devices so had to learn about life/relationships etc the (painfully) hard way.

sashh · 07/11/2022 08:27

Listen to me.

Realise that just because my older brother wanted something or to do something I might not.

Not force me in to a VI form that I hated, made me ill and that I still have nightmares about.

Not force me to walk home 'the long way' just in case they were in the car and could pick me up. But if they didn't I had to walk an extra mile on my own, at 9.

RosesAndHellebores · 07/11/2022 08:32

My post will be too.lomg to read so I,'m just going to say that my epitaph will say very simply "She tried to please her Mother - she never did".

PuttingDownRoots · 07/11/2022 08:33

Seen me as Me not just my brothers sister... and that we were both equally intelligent just in different ways. I think I'd be a lot happier if I hadn't been forced to play an instrument, GCSE music etc.

I also realise how lucky am I that being made to do one subject I didn't enjoy is my biggest complaint!

(I also wish autism was better understood 20 years ago, but thats not my parents fault.)

LettingsBe · 07/11/2022 08:35

I wish they'd taught me how to exist alone. Now I am an adult I feel permanently like a 3 year old crying in the dark because she doesn't know how to handle life. I feel totally unequipped.

I will never, ever forgive them.