Colleague told me i need to be a mum

[Sexismandwork]

This happened to me pre kids and it still winds me up today.

I had the flu and was off work two weeks..when I returned my male colleague told me I needed to become a mum, because i will then be able to power on.

My heart sank and i went quiet. I've still not managed to process wtf this comment was about.

The company solicitor was sat there when he said it. His manager was and my line manager was. He was not pulled up. They never said anything to me about it. Nothing was said to call him out...in front of me anyway.

Anyone able to tell me how a workplace should have dealt with this?

Well I'd have had PLENTY to say to him, but I know its not always easy when you're stunned.

The colleagues should have immediately shut him down and told him that was incredibly inappropriate and a good line manager would have followed up with each of individually I'm private.

Off with the flu for two weeks is a long while so I understand that there might be resentment and frustration at your workplace as to why you were off for such a long time.

Thw comment about comparing you to a mother was crass as die all they know you could have fertility problems.

However, it’s not something that would have annoyed me but I would have felt embarrassed that clearly everyone thought I had take far too much sick leave.

It was a sexist comment and he should be pulled up. Organise a meeting, familiarise yourself with your workplace policies and procedures, follow and put everything in writing.

Honestly I would have been tempted to reply in a lighthearted, smart arse way with ‘Well, I guess I’m more like a dad then.’

Have you literally been thinking about this for years?? It’s just a stupid remark.

If your line manager was there, I'd raise it in supervision. Because s/he heard it. As a , "about what Gary said in the meeting the other day". Then pause, see what is said.

Oh FFS I missed that it was a hundred years ago.

Maybe you do need to toughen up.

I agree two weeks seems like a long time but some flu symptoms can last longer then a few days and if your workplace (like here in Australia) still have Covid restrictions such as stay at home if you have symptoms, then what can you do?

Fuck me you're still thinking about this thoughtless, stupid years later?

Maybe he had kids and flu and couldn't take 2 weeks off?

I mean that wouldn't give him the 'right' to say what he said but whatever.

*Thoughtless stupid 'remark'

I missed that too. Why would it still bother you?

Genuine flu can absolutely flatten you,especially if you have complicating health issues, so 2 weeks off isn't unreasonable. Lots of people claim to /believe they have flu when they just have a bad cold.

And if the comment made the op feel as belittled and undermined as she might have done, then it's not unreasonable that it still bothers her. It's also late and sometimes we start thinking about things like this at this time of night.

I don’t have children and was treated to a group of people (men and women) in work chatting over my head about how selfish people without children are.

I literally glared them out of it, and they wandered off red-faced.

That was two days ago. I certainly won’t be dwelling on this for years to come.

Let it go, OP.

2 weeks with flu isn't long actually as pp say. If it's really it wipes you out completely.
But why are you still pondering over this op??

I asked how a workplace should have dealt with it? It's a HR / legal question really.

I'm not sat here dithering about it. But thorough insomniac boredom, I've finally got time to ask the question.

My boss would have ripped him publicly. Very quietly. She's like a ninja. I wouldn't have needed HR.

My manager would've rolled her eyes and told him it was a dick comment.

But then again so would I if he'd have made that comment to me.

We are banned from coming into the office if we have any virus, whatsoever. If we turned up we would be sent straight back out.

Ok, fair enough. Most of my past workplaces expected people to work things out for themselves unless it was a repeated issue (bullying) or there was a legitimate threat that needed higher up to step in. I think their attitude is: you are an adult, speak up for yourself and communicate professionally and assertively.

What do you think you need to process about a remark from years ago?

People make stupid throw away remarks all the time. I can't believe you've dwelled on it all these years. Call him a twat and let it go.

I’ve had flu once in my life and I was in bed hardly able to move for a full week and felt like I couldn’t have fought my way out of a paper bag for another week so no 2 weeks isn’t a long time for genuine flu, not ‘I have a bad cold so I’ll say I have flu’.

back to the point; move on OP

How old was he? I imagine he was being flippant and comparing you to his mom as opposed to moms as peers.

From an HR/legal perspective there's nothing they should have done. People are allowed to say stupid things to each other, HR are not there to police that. What law did he break?

That's not to say it wasn't a dick comment, but we can all say stupid things from time to time.

I don't see why it's such a bad comment, I read it more as a praise for mums being able to manage kids, work, illness etc. A little clumsily put perhaps but more focused on the impressive capacity of many mums

To answer your question, I doubt any action would be taken in my workplace.

If it was repeated regularly it could be viewed as bullying/harassment. But not for a one off, I don't think.