Adolescent DD seems almost repulsed by me... normal??

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DD (just 13) has recently switched from being really close to me (her mum) to often acting like I'm kind of repugnant. So if I go to hug her, she'll sometimes not just shy away but also look at me like she's properly grossed out by me. I have an older DS, and he never did this, so I wasn't sure if this can be a standard part of adolescence...? No particular other issues that I know of for DD.
Anyone else's child so/done this?
TIA

Re hugs, I read something that says they’ll often sit next to you if they want physical contact rather than a hug. Mine often squash themselves next to me, or one lies with legs over me & I hug her feet. 🤣

Yes BOTH my teen girls. Id say my 18 year olds the worst currently but she's pretty immature for her age. My 13 year olds not too bad yet but its defo there some times. My nieces are the same with my sister too.

Parents become the biggest obstacle in their path to independence and freedom. Your parenting and the expectations, rules, and consequences that come with being a good parent - while most likely motivated by love and safety and a desire to see them become healthy adults is perceived as meddling, infantilizing, and unnecessary. Their friends are the only ones who 'get' them and they can want to spend more and more time with friends and away from parents who in their mind are not letting them grow up and who still see them as children.

Do everything you can to not react or show your hurt but also don't accept abuse or disrespect. Don't personalize it or make it about your feelings - make it about what respect means in the home to everyone. They actually still need the love and stability and attachments and support and guidance and safe place to land that home and parents provide. They just don't want that pointed out to them. You need also to shift to figure out how to provide those things in a different way than you did when they were kids.

I can remember the smell of my Mum repulsing me when I was 12/13/14. I felt so guilty about it at the time.
But I agree with PP that this is nature's way of encouraging children to leave their parents and strike out into independent adult life.
I still loved my Mum even in those years, and I still love her now. And by the time I was in my twenties I didn't mind her smell at all!
(PS My Mum was never a "smelly" person - it was just her natural - actually quite fragrant - aroma, and my pubescent reaction to it.)

My oldest ds was very cuddly and then didn’t come near me for years. Now at nearly 17 he hugs me again and it’s lovely!

I think it’s fairly normal but I admit now I have older teenagers, I give my younger children (youngest 10) hundreds of cuddles as I’m so aware it won’t last for ever.

How was your adolescence, OP?

I remember hating my mother for what felt like years. Now we're both old ladies she's my favourite person to hang with

Oh I am so glad to read this! My DD is 15. At the start of the summer ( when she was still 14) she hugged me all the time, came into bed for snuggles, told me she loved me and I was her favourite person. Then suddenly, the end of August arrived and I am clearly some kind of dreadful person! No hugs, no snuggles, she moves away from me if I try to hug her and if I say I love her it's met with eye rolling! I'm so glad it's not just me!

Yeah mine did this. Try as l might l found it hugely upsetting. Dd laughed it off.

Shes 16 now and just a total delight. Huggy, chatty, cuddly.

I'm going through this with 13 year old DS. He flinched if I go near him. However, when he's nervous about something (eg.he did his first cross country race this week for his school team) he asks for hugs frequently.

It's so confusing, I'm trying to just go with the flow and not take it personally.

My question is do you keep giving them hugs, even very brief ones, even just a touch of the arm when they're in flinch mode?

As everyone has said, it's very common. The best thing to do is only hug them with permission, respecting their boundaries is very important. Ignore them and the contempt will grow.

I wouldn't hug them if they don't want it. You want him to have bodily autonomy as a teen and to be allowed to have control over who touches him.

Very true and we've always been big on that. We've never made him kiss or hug relatives etc. He's always been very affectionate with us though. I'll just tell him i love him instead and enjoy the hugs when he asks for one.

Just want to add that it's normal. I went through that phase and saw my nieces go through it. My DD had her period at about 10 and 2 years later she's back to hugging me and cuddling. in the two years around the start of her period she really didn't want to be hugged, pushed me away. Have to let them and respect the boundary and try not to look sad about it because it's really normal. I think she wanted to establish her independence and that is right.
So no touching without permission but still be supportive and loving with words and gestures (your child's love language).

My DD is 14.5 and I had to get used to the utter disgust and eye rolls at everything I said, as soon as puberty arrived! Now she will occasionally throw herself on me for a random big hug - but the rest of the time I don’t attempt to hug her - I wait for her to come to me, when she wants. It’s a learning curve, parenting teenagers!
I also have a 13yr old SD who totally abhors human contact - so I leave her alone too, and try not to take it personally!

Think of teens as being like cats.

give them food, and respect the personal space 🤣

It’s hormones. Teenage girls are vile. But they come back.

From age 13-15 I used to walk behind of my mum when we went shopping 😂, and feel gross when she was affectionate with me. It's all part of the detachment of being kids! After that I enjoyed being around her again as my older teen self.
Just treat it with humour, be there for affection if they want it and it will pass!

Both my dses went through this.

Seems normal to me. They are 20 and 28 now and much better.

I always was affectionate at home; but no way would I be in public with my parents as a teen as it was uncool.

At 13 I saw myself as a Teenager or Young Adult but never a child.

I loved (and still do ) them very much but I wanted to fit in.

I hug them anywhere now.

YES! So painful. I can also remember feeling like that about my own mum. There was a pheromone thing happening I think - almost an odour (though my mum was always fresh and fragrant) I couldn’t stand. With teens, I found that they sometimes gravitate towards you if you’re sat on the sofa with a blanket, movie and chocolate. Don’t force it though. Try to keep communication open, be warm and available, and wait.

I think it's fairly normal op. My DD makes it clear in a multitude of ways that she can't stand me ATM.😄 It's a bit demoralising when you've spent years doing so much for them I must say! I try not to take it personally though as I've seen my sister go through the same thing and her DC have all turned out to be lovely young adults in the end! Also, I read a book about teenagers which said that they take the confusion, frustration and anger that they feel internally and project it on to someone they love. Plus as pp said, we are a source of conflict to them because we represent a lot of things they dislike and want to change, but at the same time, they need us because they are not fully independent yet.

I know this is an old thread but so glad I found it as im feeling particularly sad today about how both my teens 18 & 13 years old both seem to be repulsed by me. Don't think ive had a hug from my eldest since they were around 10 years old and cant see it ever changing after all this time. youngest has now recently started to pull away and flinch if I go in for a hug.
I felt particularly hurt today when I was in the company of friends with their teen dcs who are similar ages to mine and noticed their dcs were happy to hug their mums. Seems not all teens go through this.