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Original poster

Here's my shit made up joke...

44 replies

LoveShitJokes · 04/11/2022 20:05

I've started seeing a train driver. I've no idea if it's going anywhere but we're on the right track!

What's yours?!

OP posts:
NeverHadANickname · 04/11/2022 20:09

Made me smile OP!

Original poster
LoveShitJokes · 04/11/2022 20:11

Oh I've got loads!!

Something never quite added up with the accountant, he was calculating. But the fireman was hot 🔥

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveShitJokes · 04/11/2022 20:12

The paramedic asked me to rate him out of 10. I was like... 999

OP posts:
Enn1234 · 04/11/2022 20:13

🤣keep them coming!

dudsville · 04/11/2022 20:13

You're on a roll OP!😃

Dreikanter · 04/11/2022 20:14

I’ve decided to sell my Hoover – it was just collecting dust.

Original poster
LoveShitJokes · 04/11/2022 20:15

I went to a tennis match the other day and at the end everyone was cheering so loud! What a fucking racket!

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveShitJokes · 04/11/2022 20:16

The zoo near me is charging £100 per ticket. Are they having a giraffe?!

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveShitJokes · 04/11/2022 20:17

Being a tree surgeon is apparently quite dangerous.

I still wood... 🌳

OP posts:
Crikeyblimey · 04/11/2022 20:18

Not many vegetables can impersonate a nut but a pea can.

Original poster
LoveShitJokes · 04/11/2022 20:19

That air traffic controller was so rude! He said I was plane

OP posts:
Dreikanter · 04/11/2022 20:19

Crime in a tower block is wrong on so many levels.

00100001 · 04/11/2022 20:19

I was once a roller coaster engineer, it had its ups and downs.

HeadacheEarthquake · 04/11/2022 20:20

What coffee do the mafia order?

Al-puccino

BobbyBobbyBobby · 04/11/2022 20:20

My dog had seven pups. I named them: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Now every day will have its dog.

BobbyBobbyBobby · 04/11/2022 20:21

Just landed in the UK after a long- haul flight.
The crew were lovely, super, smashing, great.
It was a Bowen 747.

notforme · 04/11/2022 20:21

My Husband says I'm too competitive.
I told him i already knew that.

BobbyBobbyBobby · 04/11/2022 20:23

Just got in from work and I've been burgled. They have taken all the crisps and all the chocolate. They even took all the rice pots and noodles.

The Police reckon it's Snackheads

BobbyBobbyBobby · 04/11/2022 20:23

So I’ve just checked my home insurance policy and apparently if my duvet is stolen in the middle of the night, I’m not covered.

BobbyBobbyBobby · 04/11/2022 20:24

We didn’t have any pillows in our house when I was younger because we where so poor. So I had to use a sack of onions to sleep on. Every night I would cry myself to sleep.

BobbyBobbyBobby · 04/11/2022 20:25

😬

Here's my shit made up joke...
amillionrosepetals · 04/11/2022 20:25

Who is the world's cleanest footballer? Robin Van Persil.

BobbyBobbyBobby · 04/11/2022 20:26

I’m thinking of getting a job with Search and Rescue…..
Well, they’re always looking for people

BobbyBobbyBobby · 04/11/2022 20:28

I've been trying to get an appointment to see my doctor for ages. I finally
saw him on Tuesday and showed him the rash on my privates…
He just totally ignored me and kept pushing his trolley around Tesco's.

00100001 · 04/11/2022 20:29

Now I’m an astronomer, and my whole career is looking up.