Miserable with 2.5 year old sleep regression - please give advice?

[KnackeredMum81]

I'm sure many have been through this before so just reaching out for some ideas and a bit of a support network!

Our son aged almost 2.5 has been fighting bedtime and waking up multiple times in the night for the past 6weeks or so. Before this he was a great sleeper. I know 2 year sleep regression is a thing so just looking for advice for anyone who's been through this.

I'm starting to really feel awful jn myself as it's just relentless. He refuses to go to sleep and the bedtime routine is starting to take around 2 hrs of constant in and out of the room. Once he's asleep there's peace for a few hours but then he wakes around 2am every night and the whole dance repeats itself till about 3/4am.

I'm doing all the night wake ups apart from weekend since I work part time and husband has a stressful job. Husband is one of those who'll sleep through apocalypse though, so I still end up awake on those two weekend nights.

Anyway I digress. DS tries every single trick in the book to get me to stay. The main one is asking for water and asking me to wipe his nose, which I feel like I can't ignore, or not do! He asks for one more song, one more story etc constantly (which I don't give into and I set boundaries first).

I try to wait a while before going back in, and I don't talk when I do. I follow all the advice I've read, and we've pushed bedtime back later by an hour as well.

When he wakes in the middle of the night he'll scream for me and then do this whole thing over again. I get him calm by stroking his back but as soon as I leave the room he's sitting up screaming mama over and over.

We have a strong bedtime routine with bath etc, blackout blinds, Gro clock, bedtime story - you name it.

Does anyone know if there is anything else I can do? And how long this will last? I've lost my evenings and I'm feeling exhausted and miserable with it all to be honest.

Sorry to hear you are struggling OP. I have a 2.5 ds as well. He still wakes at least once a night and we still stay with him till he falls asleep, so feel your pain.

what I would say, is that my Ds knows the voice that says I have had enough! I don’t use it much, so when I say, it’s adult time now, or mummy is going now you can go to sleep, in a slightly more stern tone, he knows I’ve reached my limit and the fun is over. I never yell or anything but my tone becomes stern.

do you have a ‘no’ format that could work for you?

Thanks for your support @Northbynorthbreast

Unfortunately I don't think - in fact I know- that wouldn't work with my son. He's incredibly strong willed and would just say no in response.

Instead of trying to fix it, could you focus on ways to endure it more easily until the regression is over? Eg could you shift bedrooms/ beds around so there is somewhere proper for you to sleep in with him? And trust that it is a regression and your good sleep routine will win in the end?

That's what we did - put the cot in the spare room for a while so we could sleep on the spare bed if they woke rather than spending the night stroking them - all they wanted was a parent to be in the room, doesn't matter if that parent is snoring away! And after a couple of weeks they stopped waking and things went back to normal. It's crap, especially if you've been used to decent sleeping until now. But it will pass.

Mine is too but he also knows the line. As PP said we have also adapted sleep settings so at least everyone can sleep in same bed. And are very boring- if he gets to feel it’s special time, it’s worth his while to dick about. If he gets to share a bed with mummy’s cold shoulder… not so much.

wish you all the best with it! It won’t last forever.

Thanks @prisscalledwanda

I'm not sure because everything I read says don't go and sleep in their room or bring them into your bed whatever you do, otherwise they'll never go back to self settling. I don't know if that's true though of course.

On a simple level we simply don't have the space - my son's room is just a box room.

Does anyone know how long this phase lasts?

Sleep 'regressions' 🙄

This is just another label for kids that wake up in the night.

At 2 1/2 years old, have you never tried Sleep training? Honestly, a couple of nights of blood, sweat and tears and you'll all feel better.

Do you know what @MrsJBaptiste fucking bore off.

We did sleep training when he was newborn, and he's been a great sleeper since 4months old.

Yes sleep regression is real.

What fucking qualifies you to say it isn't real may I ask?

Arguably the least supportive response I've seen on Mumsnet. Nice eye roll too.

Thanks "sister".

Sister?

We don't have to agree because we're women! 😄

@MrsJBaptiste I guess you missed the part in my OP (the whole thing) which stated I was looking for support.

You can offer a different view to other posters by all means, but you chose to do it unkindly, with added eye rolls and a "have you never".

I don't have time or energy for your rubbish.

What sleep training did you do with him when he was a newborn?

I'm not sure because everything I read says don't go and sleep in their room or bring them into your bed whatever you do, otherwise they'll never go back to self settling. I don't know if that's true though of course.

I don't think it's true, to be honest. I've always taken the laziest route available, so if she's waking up at 1am for a cuddle, I just shove her in bed with me. After a week or two, she's always gone back to sleeping through again.

On the bed time 'one more thing' situation, you need to stand your ground. He doesn't need water or his nose wiped. I give one last drink then say there's no more water today, she can have it when she wakes up. Bedtime is scary for toddlers, they need you to be in control.

Just wondering if he still naps or are they gone?

@USaYwHatNow when he was 4 months we started bedtime routine and did the pick up put down method. We returned to this during the 10 month sleep regression which lasted 6 weeks and was was when he started moving.

@Duttercup we did try having him in our bed a while ago a couple of times but it's just not right for him. I know it works for some children but it's not suited to him. My son is a livewire and he found the whole aspect of being in our room exciting and just chatted, sang and played for hours so no-one slept. He needs the consistency of his own bed.

@Whereland he still naps. I've thought about this but it's clear he's not ready to drop the nap yet as he's falling asleep by lunchtime. He goes down easily then. I try to keep the nap shortish so it doesn't impact on bedtime and as I said in my OP we also pushed bedtime later by an hour.

Can you share details of his nap time/length and bedtime? Might be able to give some suggestions around these

When / How long is he napping? And when are you starting bedtime?

I have two children that never went through any of the 'sleep regressions'. So I actually agree with @MrsJBaptiste.

At 2YO, they're old enough to 'get it' and it sounds like he's doing this for attention.

Look at your day before messing about with nights. Does DC have any naps? Ditch those. Does he get much one to one time with you in the day? Make sure he has as much undivided attention as physically possible. Also wear him out physically as much as possible. My DC still need to get out and be active A LOT. When they were younger, we would go out everyday. It's not easy when they're at nursery etc (I worked evenings when mine were younger so we could get out everyday) but even something like a walk in the evening before bed can help tire them out.

It's tough, it really is. Do you think he could be overtired?

@Scrambledeggsontoasted with all due respect just because you were fortunate enough that your DC slept beautifully does not mean sleep regressions aren't real. You only need to look it up- there is loads of research that they occur around the time of developmental leaps. My sons language is really developing and he's grown a lot recently so it makes sense. It's not about what the previous poster said - "why don't you just sleep train". We already did sleep train and he's been great at sleeping and getting himself off up sleep at night before now.

You are correct he gets it, and is doing it to keep me in the room. There's an element of separation anxiety to it.

He is very active. He does nursery part time, and on the days he's not there we do an activity in the morning and the afternoon eg swimming, soft play, walk in the park, playground, farm etc.

I do think your idea of an early evening walk in the dark could be good though, thank you. That period between his tea and bath time really drags. It would be a good way to use up his last bit of energy.

@Whereland and others who asked. Yes happy to share timings. At present they are as follows:

• Wake up 7am

• Lunchtime nap 12.20-2 approximately (sometimes more like 12.50-2)

Recently as he's had night wakings he's then been more tired the next day and has napped till 2.30. I won't let it go past 2.30 if possible though.

• bath 7.15 - 7.35
• pyjamas, bedtime story, cuddles etc
• into bed 7.45

i have played about with moving this back by 15 minutes so bed is at 8

Last night he finally fell asleep at 9.
He then woke again at 1.30-2 (not too bad last night).

Re boundaries at bedtime. I have tried to be consistent, so before we read a story I'll say "we are going to read this one story and then it's into bed".
Then in bed he likes me to sing a song and again I'll say "I'll sing one song and then I'm going to go and get into my pyjamas and I'll check on you afterwards".

If I then leave the room and he starts screaming / crying how can I stick to the boundary? I feel like I can't just leave him crying like that so I have to go in. If I go back in I shush him and try not to talk but he will start asking for water, to wipe his eyes and nose etc.

Then I repeat I'm going to do x and I'll come back and check on you, but straight after I leave the room he's screaming and crying again.

So how do you keep those boundaries without leaving him to cry by himself?

Hey,

We are having a bit of this too with our daughter who is 2 + 10 months.
The days she doesn't nap or has a very short nap (30 mins), it is far better. You might want to keep the nap but it would be with experimenting with - try 45 mins - 1 hour for a couple of days and see what bedtime looks like. I honestly think it will help.

It's shit but it does seem like it's normal. I'm trying to solve it before DS arrives in the new year. Good luck

I'd definitely be shortening the nap. Heartbreaking as it is to lose our break during the day 😬 I'd cut 15 mins off to start and see how you go at bedtime, aiming to have him asleep by 7.30 rather than 7.45/8.