Is it normal to struggle with normal life so much?

[SixteenTwelve]

Both my fiancé and I seem to need a lot of time to recover from seemingly normal life experiences. When we have a busy weekend, we feel totally wiped out on Monday. If we do too much in the week, we feel like we need a weekend to recover and spend it largely in bed, possibly wander into down for a coffee and maybe watch a series in the evening. The things we do in the week aren’t a lot either. We go to the gym 2-3 times, maybe have a friend over for a coffee when WFH, or occasionally see friends in the evening.

I struggle with sleep sometimes and after two bad nights I am spending my last day of Annual Leave watching things on my iPad and intermittently dosing. We have a busy weekend coming up (out Friday night and hosting friends Saturday) and already know Monday I am going to feel totally wiped out for work. I have booked Friday afternoon off as Annual Leave to rest in case I have a rough night sleep wise on Thursday.

Is it normal to need so much recovery time from normal life? Do other people just kind of feel a low level rough a large portion of the time? It’s both of us so I’m not sure if we enable each other or if this is something that everyone experiences? We regularly book in empty weekends now just to stop us from feeling overwhelmed and we don’t even have kids yet. I’m not sure how we would manage it at all!

I think part of it might be habit or expectation. It's not really normal to get so wiped out.
Once I had kids I realised how much I can do with little rest and I've just got on with it since then really.
Try and change your mindset and see how you get on.
Mind you, I'd love a weekend in bed! Maybe enjoy it while you can!

I'm the same OP, just shattered all the live long day. I also struggle to get quality sleep.

I work full time (mainly from home) and am in my karate dojo 5 hours a week teaching and training but I have to force myself to go as frankly I'm so tired I just want to veg.

Early nights dont work as I still wont fall asleep and lie in's never happen as I seem to be programmed to wake at the same time every day no matter how little sleep I've had.

I wish I knew the answer, I would say that too much sleep is as bad as not enough. I read once that you should keep the same bedtime hours every day, but my body does that automatically and I'm still shattered.

I actually found life easier when I had kids and less sleep as I HAD to be on the go all the time, whereas now my kids are older and can fend for themselves I find I struggle with the energy more to do the life tasks.

It is normal, op. I've often felt like that in my life, then I learned to pace myself. You will too.

Thank you. Maybe some people just find life harder than others 😕

The way you describe sleep is exactly what happens to me. I find it so hard to lie in even if I really need it. Falling asleep is okay for me but sometimes I am awake in the middle of the night for hours

I wake a lot in the night, sometimes I go straight back off (after getting up to pee) and other times I am awake for hours or indeed never fall back to sleep.

Interestingly DH was always an amazing sleeper, probably as he trained himself to sleep due to working a variety of shifts in the police. But now, he really struggles. Usually falls asleep no problem but wakes after a couple of hours or so and then cant sleep again. I told him it's his age 😄

To be honest this doesn't sound weird to me, I've always been the same. I'm 32, don't have kids, and I require a lot of downtime to cope with life. I put this down to three things- I have a mental illness, I work in a very active/busy job (with children) and I'm an introvert.

I think introversion plays a big role. If I have a full weekend of socialising, it just drains me mentally. I'm left feeling overwhelmed and like I need another 2 days alone to decompress. I like my evenings at home after work, I don't cope well with too much 'busyness' crammed in. I think that's just my personality. I also don't cope well with poor sleep, however I think that's more to do with my mental illness - lack of sleep makes it worse.

I think some people just need a quieter life than others. I've been like this since I was a teenager. I've accepted it's just how I am. I'm not a go go go type person, and that's okay. If you need to take it easier in life, then do! There's no contest.

I see someone else has also mentioned it, but maybe worth getting a carbon monoxide alarm if you haven't got one.

Thank you that’s kind. I’m a complete baby when I haven’t had enough sleep

It’s a really good point but we have one in the kitchen and one in the room with the boiler so I don’t think it’s that unfortunately as that would be a quick fix

I would suggest a really good multivitamin and shed loads of vitamin d. Not the amount that the UK recommends but the amount the French recommend (1000 à 1200 UI/day)

1 x 100 000 UI every 2 to 3 months between November & April;
or 1 x 50 000 UI every 1-2 months.

Probably not as much as we should be to be fair!

Fresh air - vitamin d? I'd ask Gp for a check up

Doesn’t really sound normal, I have a mobility disability and this is my life you describe.

Aside from the gym 🤣

I agree with the others posters about getting a blood test.

I would think that is normal for an introvert. Do you worry a lot about work? Put your heart and soul into it?

When I was younger and in stressful jobs, I would be like this. Feeling anxious and worrying about things can sap your energy. You will find a way so don't worry about having a dc and being wiped out.

For me, I kept working after having 2 dcs but reduced deep cleaning massively, stopped socialising unless it would be rude to refuse e.g. weddings. As I have got older, I kept my friendship group small, and meet one or two friends from time to time.

I kept up exercise and fesh air. I try to walk outside winter and summer even if misting rain, eat no prepacked meals, take a good multivitamin and b vitamins if anxious.

OP is it possible you are experiencing some sort of fatigue?

I have experienced this twice, once with depression and another time when I was experiencing long covid symptoms. Sometimes fatigue can be a sign something is medical going on with you.

You probs don't actually need as much time as you think (and I say this as somebody who does believe you sometimes need unwinding time).

I got back from holiday three hours before my workday started the other week, and also lost two hours due to timezone difference (meaning I'd actually been up longer than clock said).

I spent the following two weekends helping out my friend who recently lost her husband and had planned to have this weekend to chill before I spend next weekend staying with another friend. However, something else has come up for this weekend so it's gonna get to a month without me even having been able to properly have a weekend to reset and get back in the groove after my holiday - sort out garden etc.

On top of that I need to do seven days training in my own time for a work accreditation which expires at start of January and which I won't be able to work without. So also going to be 5-6 weekends taken up training in next couple months. I also train 3x a week in the gym.

A few years back I'd have been stressed out but I've realised as long as I get enough sleep and have the odd day off I can weather several busy months as long as its not permanent. Strength training helps a lot and has hugely increased my energy.

I agree about being peopled out. I used to work 9-5 and now usually work ten hours but not infrequently 12 if there are problems with the plant.

12 hours is a bit gruelling but ten hours in current job feels easier than eight in an office. I deal with a lot of people but not usually customers and don't have to do all the faux politeness and performance you do in office jobs, which I found tiring - I can call up one of the guys and say 'they're taking the piss, tell them to get it sorted now' etc. No kissing executive's arses.

That said, an eight hour day feels really short to me now.

I think you get used to doing less.

A few years ago I used to leave the house at 7.30am everyday, then after that I left at 8.30 but I would go for a run or the gym/yoga, other days I would go for a run at lunch time or do a random class after work, or go to see friends. All of this 5 days a week whilst having an hour commute each way.

Now I WFH I struggled to get up by 9am, often I would get up at just in time for my daily meeting and have the camera off because I was in my PJs. I've had to make a proper effort to be up at 8, eaten, showered and dressed by 9.

For several years my friends had a weekly board game meet up, when we all commuted for work we managed every week. Now quite often we can't be bothered. Going to the office 2 days in a row leave me shattered.

All we can do is commit to doing a bit more each week and rebuilding our stamina.

I don't think it's necessarily that abnormal. If you're feeling physically kaput in so far as you can't even stand up to get ready for bed after a normal day of work that would be one thing but much like you I need a lot of 'down' time. Time to recharge, personal space to feel 'normal'. I think you adapt to the life that you have, in other words when you have kids you no longer really have time to 'recharge' and all that - you sort of just get on with it but given the life you have I can't see why you shouldn't book a weekend off to potter about and just be in your space. My friends' have young children so their evenings are invariably between sorting dinner, sorting uniforms and someone's history project and getting bath and bed time done. My evenings look nothing like that because they don't have to be.

Thank you that’s an interesting perspective.

We definitely aren’t so knackered that we can’t do basic tasks, we just get overwhelmed/exhausted very easily if too much extra is crammed into a week/weekend

Unless it affects what you need to do/health impact/socialising then I wouldn’t worry.

Do you drink enough water? Being under hydrated can make you feel tired

Hmmm... to be wiped out by normal working hours then to be wiped out after a normal weekend... no. It's not normal.