Advice needed please - problems with nursery.

[MOIEMA]

Hi guys, please desperately need advice on the way forward. I kept my baby in nursery at 5months as I needed to return back to work as a single mother having not earned an income in 7.5months. My baby was sleeping through the night at 8 weeks but all this stopped once she started nursery.
But my main concern was that she just wasn't sleeping during the day while at nursery, she would sleep for 20min 2/3times instead of 1.5hrs (2 times) at home. During the weekends she would sleep for hours during the day and all night. She was at nursery 4 days a week.
One morning I dropped her off and a little girl told me that the baby is always crying, but I asked staff how she was and this wasn't mentioned to me.

I decided at week 3 that she needs to be at home and told nursery I would be withdrawing her immediately as babies grow when they sleep and mine isn't getting enough sleep. I was told I would need to pay the 6 weeks notice period whether I bring her there or not. There was no concern made at all towards her well-being. I know I made a mistake taken her there at such a young age now I don't know what to do. Any suggestions please.

No wonder the cost of childcare is always rising, parents end up paying a premium to Nursery’s to cover the losses when people shaft them.

You have to pay the notice period.

Also be careful re benefits of you claim them as you might not be entitled to some for a period of time as you've left work voluntarily (that's how it used to be, not sure now, so as I said you would be well advised to check).

We have to give one months notice, it might even be two. Would need to check

It will be in your T&C's

You need to pay. A nursery is not a home environment, there will be a number of babies and the ratio of staff is higher than 1:1. It is normal for children to have a different routine at nursery to home. A child miner may be a better fit and probably cheaper.

Did you sign a contract? If yes you entered a legal agreement to pay a notice period which gives the nursery time to replace your child so they do not lose earnings. You are entitled to send your child during this period. If you choose not to pay the nursery has two choices - drop it and you don't pay or take you to court in which case you would pay the fee, interest on the fee and quite likely court costs. They will have insurance to cover legal costs too.

Pay your notice period but take her out now if you don't want her in.

You don't have a choice OP. You need to pay for the notice period. If you need to work for the 6 weeks to pay the fees you'll need to have her in the nursery. Have you spoken to the staff about your concerns? Also 3 weeks isn't very long to let her settle. DS went to nursery at 9 months and initially he was quite unsettled but a couple of months in he was used to the routine and was fine. Been there 2 years now and loves it.

If you're expecting free (reliable) legal advice on mumsnet, good luck to you. You'll get advice alright, but I wouldn't expect Rumpole of the Bailey. Please focus indeed.

If your contract states 6 weeks notice, then it's 6 weeks notice. Unless you're expecting some unpaid legal eagle to find some loophole you can exploit.

If you don't pay, they'll refer it to a debt collection agency and you'll just end up with their costs on top. If you can't pay straightaway, talk to the nursery and see if they can work something out with you.

It does seem like a knee jerk reaction though. One day you're ok taking her, the next her development depends on you taking her out. If there was a specific incident or something I could understand more, but it is just a little girl telling you your daughter cries. All babies do. It doesn't necessarily mean she cries all day though. I would talk to the staff rather than just take her at her word.

You need to focus on the T&C's in the nursery contract. Obviously.

I work in a large nursery and we have an 6 week notice period, which we do enforce. There have been many times people have tried to get out of paying but it’s in the T & C’s so absolutely legal. The directors have taken people to court over unpaid fees and they’ve won every time. I suggest you pay the 6 weeks. You can either keep your dd at home or send her in the for the 6 weeks and see if things improve. Removing her after 3 weeks wasn’t the best decision as babies take longer to settle. She needs more time to get used to the routine. If you really feel it’s not best for her, pay the 6 weeks, don’t send her in and find a childminder.

Yes, you owe the money. Why not carry on sending her amd keep your job and look for alternative Childcare like a childminders where maybe she'd nap for linger in a more homely environment.

@MOIEMA

Bless you this is so stressful

I'd recommend a childminder rather than a nursery, much more home from home and calmer as less noise. I took my own bedding and my kids both had their own things there and CM was and still is (now she does wraparound care!) extended family.

Which part of the country are you in?

They don't just grow when they're asleep. I think you might be the one who needs to focus

If you withdraw her you will need to pay the notice.

Take a step back though. It's only been three weeks. It's normal for babies to take a while to settle, and for them to find their groove with sleeping and eating at nursery. It's also very normal for them to have different routines and to nap less at nursery - too much going on, both of mine went through phases of very short naps because they wanted to get back to playing.

I think you need to adjust your expectations a little, both for babies and nursery. As a single parent I suspect it will be better for your baby to have the security of your income - the current government is not exactly compassionate to those surviving on benefits and low income.

I know you want contractual advice, regarding a contract we haven't seen, but all I'll say is that 5 months is a perfectly reasonable age at which to start nursery. As others have said, you need to look at the bigger picture here. Your child will likely be better off overall if you continue working rather than if you spend her early years on benefits worrying about money. You sound like you've made an unwise decision pulling her from nursery and resigning from your job. Is it too late to reverse it?

My child went to nursery from 6 months and was absolutely fine. As others have said, until recently it was normal. The current trend for a long maternity leave is a very new thing.

If she has only my been there 3 weeks it will take a while for her to settle and feel confident in her surroundings to sleep and develop a attachment to staff.

You’re naturally anxious about leaving your baby, and this is clouding your judgement somewhat.
Babies’ sleep patterns change all the time. Most babies don’t sleep through the night until they’re almost 1, and their daytime napping routine also changes.
Whoever this child was that told you your baby was crying is odd. My grandchildren go to nursery. Neither of them have any idea who’s in the other rooms, because they don’t generally mix. There’s no way this child knows when your baby cries or sleeps.
If you make yourself purposely unemployed, which is what you’re implying, this will have an impact on any benefits you wish to claim in the short term. So you’ll still have to pay 6 weeks of nursery fees as per their contract - which will no doubt be watertight - you will also have no income on which to live.

You need to think very carefully about the future and your finances. By all means, look for alternative childcare provision, but speak to the nursery staff first, try to find out what the issue is, and if you still are not happy, use the 6 week’s notice to look for an alternative. Being unemployed and broke is a miserable way to live.

Wow thanks so much to the few people who gladly offered me kind advice.
The state of the economy has really made a lot of here on here frustrated which is so obvious with their responses.
Following the advice I have received from some and others outside mumsnet, I will discuss with the nursery and come to a compromise that works for us all without burning bridges as nobody knows tomorrow eg reducing the days over the next 6 weeks.
For those who asked, I am self-employed.
Hopefully none of you would ever be in a situation when all you needed was kind advice due to a sleepless night as unfortunately I cant just ask my husband because he passed over while I was in my first trimester.
Love and Light to you all.
Peace

Oh right.

And who is shafting who?

Yes focus on the issue at hand and not why my baby was sleeping all night at 8 weeks old. Thanks and God bless you.

Definitely speak to staff it will take time for you both to re-adjust. But at the end of the day you have to do what's best for you and your baby. The notice period is just unfortunate but the nursery will have to staff to pay and have a space to fill. Good luck!

Name calling are we, clap for yourself.
Suck a role model you are to your kids.
That's if you have any.
They will be so proud.
Love and Light.

MingoDringo you need to focus on keeping quiet if you don't have anything nice to say.

Thank you so much, it has been an absolute rollercoaster and I must admit I am one of those overprotective mums, but its just the two of us that's why.
I stupidity kept her in nursery for 4 full days now I know it was a mistake.
I paid everything that they asked, the baby room has only 4 babies even though they have capacity for 9, obviously this should have been a red flag when others in the area where full till next year.
Hopefully we will come to a resolution but I want at home now.