Should I confront the nursery workers?

[Corestrengthworries]

So my baby was born 7 weeks early due to severe preeclampsia and IUGR. She was 3lb 5oz. She was in the NICU for only 20 days due to doing so well, out before she was even 4lbs.

She started nursery when she was 10 month actual age (8mo-ish corrected).

Nursery keep mentioning about her core strength. That they’re trying to build her muscles in her legs up as she only wants to sit, doesn’t walk etc. They keep asking if she’s had her year check up from the health visitor and I’m starting to worry that they think she’s delayed or that I’m not helping her develop properly.

They’re correct in that she isn’t walking independently but she does walk holding onto your fingers, she holds onto furniture and is quite steady. She can’t pull herself up on furniture yet but can do it on people, like she’ll climb up our bodies like a little monkey. She doesn’t want to sit when she’s at home, she cries until you walk about with her. She isn’t crawling but is bum shuffling (steadily and extremely rapidly when she wants to), I was also a bum shuffler. I didn’t crawl at all and was walking at 9 months but I was born at 43ish weeks back in the 80’s and was chunky as anything.

As far as I’m concerned, she’s actually hit most of her milestones early or on track for actual age instead of corrected. I was told very premature babies are often really late to do most things. She has 5 or 6 words in her vocabulary, babbles appropriately, waves, camps hands and mimics actions and stuff really well.

Should I be worried here? I’ve had a bit of health anxiety since she was born as I was so ill and she was so tiny so the nursery repeatedly saying things about her lack of strength (which I don’t agree with) is weighing on my mind.

Why confront? Just discuss!

Children can often be quite different at nursery to home. They can only go by what they’re seeing and will be comparing to lots of other children so there is something that is flagging for them.

There are plenty of children who are not walking at just turned 1 but they might be more worried if she’s showing no signs there of trying to pull up etc. One of mine was walking confidently at 11m and was an outlier among peer group. The other was not walking until 14m. The latter was much easier to deal with.

Your nursery sounds ridiculous and I'd be concerned they don't seem to know much about child development. I'd change nurseries. If they're presenting unrealistic expectations now/trying to needlessly worry you, imagine what they'll be like when she's older!

I have a mad nursery like that. They used to phone me up at work to say my 2 year old's behavior was unacceptable because she'd danced in the toilet and hadn't stopped dancing after they gave her 3 warnings. They didn't tolerate toddlers pushing boundaries and expected them to behave like 5 year olds. It was very strange.

It is important that nursery staff listen to parents. They should be respecting that you know your baby best, taking on board the information that you provide and, especially in a babies room, being consistent with your baby’s routine.

Well that has been my experience in every nursery that I have worked in.

@Corestrengthworries Trust your instincts. If you are not comfortable with this nursery then start looking at alternatives.

I think perhaps you need to go back to a childminder. Nursery is a much more formal
setting and it doesn’t sound like it is for you. I agree with others though you sound quite defensive, even if the nursery is wrong you sound like you are framing if as a you against them issue. When it comes to your child I’ve found collaboration works much better.

This. Don't confront them just talk to them.

My premmie is 5yo and took a bit longer to do most things looking back. All to be expected. They get there in their own time. Others can be on target, or even ahead of milestones.
Please don't worry.

If you don't like the nursery then don't send her there. She doesn't need to go at her age and it sounds like you prefer the childminder.

I wouldn’t “confront” nursery workers who are just updating you on what they’ve been doing with your child to help them develop, no. Would you prefer them to just silently hand her over?

How absurd. My son crawled properly at 11 months and started walking unaided at 14 months. Born full term (37+2) and no health issues and no one has ever been concerned. Our Paediatrician even said no reason to worry about your child not walking until AT LEAST 17 months.

It’s great they are trying to do tummy time with her, good core strength is so important and tummy time really helps.

It’s also really good they recognised she needed a bit longer to settle in.

They obviously see a lot of children and something is flagging with your DD. It could turn out to be absolutely nothing or could be something in which case recognising it early can only help.

It could be that she’s overwhelmed/tired at nursery after the morning in the childminders. Or she finds doing both too much for her. Could you try nursery in the morning then childminder afternoon? Or just stick to childminder for now and she might be more ready for nursery when she’s a but older.

You have ABSOLUTELY no reason at this stage to be worried about her development. My baby was under 6 pounds and didn't walk until she was 18 months old. She crawled later too.
Please don't worry, they're all different and the nursery need to stop stressing and making you feel anxious about it. She'll do it when she's ready, they're babies not robots!

I used to be a teacher- if nursery is anything like school, we have to give children a target for further development and share it with the parents. So I don't think there's anything wrong with them raising it, but it sounds like the way they're raising it is a bit much. Especially if you've already told them you've discussed her development with the HV and no issues, I can't understand why they keep raising it so often. It seems overzealous.

The observation I understand more because they can only record what the child in front of them does, and children can behave quite differently between school and home (or nursery and home in your case.) I wonder if perhaps she is not demonstrating some of the stuff she does every day at home while she's at nursery? Could it be that she's much more active at home/childminder than she is at nursery? That could give an impression that she's less advanced than she actually is.

That's just speculation from me though, could you film her moving around at home and show the nursery? I don't mean in a 'look, you're wrong!' way but just to say this is what we're seeing at home, is this what you're seeing here?

OP don't listen to them at this point.

My child was 2 weeks late, never crawled, would never put weight in his feet (therefore wouldn't cruise, or stand while he held your hands) and did not walk unaided until he was 18 months (his father and I were also 18 months!).

She sounds perfectly reasonable to me. (Im a health visitor is that makes any difference)

Oh and the late child I just gave an example of is 11 and hits all milestones 😁

My full term DH only sat until 1yo. Not even crawling 🤷🏻‍♀️

Thank you so much for your reply. It makes a lot of sense.

She’s only in nursery from 1-4, the childminder drops her off at 1 (she’s had her since 8.30am) by which time she’s almost always ready for a nap. She’ll nap for between 45 minutes to an hour so they’re really only able to observe her for 2 hours a day. My mum picked her up the other day and when she saw her she scooted right across the bigger room really fast and the workers were saying they hadn’t seen her like that or doing anything like that, they seemed really surprised. Although this was workers from another room (who are often left with her when the baby room staff bugger off early).

To those saying could I move her or change her hours, no I can’t. I was only offered a certain amount of hours and I wasn’t able to negotiate. It’s a council run nursery and I only got the place because I had really bad PND and my health visitor helped me with the placement. She also heard about the childminder and hooked me up with her, the childminder coincidentally had the opposite hours available which covered the full day which I needed as I am back at university full time and on placement.

So picked baby up today and again they mentioned tummy time again and how much she hates it. They’re doing it to strengthen her core so she can stand.

I again told them yes, she doesn’t like it as she’s been rolling since she was 5 months. I feel like she started rolling early so she didn’t need to stay on her belly. I also told them she can stand. She stands with minimal support and has stood independently for a couple of seconds a few times now but just doesn’t have the confidence to take the next step yet.

What more can I do?

Just smile and ignore it. Don't let it worry you as you know she's fine.

It wouldn’t bother me

My daughter was nearly 8lbs, born at 41 weeks. She didn't walk until 17 months.

My 33 weeker didn't walk until late. About 14 months I think.
She's now nearly 10 and very sporty.

I think their report on what they're doing with your DD, which is all perfectly fine is tapping into your mum worries. honestly, take comfort they care. My DS was an early talker but his key worker was surprised when she heard him chat to me at pick up cos basically she hadn't been paying him any attention. I did report that then he got a lovely one...

No need to be confrontational about it. Just remind them she was a preemie and she's hitting milestones. My DD also IUGR and didn't walk til 20 months. Just don't take it all to heart

@Corestrengthworries Have you had a meeting with the Coordinator/Director of the childcare centre to discuss your concerns?

If you haven’t then organise a meeting and write down your key concerns. Explain that their concerns about your baby’s development are not consistent with the doctors and health visitor and why this is an issue for you.