Should I confront the nursery workers?

[Corestrengthworries]

So my baby was born 7 weeks early due to severe preeclampsia and IUGR. She was 3lb 5oz. She was in the NICU for only 20 days due to doing so well, out before she was even 4lbs.

She started nursery when she was 10 month actual age (8mo-ish corrected).

Nursery keep mentioning about her core strength. That they’re trying to build her muscles in her legs up as she only wants to sit, doesn’t walk etc. They keep asking if she’s had her year check up from the health visitor and I’m starting to worry that they think she’s delayed or that I’m not helping her develop properly.

They’re correct in that she isn’t walking independently but she does walk holding onto your fingers, she holds onto furniture and is quite steady. She can’t pull herself up on furniture yet but can do it on people, like she’ll climb up our bodies like a little monkey. She doesn’t want to sit when she’s at home, she cries until you walk about with her. She isn’t crawling but is bum shuffling (steadily and extremely rapidly when she wants to), I was also a bum shuffler. I didn’t crawl at all and was walking at 9 months but I was born at 43ish weeks back in the 80’s and was chunky as anything.

As far as I’m concerned, she’s actually hit most of her milestones early or on track for actual age instead of corrected. I was told very premature babies are often really late to do most things. She has 5 or 6 words in her vocabulary, babbles appropriately, waves, camps hands and mimics actions and stuff really well.

Should I be worried here? I’ve had a bit of health anxiety since she was born as I was so ill and she was so tiny so the nursery repeatedly saying things about her lack of strength (which I don’t agree with) is weighing on my mind.

Nursery staff are obliged to identify and support her next steps. That's what they're doing and they're sharing it with you (which they're also obliged to do under the EYFS framework). They're not judging and they don't need to be confronted 🙄 They're literally just doing their job.

She said dada clear as day at 9ish months and has literally not shut up since! She literally babbles since she opens her eyes in the morning till she falls asleep at night. She even babbles/talks away as a way of soothing herself to sleep.

This thread has helped calm my worries somewhat. If it’s just tick box checking then fair enough but I can’t be arsed with them mentioning something every time I pick her up. Her keyworker is only qualified a couple of years and admitted to me she hasn’t dealt with such a small baby before so not sure if that’s what’s happening. Though the other worker in the baby room has said to me as well 🤷🏽‍♀️

I don't think it's a massive cause for concern not to be walking at 11 or 12 months.

My daughter who was an early talker didn't take her first assisted steps until 15 months and unassisted at 16 months. The nursery however did give us some advice which is usually seen as a huge no-no on here but we tried it and she walked the very next day. I'd listen if they have concrete advice but wouldn't consider not walking yet as a huge delay.

Is it literally every pick up?

Average age for walking is between 10 and 18 months according to google, and I had two (also early birds!) who walked at 14 months and one at ten.

They're being silly.

Check with your HV about check ups though as it's my understanding once the child reaches one they stop correcting the age so your check should be at actual age one not corrected age one.

I think you are being a bit defensive and precious about this.

It sounds like they are trying to to their best to support your child.

Would you rather they weren't bothered

If they are doing it at every pick up I would make it clear in writing (email) that the child is within normal limits and there is no point going over it daily you disagree on points a,b,c that is not the experience you have of your child at home perhaps the child is less confident in their setting and that the health visitor will be coming out to do a check in the coming weeks

She sounds absolutely fine to me. All kids are different. 6 weeks prem here, now 18 months. Only started crawling a month or so ago and just starting to show signs of wanting to walk now. Health visitor not concerned as there is definite development (albeit slow at times). She said they give them until they're 2 to 'catch up'.
Sorry your nursery aren't very supportive OP. Sounds like you need to be clear with them that you're tracking her development with health professionals.

It’s only the nursery who are bothered though. I’m not( or I wasn’t) neither is my mum who raised 4, neither is her childminder. And the health visitor wasn’t when she seen her a few months ago.

I would say something or change nurseries, they don’t seem to have much knowledge of child development if they think she should be walking at just turned 1. My DS was born 2 weeks late, and has just turned 1. He crawls and pulls up but can’t stand independently or walk yet and has only 2 words. I really wouldn’t be worried.

I think this is an odd reaction to nursery helping your child to develop tbh

people can tell you that bum shuffling or missing out crawling altogether is no problem but actually it can be. Crawling is a key developmental milestone and does so much more than getting a baby moving from a to b before they learn to walk!

www.imaginepeds.com/why-is-baby-crawling-on-hands-knees-important-for-development/

Ok, maybe I exaggerated a bit with “every time I pick her up” but it’s at least every week since she’s been there.

She’s only in the afternoons as well so I don’t know what they’re expecting her to do in the space of 3 hours.

It's not a criticism you know, if they're saying they notice something about your child. It doesn't do any harm to say to your HV what nursery is concerned about.

My niece never crawled. Ever. She just went from butt to feet at 17 months. She talked very early. Her sister three years younger walked at 11 months but couldn't talk for ages. They are now 7 and 4 and both perfect. If you're cuddling her, feeding her and loving her the rest will come.

Mine took ages to crawl. (Born 37.5 weeks no issues or hospital stays etc) the tended to roll where they wanted to go. Did crawl at over one year old and then walked at 17 months. Honestly why do they think a 10 month old should be walking?!

This.

Of course you don't need to confront your Nursery.
It sounds like they are doing their job, and doing it well.
If you want to have a friendly chat to remind them about her being prem, and to let them know when your next check up with the HV or the Paediatrician or Neo natal consultant is, then do so, but there really is no need to 'confront' anyone.

Oh for fucks sake, confront was the wrong word.

I’ve already talked to them each time they’ve mentioned stuff and said that I don’t agree with it, she’s different at home etc.

She was signed off from the paediatrician when she was a few months old as they also had no concerns.

She’s had checks at GP, who had no concerns.

Childminder who has her for 4.5 hours 4 days a week also has no concerns.

Thanks to everyone who has put my mind at ease and not focused on the wrong things such as my wording of things.

The one year check has to be done before a baby turns 1 year…ltoherwise the nhs targets are missed ( this is regardless of prematurity)

I have a little bum shuffler and she has physio as her trunk is weak (maybe what they mean?). It does involve trying to do tummy time.

Not to say this is what's wrong with your little one, but I understand why they'd try and help, just in case.

Maybe it would help to look at it from the opposite perspective.
If you had concerns and the nursery hadn't picked up on it/worked with your little one on it. That would be more concerning/unsettling.

They have to work to a set framework, it's good that they're picking up and trying to work with your little one.
Please don't take it as a criticism of you or your child.
I would also say just because your child settles within baby groups/ family and a childminder doesn't mean they settle the same way into nursery. Just speaking from my experience. My little girl was so confident in groups& childminders and family when I switched to nursery she was like a different child for a little while. Absolutely loving it now. But just say thank you I've spoken to HV and gp and they are happy with her.

According to my mum I don't as 18 months when I walked, barely crawled or cruised around (still lazy) I would just remind them shes was premature

“Thank you for your concern but she is monitored by our health visitor and I have no concerns about her development at all and considering that she was born premature, she is doing just grand.”

Thats what I would say each time they commented unnecessarily.

My IUGR (but non prem / 38w) baby is 16m and still not independently walking, although she is cruising and can walk with assistance etc. So sounds much like your little one. We see our HV fairly regularly and she just said to keep letting her climb, move about, lots of floor time etc and if there's still no sign in a few months, then they might start to put things in motion. My DDs nursery is always asking for stuff like this, or letters about it from the GP - i just tell them that her neonatologist is happy with her progress and nothing further to be said. Our key worker said it's in case OFSTED come, so i think they are just concerned about potentially being able to evidence that they are on top of any potential issues.

My DS - now 17 - was just over 2 months early, preeclampsia. Precocious reader and talker, very much loved by the nursery and very happy there. However, I really wish they had highlighted is poor motor skills, low core strength. Years of physio and several ops, learned to touch type because of his hypermobile fingers. You may well not be in the position we were, but the nursery is a really good one if they are keeping an eye on core stability etc.

They sound like a good nursery. They are doing their observations, planning according to her needs, and sharing all of that with you.
Stop being defensive and have a calm
discussion with them about your child’s progress.