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Original poster

What do your 11 & 7yr olds do for themselves?

53 replies

Lostoldusername · 28/10/2022 20:57

I have 2 children just turned 11 and 7.

I sort their school bags, make their breakfast and take it to them, put their school clothes out and shoes/coats at the door. Do the eldest packed lunch and wash/fill water bottles.
I do this, well because it's what I've always done to be fair, but I'm wondering if I should be expecting the eldest to get his own breakfast etc?

OP posts:
JessesMum777888 · 28/10/2022 21:01

none of them do sod all !!

StillNotWarm · 28/10/2022 21:12

Mine are 11 and 13. Both at secondary.
I make lunch - because I'm making mine. I leave that, plus a water bottle, on the kitchen counter for him to pack.
I have nothing to do with bag packing, except for prompting about PE kits on the days written on the calender (3 days marked, but only 2 of them each week!).
They sort their own breakfast on a school day, while I'm making lunch. I usually make something a bit more special at the weekend - tho the 13 yr old will make porridge or scrambled eggs, and pancake batter which I cook for speed.

All clean clothes are left in a pile. It's up to them to put in the wardrobe, and get out each morning. They help, when asked, with periods g out wet washing, and sorting dry washing into piles.

Coats and shoes live in the cupboard. Collect your own.

They empty their own school bags and the 4 of us (me, DH, 2 kids) take it in turns to wash up after dinner.

ithoughtitmihtbenicetochat · 28/10/2022 21:13

I have an 8 and 4
I have a self serve breakfast box, which they help themselves to.
It has waffles, chocolate pancakes, nutrigrains, cereal bars, fruit pouches, apples, orange juice in cartons etc.
Their school clothes for the week go into a box, I get them out a fresh set each day and they get dressed themselves.
Brush their own teeth.

Chores wise, they put clothes away and get new clothes out, carry laundry down and put in the machine, help hang up laundry, they're meant to put coats and shoes away and get out again independently (this one usually involves them being reminded that the coats do not live in the middle of the hall), they're meant to empty their bags, out lunches by the sink, and school books on the table, occasionally they help make the packed lunches. They're quite good at dusting.

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40andfit · 28/10/2022 21:15

My 3 and 6 year old can managed coat and shoes! I only sort out the 6 yr old uniform because I don’t have time to wait around for the 3 year old to get her own out too.

Oblomov22 · 28/10/2022 21:33

Mine did all of that themselves at an earlier age. rarely they needed my help or assistance. Why are you doing it all?

sanityisamyth · 28/10/2022 21:36

DS8 sorts his own breakfast and school uniform. Alexa reminds him to pack a snack bar and drink, and to brush his teeth. He cycles himself a mile to school and back each day too.
At the stables he does everything. Mucks out, hays, makes feeds, tacks up, rugs, grooms etc.

FusionChefGeoff · 28/10/2022 21:47

10 (year 6) can make his own fried eggs on toast / porridge etc and DD7 can sort herself cereals and toast and we're working on the porridge.

They both sort bags when they come in and do own water bottles.

They load and unload dishwasher and put their own clothes away (badly - but it's a start)

I have always had them doing stuff as I didn't want a battle when they were older.

Start now OP before it's too late!!!

Mawface · 28/10/2022 21:54

I leave my 3 (DS10 & 7 DD1) clothes out. DS10 is up first and gets ready/makes breakfast/brushes his teeth etc himself while I make their lunches/bags up and get DD1 ready. Then DS7 wakes up and i have to get his breakfast (he can do if himself but chooses not to) brush his teeth & tie his laces (which is he can also do but again, chooses not to). Then I do style their hair. Then they either walk the 5 min walk to school themselves or come with DD to her nursery drop off.

Mawface · 28/10/2022 21:55

Also DS10 has been making his breakfast since he was about 6 but it was through choose.

BananaSpanner · 28/10/2022 21:58

sanityisamyth · 28/10/2022 21:36

DS8 sorts his own breakfast and school uniform. Alexa reminds him to pack a snack bar and drink, and to brush his teeth. He cycles himself a mile to school and back each day too.
At the stables he does everything. Mucks out, hays, makes feeds, tacks up, rugs, grooms etc.

Why is the school letting an 8 year old leave with no adult?
8 is too young to be cycling to and from school on their own.

trilbydoll · 28/10/2022 21:59

Dc are 9 and 7. 7yo can't reach the tap or a lot of the fridge so she's limited in what she can do. 9yo has just learned to make her own toast and spread butter on it. They can both get themselves cereal.

I sort their bags / water bottles but I would expect them to do it themselves once they start secondary school and they need different stuff everyday.

liveforsummer · 28/10/2022 22:01

DD's are 9 and 12 now. They have been getting their breakfasts for a long time now - from at least 7 possibly earlier. DD12 does everything you list herself. I have to leave before her in the morning so she gets herself reliably out the door and locks up having made her breakfast and packed lunch. Dd9 makes her own lunch too. She has done since having key worker space during covid - so since 7, where she refused the school cold lunches they provided. The compromise was she could take packed but had to make it. She gets her school clothes ready the night before, sorts her gym kit, swimming bag etc when needed. I definitely think both dc at their ages could be doing more

liveforsummer · 28/10/2022 22:05

Why is the school letting an 8 year old leave with no adult?

During covid our school was requesting all dc from age 7/8 to walk alone if they lived close enough to keep crowds down. It's absolutely normal to do so alone at 8. How could a school not let a child. How would they even know?

liveforsummer · 28/10/2022 22:06

Dc are 9 and 7. 7yo can't reach the tap or a lot of the fridge so she's limited in what she can do. 9yo has just learned to make her own toast and spread butter on it

We have a step for that 😆. Mine have been making their own toast since age 4 😬

NoodieRoodie · 28/10/2022 22:06

3 DC here 10 (yr6), 9 (yr4) and 7 (yr2). All get up, dressed, beds made and downstairs. Breakfast is an independent affair, if they can find it they can have it (I'm having coffee in the kitchen) and will be porridge, toast, cereal, yogurt, etc. Then eldest makes packed lunch for himself and the middle. All are responsible for emptying, cleaning and refilling water bottles every evening

EcoCustard · 28/10/2022 22:10

Eldest Dc is 7 and he gets his uniform ready the night before. Gets his shoes & coat on before leaving. Puts his lunchbox & drink in his bag, books, snack etc. (I do lunch) he has just started packing his PE kit ready for the week. He helps with breakfast, will put cereal in bowls, measures out porridge and gets it cooking, puts toast in. He is very helpful and helps his youngest sibling with his shoes, helps sister to get her bike out. Dd6 is very helpful too and independent.

Hedonism · 28/10/2022 22:13

12 & 8 here.

12yo finds his clothes, gets dressed, sorts his own breakfast, sometimes cereal.etc or sometimes beans on toast / pancakes at the weekend. He packs his school bag, but I make his lunch.

8y gets her clothes out, gets dressed, but I usually get her breakfast because if I didn't then she wouldn't bother to eat anything in the morning and make her packed lunch. She's more than capable of getting herself something to eat if she needs to though.

PollyEsther · 28/10/2022 22:20

I have an 11 and a 9 year old. Both sort their own breakfast usually, but I’ll help if they want something hot/cooked. They pack their own bags, but it mostly stays packed tbh so they just have to pop their lunch and drink in. I make their lunches because I enjoy it, but they do help a lot of the time and choose what they want etc.
I also lay uniform out, but that’s for my benefit more than theirs as we’re very busy in the mornings so need to be ready (I get my own clothes ready the night before too).

I also have two teenagers, and whilst I do make lunch for one, it’s only because I’m doing his siblings so I may as well do his too. DH and mine is done at the same time (eldest has school food). I don’t do anything else for the teens, they’re very self sufficient. In my experience, it naturally evolves, so I wouldn’t worry too much about creating tiny people who don’t know how to do anything. They learn and just get on with it once they hit secondary IME.

InvincibleInvisibility · 28/10/2022 22:39

11 year old has just started secondary school with up to 6 subjects a day. He packs his bag the night before. He makes his own breakfast and packs his snack and water bottle (that he has put in the fridge the night before). He is also responsible for making sure the chromebook he uses at school is charged.

In the morning we wake him and then he does everything without prompting: shower including face wash for spots and deodorant, breakfast, medication, toilet stop (he takes his watch but we do sometimes hurry him along), cleans teeth, gets dressed (clothes are always in the same drawers), puts shoes on and kisses us goodbye.

When he gets home he puts dirty clothes in the wash, gets himself a snack and sits down to do his homework.

All this is doubly impressive to me cos he has ADHD and dyspraxia and struggles with executive functions.

My 8 year old gets up and showers himself. We make his breakfast unless it's cereal (he is also dyspraxic but very messy so best not to let him near jars of jam/nutella...). He gets his water bottle from the fridge that he filled the night before and puts it in his bag. He fills his bag the night before when he has finished homework.

I put his clothes out but if I haven't he gets them from the wardrobe himself. I pack his lunch.

I don't ask them for regular chores, just occasional sweeping/mopping. They keep their rooms tidy and put all their dirty clothes in the wash.

Lemonademoney · 28/10/2022 22:42

11 year old puts his own washing away, makes his own breakfast, packs his own school bag, tidies his room, cleans, feeds and cares for his pet hamster. I do still make his lunch as I’m making it anyway for the little two. On a weekend though he will make his own lunch. He doesn’t iron. I would like him to get more comfortable with cooking.

Rowen32 · 28/10/2022 22:48

Omg, my toddler helps to get their own breakfast ready! That's madness!

mikado1 · 28/10/2022 22:48

10 and 7yo walk from school, empty lunch boxes, muck in with dishwasher, hanging clothes, bringing own clothes upstairs to put away but don't put them away. They help themselves to cereal, fruit and yoghurt but don't make their own porridge, no big reason why really. 10yo sorts own sports kit, showers himself, makes bed etc. He also goes to the local shop for me if needed, can work away in the library, returning, borrowing and reserving his own book etc. They could both probably be doing more but happy enough at this stage.

InvincibleInvisibility · 28/10/2022 23:38

Yy to 11 year old nipping to local shops for a forgotten ingredient. My 11 and 8 year olds also love cooking. They can make cakes and biscuits with no input from me. Both can peel and cut vegetables

listsandbudgets · 28/10/2022 23:49

DD is just turned 17 and is un 6th form dojng a levels. She does nearly everything for herself with the exception of most of her washing and changing her sheets. If she wants me to cook for her I do but she will just as often sort herself out. She spends a lot of time out with friends and basically organises her own schedule. She has a bus pass and an uber account and occasional lifts.

I also have DS 10 in year 6. He gets himself up and dressed and usually sorts out his own snack for break and chews his bag. Breakfast is 50 / 50. Cold he does himself but if its cooked its me or dd doing it. He still requires some support getting things sorted.

Both lose things and there is still the occasional last minute crisis but overall dd is almost self managing and ds is gradually improving

Original poster
Lostoldusername · 28/10/2022 23:50

OK so looks like they can be doing plenty more!
Someone asked why do I do it all?
I suppose I've just always done it, and nothing has changed as they've gotten older. Also, when I do ask them to do something it's usually met with a moan or a big mess so easier to do it myself (yes, I realise Rod for my own back and all that jazz)

OP posts: