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Original poster

Anyone else got a teenager they rarely see?

30 replies

antelopevalley · 26/10/2022 10:47

I have two, a 14 year old who is around the family a lot, but the 16 year old I barely see. Sometimes it feels like I only have 1 child living at home as we see so little of the eldest. Is this normal?

OP posts:
FayeGovan · 26/10/2022 10:50

No. And im guessing hes a boy?

Toomanysleepycats · 26/10/2022 10:51

Yes my Dd was like this while at college. They are either at college, out with friends or in their room.

I guess if the are going on to uni they need to begin that separation from parents.

It just means you have to work extra hard to maintain some communication so you can keep an eye on them ref their safety.

Car rides and lifts are the best time.

roonetta · 26/10/2022 10:52

Yes! I have two; one 16 year old DD and a 14 year old DS. They hardly come out of their rooms and when they do it's usually for food or because they want something. Normal, behaviour I think Grin

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14 year olds 16 year olds Families
BigSandyBalls2015 · 26/10/2022 10:52

I think that's prob better than a teen that never goes out and socialises, however there is a happy medium.

AnightwiththeTiger · 26/10/2022 10:53

I have 3 teen boys. They emerge for food and then retreat. They come out if they need lifts, passwords for stuff and cash.

QuietNeighbour · 26/10/2022 10:54

Yeah I miss him! 16 and mostly in his room or out with friends. We have meal times together but he eats at warp speed. I make him do homework in the living room and some reading time just before bed. Oddly though at bedtime he becomes really philosophical and chatty 🤔 We occasionally ‘make’ him sit and watch a film with us or drag him out for a long walk.

Original poster
antelopevalley · 26/10/2022 10:54

FayeGovan · 26/10/2022 10:50

No. And im guessing hes a boy?

He is. How did you know?

OP posts:
blahblahblah2000 · 26/10/2022 10:54

Yea my 15 year old only sleeps at home a few nights per week and sleeps at friends houses - I don’t think it’s normal at all but this teen has runaway a few times and has serious mental health issues. It’s really sad .

FayeGovan · 26/10/2022 10:56

Its always a boy. Girls seem to watch strictly and bake off with their parents and the boys disappear.

watcherintherye · 26/10/2022 10:56

I don’t think it’s necessarily not normal. Depends what they’re doing. Going round to friends’ houses/seeing gf or bf/playing a lot of sport. Some 16 year olds are proactive and independent, some less so. It’s all within the normal range unless you suspect anything nefarious (‘county lines’ activity etc.) Are they coping with school/college/apprenticeship ok?

watcherintherye · 26/10/2022 10:58

X post with your update, op. All sounds normal to me!

Original poster
antelopevalley · 26/10/2022 10:58

@blahblahblah2000 I am so sorry to hear that, it sounds a very hard situation.

We have a challenging home situation due to disability, I have posted about it before and I worry that my DS avoids home life as a result. But if it is normal teenage behaviour then that is reassuring.

OP posts:
gogohmm · 26/10/2022 10:58

My dd researched and got a scholarship for boarding school at 16, she knew what she wanted to do m, the best way to achieve it and is now fulfilling that dream

Original poster
antelopevalley · 26/10/2022 11:00

@watcherintherye I am not worried about County Lines or anything bad happening. I can't imagine a less likely candidate. DS is very gentle, sweet, and a bit different, but has found some good friends.

OP posts:
AlexandraPeppernose · 26/10/2022 11:00

My girl is 17 and she goes to college, goes to work and goes out with friends. She comes home to sleep only. 19 yr old on full time apprenticeship comes home and goes straight to his room on Xbox. Ones an extrovert ones an introvert

BillyBigBillicks · 26/10/2022 11:04

I have two boys around the same age
One is never in, one is never out (although in his room)

The one that is out though I always know where he is girlfriends

savehannah · 26/10/2022 11:05

Unfortunately yes. Dd 16 is like this. Dd14 and ds12 are still to be found around the house a lit more.

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 26/10/2022 11:07

It’s about that happy balance isn’t it? It’s right that parents stop being the centre of the child’s world during teenage years but it doesn’t make it easier. My DS will happily spend all day in his room, however he does have ASD which makes socialising tricky.
I have found however that if I’m tired or it’s bedtime he’s suddenly interested in telling me about all the statistics on Chelsea players or wants to run some business ideas past me 😁

Violashift · 26/10/2022 11:10

My daughter is the same I don't think it's unique to boys.

youcantry · 26/10/2022 11:13

Yes. My 17 year old DS is either out with friends or in his room gaming with them! He does come down for dinner though (if he's home). His best friend has a huge house with a cinema room and his parents are often out so my son and their friends practically live there!
I saw more of my daughter when she was a teen because her and her friends took over my living room during school holidays.

ancientgran · 26/10/2022 11:15

antelopevalley · 26/10/2022 10:58

@blahblahblah2000 I am so sorry to hear that, it sounds a very hard situation.

We have a challenging home situation due to disability, I have posted about it before and I worry that my DS avoids home life as a result. But if it is normal teenage behaviour then that is reassuring.

I've got three sons, much older. All went through this phase, I get lots of phone calls and visits now. I think it is just something they tend to go through and come out the other end. It is probably a way of starting to be independent of us and then when they are fully developed they can come back.

Kissingfrogs25 · 26/10/2022 11:40

My dd is the same. I miss her! I want to see her, but she is busy having fun and I am so happy for her - for all of them. After everything that has happened they need some fun in life!!!!!

I schedule in time together, would that work for you? I might ask her when she is free and we make plans to go out, lunch, spa, dinner, tennis. Whatever your son needs/likes to do try and find something to do together every once and a while, to keep the connection between you solid. It needs to be on their terms though.

spiderlight · 26/10/2022 11:42

Mine is 15 and is always in his room or out with friends/girlfriend, only appearing to be fed. I try to find things he will actually do with me though. I have forced myself to become vaguely interested in Formula 1, so we watch that together. He's getting into aviation and motorsport photography, whereas I enjoy photography in general. I can't tell one end of a plane from the other, but we go plane-spotting with our cameras together.

RiaOverTheRainbow · 26/10/2022 11:51

Would he agree to a scheduled family activity, between once a week and once a month? Cooking together, watching a film, hiking, paintball, or take turns to pick. He'd still have plenty of independence, but not be such a stranger.

TheMoth · 26/10/2022 12:29

I was this teenager. I couldn't bear my middle aged, embarrassing, boring parents. I was either listening to loud angry music on my room, or out. Soon as I got a boyfriend at 16, I pretty much only came home for a change of clothes or to do homework.

Ds isn't as sociable as I was, but I still don't see him. He lives in his room, because I am boring, embarrassing and middle aged.