Daughter doesn’t want any new clothes

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What do you think is happening here?

DD

My dd was really overwhelmed by clothing at this age. It was exacerbated by the fact that she is very petite so she had curves that meant girls clothes didn’t fit but women’s clothing was too big. It took us some time to find her style and I felt like I was going to go crazy when she would state she had nothing to wear. Some of it was definitely not being comfortable with her changing body which thankfully relaxed with time.

what helped for us was Pinterest. Once she started making style boards we had a goal. I couldn’t find the clothing she wanted. I swear every shirt in our local stores is a crop top. she found stores online that sold what she wanted and despite the fact that returns to many of them were dicey, we gambled and it worked out really well.

Give her the iPad with the Hype site on and let her pick her own things, at her own pace. It’s 50% off atm

My (now 15) DD went through a phase like that. She would head towards the boys clothing (bigger/baggier). Zara online used to serve us well.

I ended up with medium intensity sports bras for her (sold in XS/S/M/L rather than band/cup size) to avoid a bra measuring service.

Also have a look at UNIQLO for basics. I've just been on a successful shopping trip there with DD.

I was like this as a teenager, I spent ages with my mum telling me to pick something and just wouldn’t.

I was incredibly shy and the thought of people ‘noticing’ me either because of body changes or just from purely wearing something new and having people make comments about it. Not negative comments, just the oh that’s new, it looks nice on you etc - I didn’t want any of the attention that came with ‘new’.

I’m not sure what the answer is because I just grew out of it eventually. Would she put clothes into an online basket for you to then buy? It might be less pressure for her than being in a shop and feeling watched making her choices.

Thanks everyone for your great advice.
We live rurally and are not recreational shoppers so she hasn’t really been shopping in town a lot- never for herself before. I’ve always just chosen and bought everything. I suppose it’s just a tricky transition period.

I’m mildly frustrated by it all, because I don’t really have time to guess what she might wear, buy it online and then return it if she doesn’t want it. I’m busy, I just want her to bloody well choose something!

Thanks again, I’ll take a few deep breaths and cut her some slack. Hopefully she’ll grow out of it soon!

Sympathies!

When dd1 was very early teens, trying to take her shopping for clothes was impossible - she’d stand just inside the shop and say, ‘There’s nothing here, there’s nothing here!’ - followed by a swift exit.

Truth was (as I eventually realised) she had no faith in her own ability to choose what was acceptable (or would not arouse eyerolls ) among her circle of friends (and obviously Mum was useless!) - but if she went with a friend whose judgement she respected, she’d very soon find something.

My oldest dd went through this for a long time. She’s gone through phases she had no clothes in her wardrobe apart from school uniform. At the worst time I took her into town and said we’d only leave after she had picked 1 set of clothes and a pair of shoes. Only then she managed to make a decision so she had at least something to wear.

Now (15) she is firmly into women’s sizes and finds it much easier to find things she likes. She’s even started to enjoy picking out her style.

My dd is older & still finds clothes shopping really hard. A few things that I found helped when she was younger were

• buying something I thought she might like 'for me' and then when it (strangely) wasn't my size, asking if she thought she might wear it instead of me returning it. This worked well for things like plain t-shirts
• finding a very small number of eg jeans online & showing her just 2 or 3 options. Even if they weren't right, it usually helped narrow down what might work, then I could find another 2-3 different options.
• sitting down with her with a few tabs open on websites & talking about what she might feel comfortable in
• eventually (!) coming up with a couple of brands/styles she was happy with, so eg 2nd hand levis from ebay in a particular style

Also, if the softness of older clothes is a factor, ebay is always a good option (or I'm sure vinted etc, just haven't got my head round them).

I had completely forgotten I used to be like this. This thread is bringing me out in a sweat reminding me how much I hated going clothes shopping. My Grandma would take me round shop after shop after shop saying Do you like this? Do you like this? Do you like this? Everything was fucking hideous (at least to me) and I would say no, no, no. She would smirk that I must like something and I would say no, I hate everything, and I did.

I had to monitor my movements, keep my eyes to the floor, my hands straight by my sides, because if I accidentally appeared to show an interest in one of the many hideous things, she would go on and on and on and on about the hideous thing and ask shop assistants for more sizes and colours and buy it for me, even if I insisted repeatedly I didn't want it, and then would have to say thank you and wear the thing and she would be triumphant that she had successfully found me something I "liked". It was the intense pressure I hated more than anything, I think.

The things I did wear were horrible but I suppose I just wore the horrible things that people bought me without asking.

Just buy her some very basic things - a pair of jeans, a pair of leggings, some plain tops.

Treat her a bit younger, she will grow up soon enough.

Stop making a big thing of it.

Hi there,
Currently my daughter is similar. Doesnt want to shop, doesnt like the things I get her. I am at wits end. I asked her what style she lives- she said emo.. I went long and hard looking for stuff. Doesnt want to wear a bra and she just started getting breasts. I am at my wits end. I feel like I need a hug. She was in tears. I even suggested she needs to go and buy clothes herself. She bought something without trying it out said she hated it and now she threw it somewhere I cant even return it. Mama.. I think our kids are going through a horrible phase of puberty