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Original poster

Should I report Internet friend missing.

86 replies

Patienceisntvirtuous · 23/10/2022 19:16

I follow a woman on SM. Don't know her personally. She's ALWAYS online. Day and night as she doesn't sleep well.

She messages me each time she posts new content. I've had a few chats with her and been in a few of her 'live' sessions, and have learned that she has BPD, suffers from depression, is estranged from her family and has lost a close sibling quite recently. She also has epilepsy and has been in a very abusive relationship.

She's now not been online since Thursday.

I don't know her so feel a bit 'busybody'. But I'm worried. She doesn't work, doesn't have people near her who know her.
I've got hold of two mobile numbers from her, no response. I've emailed her yesterday, no response. The worrisome thing is she is always online, she doesn't work other than her SM. It's out of character.

Should I ring the police? I don't know her address but I know her real name, number and town she lives in. Wwyd?

OP posts:
Sandcastlesinthesky · 23/10/2022 22:01

Think op is getting a really hard time here. It’s not that unusual to make a friend online. I met someone online and she lives alone with no family nearby. I’d be concerned if she suddenly disappeared when she’s usually very active online.

StupidSmallFruit · 23/10/2022 22:10

Patienceisntvirtuous · 23/10/2022 21:30

People watch people they don't know on SM all the time, all sorts of different interests on youtube/tiktok/instagram/pinterest for hobbies/lifestyles/interesting jobs/life advice/history etc etc etc. I find it bizarre that someone wouldn't be aware of that, even if it isn't something that interests them personally.

Show quote history

I’m aware of social media, I use it!

I just find it so odd that she would send you content. I don’t have personal interaction with anyone on social media. And it seems so self-absorbed (of her, not you!) to send you content.

Is she winning Wimbledon, or something? Is that why she thinks you’d be interested?

emevol · 23/10/2022 22:14

I don't know why but reading this gave me goosebumps Confused

Toddlerteaplease · 23/10/2022 22:19

I considered asking the police to do a welfare check on someone. I'd done an errand for her and she went radio silence as soon as I left. However as I barely knew her I didn't as I thought it would be overstepping the mark. I found out later that she'd committed suicide. Probably almost as soon as I left her.

colouringindoors · 23/10/2022 22:20

Patienceisntvirtuous · 23/10/2022 21:07

This is my thinking exactly. Especially as (if she's telling the truth) she is so estranged and lives quite solitary aside from online.

I'd rather someone was annoyed with me for checking up than had had a seizure and no medical care, things such as that.

Thanks for all the responses, good to get different perspectives.

Show quote history

This exactly. If you're concerned, get it checked. No harm done.

colouringindoors · 23/10/2022 22:21

Toddlerteaplease · 23/10/2022 22:19

I considered asking the police to do a welfare check on someone. I'd done an errand for her and she went radio silence as soon as I left. However as I barely knew her I didn't as I thought it would be overstepping the mark. I found out later that she'd committed suicide. Probably almost as soon as I left her.

@Toddlerteaplease oh goodness, I'm so sorry.

Original poster
Patienceisntvirtuous · 23/10/2022 22:25

StupidSmallFruit · 23/10/2022 22:10

I’m aware of social media, I use it!

I just find it so odd that she would send you content. I don’t have personal interaction with anyone on social media. And it seems so self-absorbed (of her, not you!) to send you content.

Is she winning Wimbledon, or something? Is that why she thinks you’d be interested?

Show quote history

So sorry, I misunderstood!

To be fair, I follow a few content creators and she's the only one who does this. I assume she does it with other followers. I think because I'll like or comment and she's trying to grow her audience? So the more interaction she gets-I don't always view all the ones she sends me, despite what it may sound like to others I don't spend loads of time on SM and don't always get to watch/like/comment on everything she sends.

If it was about wimbledon I'd have blocked her! Grin booor-ING! (No disrespect to anyone who likes it)!
@Toddlerteaplease that's so sad :( it does happen- I think more often than not, we would be worrying about nothing and the person's just taking time out or busy or whatever. But as others have said, weighing up the risks and consequences can be important and It's better to regret annoying someone who was enjoying solitude than to regret reporting someone who has harmed themselves, or needs help.

I just saw a few risk factors with this one-of course I am aware I don't know that all I've been privy to is the truth about her.

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 23/10/2022 22:28

@colouringindoors I think she had planned it to be that way and absolutely nothing could have stopped get her. I knew she had MH issues but she'd made up a completely different story as to why her cats needed to do to a rescue. (I was transporting them.)

NoYouSirName · 23/10/2022 22:35

There are other areas of the country that have been without internet since Thursday’s storms, if that helps. I don’t know what I’d do OP but I think it’s lovely that you care and sad that people say it’s weird.

Original poster
Patienceisntvirtuous · 23/10/2022 22:35

Toddlerteaplease · 23/10/2022 22:28

@colouringindoors I think she had planned it to be that way and absolutely nothing could have stopped get her. I knew she had MH issues but she'd made up a completely different story as to why her cats needed to do to a rescue. (I was transporting them.)

This is so, so sad Sad

So she'd made sure her cats would be looked after, but told you it was just circumstance.

The person I mentioned who'd been found deceased after a week (only early 40s too) his cat bolted as soon as emergency services entered his house. A relative went and after three attempts over several days (they lived a good couple of hours away) caught the cat and took it home. It escaped Sad

I worry the poor thing is making its way back to a home that's no longer its home.
Derailing my own thread. I'll let you know if the platform gets back to me or she responds. If they don't I'll rethink calling services.

OP posts:
colouringindoors · 23/10/2022 23:13

Toddlerteaplease · 23/10/2022 22:28

@colouringindoors I think she had planned it to be that way and absolutely nothing could have stopped get her. I knew she had MH issues but she'd made up a completely different story as to why her cats needed to do to a rescue. (I was transporting them.)

I'm sure you're right. And you did a good thing helping take care of her cats x.

Findingmypurposeinlife · 23/10/2022 23:22

You sound so kind. I have been estranged from my family for over ten years (not through choice) and it is really difficult to learn to trust others so one tends to lead a very solitary existence. I only recently discovered my own mother had died 4 years ago and no one had reached out to tell me. I (unintentionally) literally poured my grief out on sm (not for attention or to make drama - more as an outlet) and there were times that I now realise I was really very vulnerable but I guess people assumed I may have been exaggerating (I wasn't) It's reassuring to think there are people out there who do care and who would go out of their way to check-in on someone who may not have anyone else to reach out to. As long as there is no risk to your own safety, I commend you. Keep being you and thank you.

Original poster
Patienceisntvirtuous · 24/10/2022 06:05

Findingmypurposeinlife · 23/10/2022 23:22

You sound so kind. I have been estranged from my family for over ten years (not through choice) and it is really difficult to learn to trust others so one tends to lead a very solitary existence. I only recently discovered my own mother had died 4 years ago and no one had reached out to tell me. I (unintentionally) literally poured my grief out on sm (not for attention or to make drama - more as an outlet) and there were times that I now realise I was really very vulnerable but I guess people assumed I may have been exaggerating (I wasn't) It's reassuring to think there are people out there who do care and who would go out of their way to check-in on someone who may not have anyone else to reach out to. As long as there is no risk to your own safety, I commend you. Keep being you and thank you.

Thank you-and I am sorry for what you've been through :(

I hope life's treating you well now.

With the person I am referring to, I just saw a few risk factors, and coupled with out of character behaviour it was a bit alarming.

This thread seemed to turn from people being totally against my being concerned to more people understanding it!

Anyway, said woman has responded to my message a few minutes ago!

She's not angry with me, and actually seemed quite touched by my concern. Said she has been very very down and not very well physically, but is okay and feeling a little better. She didn't actively decide to be off social media, just felt too depressed to go on it.

I said I was sorry if she felt I was intrusive-she told me not to be, and I said I would delete her number if she wished and she said it was fine to keep it (with a smile emoticon).

No harm done. I am glad I didn't report to the police before she responded (but I'd have left it a reasonable length of time anyway). I'd still consider doing that if something similar happened again though-all things considered. I still stand by It's better to get it wrong and nothing be of concern, than the other way around.

I am grateful for the idea of reporting to the social media platform too-I'd not have thought of that. I am actually not sure what they could do that I couldn't, unless the number I had was no longer valid or something I suppose.

OP posts:
PinkButtercups · 24/10/2022 14:18

I'm glad you made contact with her and everything is okay.

Bestofthree · 30/10/2022 09:04

Ah yay she made contact.

musingsinmidlife · 30/10/2022 09:15

This is a significant change for her and she has mental health issues and a recent loss.

I would call police and give them what info you have and suggest a wellness check. Better to do something and find out it was nothing than do to nothing and find out it was something.

BobbyBobbyBobby · 30/10/2022 10:13

My son had a woman insist on police in the U.K. (she’s in America) do a welfare check on him a he stopped talking to her as she had developed a fixation on him.

Amazingly the police took her word and tracked him down (she didn’t have his address but he has an unique name).

It made him feel very uncomfortable and the woman has tried to stalk him at every opportunity. She’s early fifties and he’s late twenties.

I would leave well alone as she may not want to be bothered.

Original poster
Patienceisntvirtuous · 01/11/2022 03:09

BobbyBobbyBobby · 30/10/2022 10:13

My son had a woman insist on police in the U.K. (she’s in America) do a welfare check on him a he stopped talking to her as she had developed a fixation on him.

Amazingly the police took her word and tracked him down (she didn’t have his address but he has an unique name).

It made him feel very uncomfortable and the woman has tried to stalk him at every opportunity. She’s early fifties and he’s late twenties.

I would leave well alone as she may not want to be bothered.

That sounds like a very different situation really. I am not stalky in the slightest and was genuinely concerned. I am sorry your son went through that.

OP posts:
Nothing445 · 27/06/2023 05:21

I don't know what to do because my friend hasn't anwer

Original poster
Patienceisntvirtuous · 28/06/2023 14:08

@Nothing445 you will be better off beginning a new thread, this is an old one so people are unlikely to respond on it.

OP posts:
BodegaSushi · 28/06/2023 14:10

Patienceisntvirtuous · 28/06/2023 14:08

@Nothing445 you will be better off beginning a new thread, this is an old one so people are unlikely to respond on it.

But as you've resurfaced OP, did you ever heard back from your friend?

Original poster
Patienceisntvirtuous · 28/06/2023 16:23

@BodegaSushi I did-see post @ 24/10/2022 06:05. 😊

OP posts:
beeskipa · 28/06/2023 16:51

In a very similar situation (someone I followed/occasionally chatted briefly to who suddenly disappeared after some semi-concerning posts) I messaged this person's mum (she was tagged in older posts, so easy to find). As it happened, the person was having a very severe manic episode and her mum messaged me afterwards to thank me for caring.

It felt intrusive (and I apologised a lot for it in my message to her mum) but I'd rather have been mildly intrusive and wrong than not have bothered.

Lemonclub88 · 28/06/2023 16:59

I want the OP to come back and tell us the outcome now. Hope it was all OK.

CourtenayDevon · 28/06/2023 17:01

@Lemonclub88 At least read the op's posts. 🙄