Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Should I report Internet friend missing.

86 replies

Patienceisntvirtuous · 23/10/2022 19:16

I follow a woman on SM. Don't know her personally. She's ALWAYS online. Day and night as she doesn't sleep well.

She messages me each time she posts new content. I've had a few chats with her and been in a few of her 'live' sessions, and have learned that she has BPD, suffers from depression, is estranged from her family and has lost a close sibling quite recently. She also has epilepsy and has been in a very abusive relationship.

She's now not been online since Thursday.

I don't know her so feel a bit 'busybody'. But I'm worried. She doesn't work, doesn't have people near her who know her.
I've got hold of two mobile numbers from her, no response. I've emailed her yesterday, no response. The worrisome thing is she is always online, she doesn't work other than her SM. It's out of character.

Should I ring the police? I don't know her address but I know her real name, number and town she lives in. Wwyd?

OP posts:
WeeOrcadian · 23/10/2022 19:51

Patienceisntvirtuous · 23/10/2022 19:29

I know her real name because I sent her something by email and she has her name on her signature. Of course it could be a different one. She's told me the town she lives in. Not sure what you mean by number? A mutual contact gave me her mobile numbers for a different reason some time ago. I've never used them.

But you don't - you don't know her. You know what she's told you. You believe what she's told you. You actually know nothing about this person. It all sounds fishy AF to me, on a few levels actually.

Also, if this makes any difference, some islands off the Scottish coast have had no broadband or mobile signal for days, it's still spotty and keeps dropping out. An under-sea cable has been damaged and cut all communications, on Thursday gone

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 23/10/2022 19:52

A mutual contact gave me her mobile numbers for a different reason some time ago.

Have you contacted mutual contact? they know her well enough to give you her number.

Original poster
Patienceisntvirtuous · 23/10/2022 20:03

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 23/10/2022 19:52

A mutual contact gave me her mobile numbers for a different reason some time ago.

Have you contacted mutual contact? they know her well enough to give you her number.

Yes I have. They're not in touch any longer.

OP posts:
Original poster
Patienceisntvirtuous · 23/10/2022 20:04

WeeOrcadian · 23/10/2022 19:51

But you don't - you don't know her. You know what she's told you. You believe what she's told you. You actually know nothing about this person. It all sounds fishy AF to me, on a few levels actually.

Also, if this makes any difference, some islands off the Scottish coast have had no broadband or mobile signal for days, it's still spotty and keeps dropping out. An under-sea cable has been damaged and cut all communications, on Thursday gone

Show quote history

Yes, I've already acknowledged this part. She could have made her name/location etc up.
Nowhere near Scotland so not that.

OP posts:
Adultchildofelderlyparents · 23/10/2022 20:17

I wouldn't contact the police but you can report her profile to whichever social media provider. I did this with someone I follow on instagram - I do not know then but had reason to be concerned for their welfare. I flagged them to instagram, who contacted the person.

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 23/10/2022 20:19

They're not in touch any longer

Why aren't they? could be the same reason why you are not in contact with her either?

Truth is, she isn't your friend. You said it so yourself, that you don't know her personally.

Original poster
Patienceisntvirtuous · 23/10/2022 20:22

Adultchildofelderlyparents · 23/10/2022 20:17

I wouldn't contact the police but you can report her profile to whichever social media provider. I did this with someone I follow on instagram - I do not know then but had reason to be concerned for their welfare. I flagged them to instagram, who contacted the person.

That's a good idea, thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Patienceisntvirtuous · 23/10/2022 20:24

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 23/10/2022 20:19

They're not in touch any longer

Why aren't they? could be the same reason why you are not in contact with her either?

Truth is, she isn't your friend. You said it so yourself, that you don't know her personally.

I'm aware she isn't a friend and that I don't know her personally. I think I put that in the OP. I guess I am a worst case scenario thinker and as I've said, affected by a recent occurrence.

They fell out, one of them wanted a relationship, other didn't (again, from what they've told me).

OP posts:
grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 23/10/2022 20:46

Like pp said, contact and report your worry to the SM provider. Same as anywhere else. It's not healthy to get so sucked into the virtual relationship. But I can also understand your worry. So do that, and they would know her details to get in touch.

JudgeRindersMinder · 23/10/2022 20:49

IncompleteSenten · 23/10/2022 19:34

If you need to call asking for a welfare check for your own peace of mind then you should do that.

That’s not what welfare checks are for

CornishTiger · 23/10/2022 20:53

Actually I would do a welfare check request with the police.

That way if she isn’t ok you’ve done the best you can.

PinkButtercups · 23/10/2022 20:59

I think a welfare check wouldn't hurt. You have your heart in the right place and it's enough to make you feel concerned. Only you know what she is like. So if you feel like this is out of character a welfare check isn't going to be such a bad thing.

EarlofShrewsbury · 23/10/2022 21:03

I would weigh up the regret in this situation.

If I found out something bad had happened and I didn't do anything when I was worried, I think I would regret that more than someone thinking I was a creepy stalker or gullible.

Original poster
Patienceisntvirtuous · 23/10/2022 21:07

EarlofShrewsbury · 23/10/2022 21:03

I would weigh up the regret in this situation.

If I found out something bad had happened and I didn't do anything when I was worried, I think I would regret that more than someone thinking I was a creepy stalker or gullible.

This is my thinking exactly. Especially as (if she's telling the truth) she is so estranged and lives quite solitary aside from online.

I'd rather someone was annoyed with me for checking up than had had a seizure and no medical care, things such as that.

Thanks for all the responses, good to get different perspectives.

OP posts:
October2020 · 23/10/2022 21:07

A welfare check is going to do no harm to anyone. The police won't attend if they're currently called to anything more serious so you won't be wasting anyone's time. The worst case scenario is that she's fine and she's annoyed you checked.

StupidSmallFruit · 23/10/2022 21:10

Patienceisntvirtuous · 23/10/2022 19:22

We don't talk very often at all, she just sends me content. I do know she seldom goes out due to illness though. Doesn't have many RL friends, sort of 'lives' online.

She sends you content?

What does that mean?

MossGrowsFat · 23/10/2022 21:17

October2020 · 23/10/2022 21:07

A welfare check is going to do no harm to anyone. The police won't attend if they're currently called to anything more serious so you won't be wasting anyone's time. The worst case scenario is that she's fine and she's annoyed you checked.

This, I can't see what the problem is with letting the authorities know.

Near me a school child told his teacher that someone on his route to school had stopped picking up the rubbish that blew into the garden and he was worried. Turned out that the owner had moved into a care home but he and the teacher were thanked for taking the time to care.

Mydoggosarethebest · 23/10/2022 21:17

I'd rather someone was annoyed with me for checking up than had had a seizure and no medical care, things such as that.

Same! My grandads cousin was dead in her house for 5 weeks (!!) Before anyone noticed. She lived a solitary life miles from family, and had no close friends. It was the neighbours that reported a bad smell. Absolutely horrific. Obviously it's rare this happens, but it DOES happen. I would 100% ask the police to do a welfare check

Original poster
Patienceisntvirtuous · 23/10/2022 21:24

StupidSmallFruit · 23/10/2022 21:10

She sends you content?

What does that mean?

Show quote history

Sorry, I mean each time she uploads something, she sends me it so I am aware without having to go to her page. I make the assumption she does it with other people who follow her too-just to get more views I suppose? I am not a content creator.

OP posts:
StupidSmallFruit · 23/10/2022 21:27

That’s just so … bizarre.

How interesting is her content, and why does she think complete strangers are so interested in it, that they have to be notified?

Original poster
Patienceisntvirtuous · 23/10/2022 21:30

StupidSmallFruit · 23/10/2022 21:27

That’s just so … bizarre.

How interesting is her content, and why does she think complete strangers are so interested in it, that they have to be notified?

People watch people they don't know on SM all the time, all sorts of different interests on youtube/tiktok/instagram/pinterest for hobbies/lifestyles/interesting jobs/life advice/history etc etc etc. I find it bizarre that someone wouldn't be aware of that, even if it isn't something that interests them personally.

OP posts:
OnaBegonia · 23/10/2022 21:30

Have you tried calling her if you have a mobile number? or searching the number online?

schnausages · 23/10/2022 21:32

Do you mean that you're on a mailing list? This is normal for content creators to send out generic emails to people on the list when they put out new content.

People take breaks for all kinds of reasons. I think you're maybe inserting yourself into a non situation a little too much

Original poster
Patienceisntvirtuous · 23/10/2022 21:33

OnaBegonia · 23/10/2022 21:30

Have you tried calling her if you have a mobile number? or searching the number online?

I haven't called just texted. I will call if nothing comes of what I've already done though.

It's not a mailing list @schnausages , It's a private message facility.

OP posts:
Russell19 · 23/10/2022 21:39

I'd contact non emergency police and just mention you're concerned and why. They might check up on her.