An idyllic childhood

[Patapouf]

If you had one, what made it so?

I'm sure we'd all like our DC to have one but what does it look like?

DH and I are from very different backgrounds and the things that we can pinpoint as being good in our own lives are quite different from each other. I think there are always ways to make the best of a situation and families develop their own traditions for events like birthdays and Xmas, but short of having limitless funds the things we can actually choose for our children's lives^^ are finite.

Is a rural upbringing with farmland on your doorstep better than city life with access to culturally enriching places like museums, galleries etc?

A short walk to school or a half an hour drive? Camping or beach holidays abroad? How much does it all matter? Close to cousins? Grandparents? What should be prioritised?

Fun. In whatever rich form you and your kids find it.

Work hard and play hard.

Not idyllic by any means but I grew up with a tight knit extended family and looking back on it that gave me so much joy and security. I want to weep when I read about the "just us" on Christmas day threads, I can't imagine being happy on a special occasion by excluding family.

I think a stable family makes for a good childhood. Parents together and working for the benefit of the family as a whole, rather than being selfish. Extended family all caring about us too.

In my opinion, anything else on top of that is the icing of the cake.

I just wanted people in my family to be nice to each other.

eathyme · Today 19:29
Not idyllic by any means but I grew up with a tight knit extended family and looking back on it that gave me so much joy and security. I want to weep when I read about the "just us" on Christmas day threads, I can't imagine being happy on a special occasion by excluding family.

This.

Oh gosh I thought you lot were going to say stuff like X tradition was the highlight of my childhood or I really loved riding a tractor to school with a total of 5 classmates or living in a city was the best not sad things like wanting your family to be nice 😢

I'd like to assert that all children deserve a warm, happy home with a loving family unity and no consciousness of anything adult such as debt.

Tell me about your icing on the cake things!! Do we think having a better childhood makes a better adult?

Loads of family time, holidays, summer bbqs, cartoons on the telly, lots and lots of love.

A better childhood doesnt make for a better adult. BUT, a better childhood gives you such a huge leg up as an adult. I never realised till I had my own children. My kids only have to concern themselves with school and fun activities. If anything is worrying them they can talk to us without worrying that we have our own stuff to deal with and so trying to deal with it themselves.

But some children are not so lucky. Their parents are mentally ill, or poor, or educational lacking etc. Those children are disadvantaged from the off.

My icing on the cake things would be living in the countryside in a big detached house in its own grounds, but within an hour or 2 of a city.

I would want 3 or 4 foreign holidays a year too.

Do we think having a better childhood makes a better adult?

Isn't it fairly well established that neglectful or overly harsh parenting is a massive risk factor for loads of issues in adult life, including obesity and depression? Loving and consistent parenting, wherever that may be, will set a child up with healthy self esteem and boundaries.

I had a really positive childhood. I knew that my parents loved each other and my grandparents were youngish and also silly with each other. We didn't go on holiday because we didn't have much money but my parents kept their problems to themselves and none of my mates had any money either so no FOMO. I've tried to do this for my DCs but much harder not to compare with the internet.

I have to add that my own nuclear family was far from perfect, my DPs went through a very messy divorce that went on for years and there was a lot of mudslinging that I was privy too, but I had very solid foundations in my grandparents, aunts/uncles and cousins, who I saw daily. This was honestly the biggest protective factor I believe and probably saved me from MH issues further down the line.

My childhood probably wasn't idyllic by other people's standards but I look back on it fondly. In particular, I remember the time spend outdoors building 'dens' in the local woodland with the other children who lived down the road. I think outdoor space and local friends really made a positive difference to me. Oh, and lots and lots of books.

I grew up in a rural (ish) village, I have mainly good memories of my childhood or until I was 15 at least. My parents worked quite a lot especially my father so we kind of entertained ourselves, built dens in the woods, rode bikes everywhere with friends, did little jobs for elderly neighbours and basically made our own entertainment. We often had friends sleep over, our house was pretty open and my mum would often cook for who ever wanted a meal, our house was always full with kids, family and friends. We were lucky to go abroad on holidays but other than that we rarely went out for the day, never went to the cinema or the beach (unless other relatives took us). I have great memories.

When I was 14/15 my father almost went bankrupt after someone didn’t pay him for some work he had carried out (a lot of money) and after that things changed, my parents argued a lot and they didn’t really parent us anymore, we were kind of left to make our own choices. So I don’t have such happy me,prices of my teenage years.

I have raised my kids in a rural village and it’s been much harder than I imagined, kids no longer play out here, apparently it’s not as safe and they seem to spend more time gaming. They get bored easily and want to go places, places that I rarely went as a child. I think it would have been easier if we lived in a town or closer to a city.

I think that having an idyllic childhood depends in part on fate. Perhaps my childhood would have been more idyllic had my father not had his first of several heart attacks when I was 5 and died when I was 13.

I don't believe in idyllic childhoods. Mine wasn't, but it was a happy childhood with lots of love.

I work with children from a huge range of families - children who live in a city, live rurally, living in poverty, living in wealth, going to private schools etc. In my experience of what makes a good childhood: love, time, kindness, playfulness, compassion and someone to trust.

The things that’s come to mind for me are being listened to and considered to have a valid opinion, a lot of stability and being incredibly encouraging and supportive. Those have nothing to do with cash.

Not idyllic totally but the best bits I remember we're playing out with friends the freedom to roam at about age 10 with a group of about 6 of us

Nothing at all to do with my family are happy childhood memories- I didn't have a bad family it's just the sun dappled smile memories are with friends

Your time.

I had a stable (rural) home with parents who loved me and lots of time with them. I played outside a lot.

Looking back on it I realise we really had very little money but I never realised it because my mum turned everything into an adventure, however small.

I think the farm life is idyllic for younger dc but age 8 + probably the opposite. I say this from experience of living it and I hated living in the middle of nowhere as a teen. As a result I've brought my dc up in a nice area close to a city centre and for ages all they have wants was to be in the middle of nowhere with animals 😆. They are staring to come out the outer side of that though (age 9 and 12) but then they have the balance of spending lots of time on a farm then coming home. To make it idyllic for then I'd have money for then to have their own ponies which isn't going to happen

I had a privileged rural childhood, but far from idyllic. No shortage of money, horsey background, big house, rode before I could walk, multiple animals and spent my childhood riding and mainly playing outside. I’ve yet to grow out of my love for horses, rambling old houses, rural life and the outdoors so in that sense my childhood was perfect for me. I also had abusive parents and my role models for ideal childhood has, and always will be my best friends significantly less well off parents and their loving and stable home.

That aside I don’t think there is one answer. Dsd is very like me, horse and outdoor obsessed and I genuinely believe she’d have been happy on the most isolated island playing ponies all day with just dd as peer age company. Dd, not so much, she enjoyed the freedom as a child and likes horses as family pets, but would have been miserable if we hadn’t facilitated a more social lifestyle, really struggled with lockdown and is loving uni in a big city.

It's nice you have a good extended family. I
Love our Christmas just DH, DS and me though. I couldn't imagine enjoying a busy noisy day full of people!

Great analogy!

I was an only child and we didn’t have much money, but there were lots of aunts, uncles and cousins to spend Christmas and other holidays with.

We didn’t have lots of holidays with our children either (DH had a business that couldn’t be left for much of their childhood) but we spent time with extended family. We had lovely times when the grandchildren were small, but they have their own lives now.

I wouldn’t say any of it was idyllic, but much of it was enjoyable.

Parts of mine were idyllic, I went to a wonderful private school, had great friends and my much loved ponies. But, my mum was an alcoholic. I envied any friends who didn’t have to worry about their parent’s drinking. I was never relaxed as I was always anxious about the evening ahead.