How important are family mealtimes for child development?

[Nodinnerdate]

If they are not a possibility is this really going to affect how a toddler/child develops ?

HV always asks about it since I explained we don’t eat together as a family (due to a combination of work hours and family mementos with asd who are not able to eat anywhere other than alone in their rooms)

most days I have lunch with toddler dd but apparently it’s not enough as it’s not ‘at a table’
dd starts nursery next year so will have opportunities to eat with others then so surely it’s not going to be the huge issue I’m being led to believe ?

Mementos !!! That should say members !

honestly OP don't sweat it too much. provided they get love, hugs and are well adjusted there's no issue. HVs always have these weird things they try to put upon mothers, which aren't always suited to the family in question.

I'm a LP and for this reason it's super hard for me and my DS to eat together very often - always busy working (from home), juggling a million things, we are hungry at different times, eat different foods etc. doesn't seem to affect DS! He's a lovely, intelligent and happy kid with good manners.

If if doesn't work for you and your family then it doesn't work. Ideally I'd try to eat as much as possible as a family, or at least not having any child eat alone. You're modelling table manners, eating a range of healthy food and taking that time as a family to share time and distraction free conversation. Is there a reason you aren't eating lunch at the table with DD? That seems like an easy switch.

She won’t eat unless she’s in her high chair and it has to be in a certain place in the same room and the table is in the kitchen (she’s showing signs of asd too so I just prefer to keep to the same routine so that she eats )

We didn't really do 'family mealtimes' much except special occasions (eg staying with grandparents) and meals out. We did lots of other stuff as a family just not much sitting round a table eating.

As far as I can tell this had zero impact on DDs development.

It's important children learn to make conversation (turn taking, language and wider communication skills development, social skills etc) and that they eat a varied diet, try new foods, and learn to use cutlery. It's also obviously important that family members develop bonds, can share experiences, get to know one another and understand a bit about one another's world outside the house, share worries and laughter etc.

Family meals are a pretty efficient way of achieving these things.

It's not that family meals are essential, but that they "kill a lot of birds with one stone" - obviously there are other ways to achieve the same things though

each to their own- my neighbours eat with their child which results in their child eating quite late and in turn pushes back bedtime. My daughters eat earlier together during the week, sometimes with the tv on (gasp!) whilst I do tasks in the house. I really don’t think they will end up screwed up over it

I think it's important and insist on it with my children, life is so chaotic and hectic - I work full time as a single parent with 3 young children - It's the only time all 4 of us sit together really in the same space with no one running off and I can talk with the eldest and ensure the twins are eating (they are almost 2). I believe it helps with table manners and also I can see what everyone is eating. But I was raised very much the same way. STBEXH never ate as a family and I do see a difference socially - they just don't talk or interact really as a family. Meals are eaten staring at the tv. No eye contact etc. isn't the saying "the family that eats together stays together" about a year ago STBEXH said he couldn't eat with us as it interfere with his gym fitness regime and the meals not suitable for whatever diet he was on.....he stopped eating with us. 12 months later we are divorcing

Honestly my children eat together at around 4:30mph my husband doesn’t get home till more like 6ish the children go to bed around 7ish so we eat after then.

I still talk to them and obviously they can talk tones hi there. But if I ate with them dh eats alone and I’d be hungry again.

HV always asks about it since I explained we don’t eat together as a family

Just a reminder you don't need to let these useless twots into your house.

We don’t. Toddler DS won’t sit in the high chair so eats his food watching CBeebies.

there, bet you feel better now

We eat together at the table, but DS usually watches Paw Patrol. Occasionally we might get some random conversation out of him but at least he eats. I couldn't care less if that is 'frowned upon' or not. Nobody knows what your family situation is. You do what works for you.

Oh and unless an entire family meal phones and iPads are allowed shhhh ima make them for to midnight mass this year the heavens.

If I opt out now is it going to look strange though that’s my concern. I just feel as if the HV doesn’t really understand when I explain that it’s difficult with more than one autistic child to do the things they want me to so that they can tick their boxes

I’m not sure many people manage to do family mealtimes, especially when kids are little as who wants to eat dinner at 4.30pm? We do lunch either out together, or home at the table at weekends. I just don’t think family mealtimes are the big thing they used to be given parents are so into activities with kids now.

We find it very important and never had an issue that DD ate around 7pm most evenings. Saying that, we both come from a country where the idea of children eating tea at 5pm and adults after bedtime separately is totally unknown.

But, it's also important how you interact with your child otherwise. Mealtimes are a great time to interact with your child but it can be done differently. I personally find it important not to leave a child alone at mealtimes but you could just sit down with a cup of tea as well.

We are trying with my daughter as she isn't eating much and l hope it will be encouraged her. She is a slow eater so we just let her take her time. We also eat with our hands and our food is not English so she is learning about that too.

Don't let the HV make you feel bad, there are lots of reasons why people can't always sit for dinner together. She shouldn't be judging you, every families is different.

We didn't (often) eat with the children until they were 8, 7 and 3. There were a few reasons (space and I used to work evenings or DH worked late) and they just couldn't wait until we were both available. I don't believe it made much difference to them, they've always eaten anything we've given them, and all speak well, great vocabulary etc. The only thing that the older two struggled with a using a knife and fork properly, but after going on and on about correct table manners they eat better than I see most adult doing nowadays. I wouldn't worry OP.

@PorridgewithQuark

Family meals were awful in my house and DH family are absolutely manic about meals but apparently never let DH do any talking so he doesn't talk now.

So when you’re DD is in her high chair having her lunch just pull up a chair near her and have your lunch too - or a cuppa and a biscuit, a banana - anything and hey presto you’re having a family mealtime.

HV love to make shit up to shame mums don’t they. What about people who don’t have a dining room or a table?

As long as your child is eating, youre eating and everyone is fed and looked after it’s fine!

I never ate at a table growing up, we sat on the floor and ate with a spoon or our hand (what many people refer to as "barn yard manners") . This has not in any way impacted on my ability to learn table manners, eat a wide variety of food, learn about turn taking etc. Don't worry OP, just keep doing what works for you.

My oldest DC is autistic. He's 10. Until he was about 7 I insisted we eat together at the table in the evening. I had read somewhere how it was "the most important thing you can do to prevent poor outcomes for teenagers". Anyway, he really struggled and we spent the whole time trying to manage him and then his siblings who inevitably copy his behaviour. Things came to a head one evening when he was getting up and down and not eating, DH was getting really annoyed and looked over at DC3 who was about 18 months, he was sitting there with his hands over his ears and I just thought WTF are we doing. Fucking 'advice'.
So now we sit on the sofa in front of the TV to eat with trays. Initially I felt like I was a totally shit parent but actually the kids eat more in volume and variety, and we've watched some great stuff together and had actual conversations rather than getting wound up by each other.
We do occasionally eat at the table on a Sunday and play card games, but the novelty almost makes this a treat. We also occasionally go out for meals and the children are fine sitting at a table and using cutlery so turns out they won't grow up totally feral.

Growing up we ate together at breakfast and dinner. My parents were strict about manners, and promoted mealtimes as a social occasion over food intake. As a result we grew up very well socialised and confident in being well mannered. We were very popular with other children’s parents because of this.

Just tell her you are doing it now? How will they know? We don't eat our evening meal with our kids as my husband is at work late. And to be honest I prefer to eat it in peace rather than up and down a million times to get them another drink or more fruit or whatever. I generally will have lunch with the younger one though when not at nursery or at weekends with both of them.

We talk throughout the day so I'm not sure it makes a huge difference at all. I'd rather they are without me at a reasonable time than all together at like 8pm!

We didn’t have family mealtimes when I was going bar Sunday lunch and we’re all fine, eat normally and love each other.

We eat together with DS aged 3 sometimes but not all the time. Usually on a weekend. He’s fine and I’m not worried. He knows how to sit at a table and eat when he needs to.