How important are family mealtimes for child development?

[Nodinnerdate]

If they are not a possibility is this really going to affect how a toddler/child develops ?

HV always asks about it since I explained we don’t eat together as a family (due to a combination of work hours and family mementos with asd who are not able to eat anywhere other than alone in their rooms)

most days I have lunch with toddler dd but apparently it’s not enough as it’s not ‘at a table’
dd starts nursery next year so will have opportunities to eat with others then so surely it’s not going to be the huge issue I’m being led to believe ?

We might be rare but we do actually eat together every night. We eat around 5:30/6 but we go to bed early so the early meal time works for us. One of us often sits with the kids while the eat breakfast and lunch too, for company. For us they eat far better if someone’s sitting with them. It’s now my family did things growing up too, so I guess it’s what I know.

Having said that though, you need to do what works for you! Parenting is hard enough without trying to conform to someone else’s idea of the ideal. Just tell the HV you’re eating together.

Yeah we do our best at weekends

but in the week we have to rush out the door at 7.30 to get to nursery for 8 - usually a banana on the bus

guess she eats with all the children then at lunch and tea there

when we get home about 5.30/6 There’s literally time for a snack, bath, bed for 7

don’t know where I’m supposed to for in eating a meal together

I was brought up to eat as a family and I did the same with my children. I just felt it was a good routine, it taught table manners and was a time for us all to communicate together about the day.
I have no idea how important it is to development but it was important to me for us to function like that as a family. Maybe because I was brought up in that way?

We find it very important and never had an issue that DD ate around 7pm most evenings. Saying that, we both come from a country where the idea of children eating tea at 5pm and adults after bedtime separately is totally unknown.
Same here. We think it's important although I have a cut off for the DC of 7pm. If DH is back later than that we will eat and leave him something. It's rare through because he tries to leave for work between 5-6am so that he is home in time to eat together. I suppose the British way would be for me to feed the DC and wait for DH but that wouldn't be practical because of bed time. And I'd be hungry.

It's just me and DD at ours. Sometimes (rarely!) we sit at the kitchen table together and eat. Other times, she'll eat and I'll do the dishes - we'll chat then whilst she's eating. More often than not though, we sit together on the sofa with the TV on.

I do try and remain in the same room when she's eating but sometimes I've got stuff to do, and that's just part and parcel of being a single parent unfortunately.

Our downstairs in open plan. We spend entire evenings in each other’s company. Mealtimes aren’t our sacrosanct time together. Not effect on development as far as I can see.

We were pretty poor growing up but we always ate at the table together in the evening and had some of our best family discussions there . I didn’t have much but I always knew my table manners were spot on . I tried to do the same with my children. If they had to eat earlier I would still sit with them and chat. My DC and their children all eat at the table and when I visit it’s one of my favourite times when we all eat together. I still can’t eat a full meal on my knee but that’s possibly because I manage to spill stuff on my ample bosom 😂

We ate as a family as it worked for us, my DH was home in time for us to eat around 5 pm. It was the only time we got to ask each other how our days had gone, anything we needed to know. As soon as meal was over DC went mainly to their own rooms so it was good to spend time over meals, otherwise we wouldn’t know what was going on with them. I understand it won’t work for everyone and I wouldn’t judge anyone for doing things differently, particularly those children with special additional needs, I totally get it that you know what’s best for them and all the family. My HV gave lots of advice, but when she had her own children (twins) the advice changed dramatically.

I do think it’s important, it’s a time to chat and when children hit their teen years and start to get independence it’s a time to get together. But I see you have children and probably your toddler has ASD so I realise food issues can be quite an issue so I guess it’s what works for you.

My friends that had children at the same time as me always fed their dc much earlier and then had dinner as a couple together. All those kids were picky eaters, maybe a coincidence. Did wonder if it was because they all wanted grown up time without kids but didn’t ask as seemed intrusive, twenty years hence and one couple have broken up.

But both those couples had their children in bed by 6.30pm, DS was put in bed at 8pm. We ate around 6.30 to 7pm.

We sometimes eat together sometimes not but generally I'm with them when they eat. I did a roast yesterday and my son spoilt it by complaining and crying and saying he didn't want it. I think family mealtimes can be over rated!

I always ate with mine and dh would have his later when he was home from work. Now they're adults we eat together 3-4 times a week and it's the highlight of my day. They seem to enjoy it too. We talk about our days and just connect. My eldest was upset about her bf the other day and talked it over through dinner.

I think it's really, really important. Without these family dinners we would never be together. Don't underestimate it.

My children also speak of them fondly.

Whatever works for you. We nearly always eat together, even lunch at the weekends because it suits. I couldn’t tell you exactly how my DC’s development has been affected as two eat anything, one very limited ; conversation is sometimes great and sometimes non existent. If there’s been a row the atmosphere is horrible . There are enough worries as a parent without adding in angst over “correct” mealtimes so if it works for you keep it that way.

I think if you can sprinkle the odd table meal in during the week as children grow its beneficial.
They will learn about table manners they may need for visiting friends or parties just the basics.
It doesn't have to be stuffy or formal just chuck everything down in big bowls and kids love being able to choose their own put it on the plate, even have a little jug for gravy or whatever.
If you don't have a table it's difficult, I had a cheap fold out table when kids were small and we would set that up a few times a week in the kitchen.

DS eats really poorly if I sit at the table with him. I think he finds it a bit pressured. He’s fine in restaurants, cafes and at nursery - it’s just at home he gets stupid and starts throwing food etc.

I don't think it's a huge issue, if it's not practical for you as a family. If the child has loving parents, a good routine, nourishing food, plenty of sleep and exercise, and gets to socialize with other children, that just about covers it. The mealtime doesn't necessarily have to be taken at a family table.

I have two ASD children (one severely), 1 ADHD and 1 NT; we eat at the table together every night and most breakfasts/weekend lunches. It gives us a great opportunity for everyone to simply be together and be part of each other’s day. Important for sibling relationships especially with a variety of ages here. Plus table manners/increased general knowledge and communication skills simply through all the ages chatting and laughing together.

I’m not the best or perfect parent! Little things have slide at times!

We both work full time, when children younger and the one thing we did was sit around most days around a table in the evenings for tea. Even if it was just some toast for the little one sat in her high chair or occasionally sat on my lap for snuggles!

My daughter now at uni and likes to come home occasionally for a Sunday dinner as it’s a time to come together. It’s just what we do and it’s the one time in sometimes stressful times we chat and laugh (occasion teenage tantrums) but it’s our time and I treasure it. I don’t judge others families find things that work for them.

I struggle with this too. DD is almost 11 months. We have breakfast and lunch together but she has dinner at 5 and eats something I wouldn't eat because I'm on a calorie controlled diet and I eat a Gousto meal at 8ish with my husband.

I do feel guilty though esp by the end of the day I'm so tired and trying to make conversation with a non Verbal baby is quite hard we tend to watch the chase which I tell myself is educational but I know we need to stop 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️

I doubt they're important for child development, and certainly not important for a very young child. However as a parent of an older child we try and sit down for dinner at least a few times a week. It's often the first time I've seen them that day and it's just a chance to catch up on our days and touch base. (the deep chats are of course saved for right before bedtime ).

I think it’s important to have that time when the family all come together and talk about their day etc. Also it’s a chance to teach them table manners, so that you can take them out to restaurants without fear of them running amok.

We always did this when the kids were little because it worked for us, but honestly there isn't one right way to do things and it really isn't something to get worked up about. There are lots of other opportunities for sharing and conversation - car journeys were another big one of ours.

Same! We only sit together if we go out to eat really which we do about twice a week. Two main reasons, our DD has school dinners most days so that’s her main meal, she then has an after school snack and her evening meal is then a lunch type meal (sandwich, veggies etc). Sometimes if we go out for dinner then she’ll have another dinner. The other reason is we prefer to eat late so eat after the little ones have gone to bed (we’re night owls).

DD5 has very good table manners and we only do activities at restaurants to keep her occupied (we have the hugest bag of crafts and colouring that stays in the car) if we can so no iPad (she has it at home, I’m not anti iPad AT ALL, I use it to get a lie in and have done for years 😂).

Developmentally she’s meeting and exceeding in areas so from my viewpoint your HV is talking shit 😂

We only started recently when DD started school, before that she generally had her tea at nursery and just needed a snack later on. Don’t think it did her any harm