How do I stop looking awful all of the time

[redex]

I just look hideous constantly.

I look tired, my hair always looks dull, lifeless and oily no matter what I do to it.

My skin is always full and dry yet greasy looking at the same time.

Whatever make up I apply (cheap or high end) looks shit.

My clothes are awful. I just feel hideous constantly and no matter how much I try, nothing works?!

Good sleep really does help. I find consistent sleep times really helps.

I don’t use conditioner on my scalp/hair roots, maybe try that. Do you have long or short hair? Are you happy with the style, and could you change it by pinning your hair up or back.

The only skincare brand that works for me is Clarins, but it’s expensive. If you can’t/don’t want to spend that amount then brands like Ceravi and Nuxe are good, my DDs use those.

Look through your wardrobe and either remove things you don’t like or concentrate on the things you do like, depending on time constraints.

Try a multi vitamin, speak to a pharmacist if possible about it. One thing I was advised is that all vitamins need fat to help absorption, so should be taken with your main/highest calorie meal.

Are you getting enough sleep?

I have just the one but thankfully

Genuinely there isn't three parts I like / could name and I promise it's not just I'm on low self esteem or have self love but honestly physically, there is zero going on for me...

I do get a good quantity of sleep on a night but in all honesty my quality of sleep is probably quite bad. I am a light sleeper and a bit of an overthinker so I tend to work overtime mentally at bed time

I think I might start with a new moisturiser (probably mid range as some of the more luxurious stuff is a bit out of price range at the mo!). And I think maybe looking at some shampoo too.

Clothes wise I think I need a total overhaul. I don't think I've bought myself anything to wear in a couple of years as everything I buy is for the kids 🙈

I just feel I'm getting to a stage where I don't even try to make effort anymore as it feels wasted as I still look shit so I'm probably at a catch 22!

And sorry forgot to add - I have long hair

Biocare and Solgar are good suppliers of supplements and vitamins. There are so many poor quality ones on the market. Victoria Health is also a good website and can give advice.

Sometimes op trimming an inch or 2 off long hair and layering it slightly, can make it look healthy and bouncy. I also put large rollers in my hair each night and everyone comments all the time on how thick and bouncy my hair is... it's not, it's thin and frizzy if i didn't do this. I also use face scrub daily, and moisturise every night. I apply very light good quality (Dior, MAC, Chanel etc) make up everyday but always make sure my eyes are properly made up with a very very light colour shadow ( think Marilyn M), non clumpy dark dark black mascara lashes and thicken up my eyebrows with a brow pencil ( not too dark as i am blonde). My eyes are green and this combo seems to makes them really stand out- everyone over decades comments on my eyes.

I also think genetics play a part. I drink now but only started drinking alcohol in my late 30's but have smoked for 30 yrs now and are 50. I genuinely do look very late 30's, people are shocked to learn my real age and honestly i have made no lifestyle choices or cosmetic procedures to achieve this. My mum is mid 70's now but looks 50's and has had a very stressful life. I honestly think aging and appearance is is genetic.

I have always have a few key pieces of expensive clothing ( usually coats and shoes) but then cheap and cheerful and mix the two. The one thing i have always invested in since i was a teenager is quality perfume. I have a kind of signature smell that works for me. People always associate the smell with me. All Christian Dior Fragrances over decades.

To see me without my hair and make up done, i look dowdy and frumpy and totally different. When i am done up ( it really does not take long now as i have it timed to a fine art) i still get lots of comments and attention from men and women.

Confidence is the one thing i do have in spades op. I think sometimes i am over confident but suspect this comes from childhood experiences. I have learnt to love myself and have strict boundaries about what i expect from this world and the people in it. I have a very loose stretch marked tummy , big boobs that need a lot of M&S support and are what you may call curvy, not overweight. But , i seem to be curvy in all the right places and my bum is holding up well ( i walk a lot) and since leaving my marriage 6 yrs ago, have no problem in attracting men of all ages.

OP, how you ultimately feel about yourself is, how you will look to the outside world. A few small cosmetic and clothing tweaks will bring out your inner goddess.

Smile more, and act confidently.

Hey OP, recently I switched from wfh to going into the office (new job) and had to overhaul my look which had long been limited to track pants & tees, hair up, no makeup ever.

Since changing to actually dressing for work I have had so many compliments on my appearance so I do think it is possible to make a big change!

I had my hair professionally coloured and cut, I have started getting my nails done regularly, also eyelash tint & brow shaping.

I did a bit of research into what sorts of clothes would flatter my body shape and bought those styles and deliberately chose colours rather than the blacks and navy that I usually go for.

A big part is feeling energetic which is tough if you have little ones. I take weekend naps!

Also exercise is great for sleep patterns, keeping anxiety at bay and giving you a well look. I don’t have a lot of time so I have built walking into my commute by walking the last 3km to work (and back again)

I still wear little makeup but between having nails done and tinting, I feel fairly well groomed. I use a grey eyeliner and a lip tint (Benetint), that’s about it.

Hope this helps!!

I have a question Re all this skij care.... I have tried loads of things and it hasn't made any difference just cost me a lot of money. Yet most men don't do any of these things and they have quite decent skin and age well!

Firstly try not to be too hard on yourself. Having small children is tough!

Then start with one thing first. Exercise likely to make the biggest change but also takes the most effort, so skin and clothes will have the best effort/impact ratio unless you're massively motivated.

You can get lost with all of the lotions and potions around but this is what I do; 1) use a cleanser/balm that you take off with a clean warm flannel (no face wipes or thick cream cleanser); 2) use an exfoliant toner like pixi glo tonic; 3) use a serum that's designed to make you glow (something with vit c good); 4) moisturise.

I've always been fairly good with cleansing and moisturising but adding in the toner and serum for me makes a massive difference.

And yes if you can find the colour shades that really suit you then use them near your face. Even a cheap jumper, scarf or t shirt in the right shade can totally light you up.

You have very young kids and a job OP that is the problem. Mine are 6 and 9 now and I've only recently felt like I look decent again.

Lots of good advice above but most importantly make sure and set aside some time for you (easier said than done I know).

Exercise is key to not looking like a sack of spuds. I didn’t do any for ages then got back into it. Yoga and a few weights routine every other day have given me a waist back and definition to my arms.

Dont beat yourself up! Seriously, once the youngest gets older suddenly you’ll have an hour on Saturday afternoon and find yourself painting your nails casually. You’ll get these little unplanned pockets of time to casually browse shops or online and it just all starts to come together again. I thought I’d aged out of running but it was actually that I couldn’t commit regularly so had got slower through not really doing it regularly- got back to doing park run regularly because it didn’t feel like I was inconveniencing DH (not that he’d mind) by going because the kids do their own cereal and Netflix on a Saturday now.

1. If your hair often looks greasy then just put a tiny but of conditioner at the ends and wash it out thoroughly. Pre book hair appointments every 6 weeks just for a trim if you can afford.

1. Be meticulous about your mouth care, floss, tongue scraper etc... Will instantly give you confidence.

1. Try and find something you find OK about yourself and big that up, do you have nice ankles or strong nails? Buy clothes that accentuate said nice bit.

1. Always, always keep fairly medium-short nails. Don't go for acrylic or anything that looks dirty especially long pointy nails.

1. If you can take out 10 minutes everyday when you wake to do some 'lengthening' exercises you will hold yourself better in a couple of weeks after starting. Find them on YouTube bit really stretching helps your posture.

1. If you are a shaving person then keep regular waxing appointments, if you feel better underneath you will feel better all round.

1. Moisturise your whole body every day with something that smells gorgeous.

1. Face, not sure about this. Hold your head high, smile and possibly have an affair. That helps with the glow.

Learn to love yourself, you sound very harsh on your amazing body which keeps you alive.
Try and think of something about your body/personality that you love each day.

That’s because women use far to much on there skin . All you need is a flannel and cold water to wash with . Then any moisturiser with SPF in it . If you wear make up a gentle remover with soft cotton pads at the end of the night. A dab of eye cream
for bed and that’s it. You don’t need exfoliate and all these mad potions women use now. Also lots of water and a good multivitamin daily 👍🏼

"@Aloneanddontlikeit I have a question Re all this skij care.... I have tried loads of things and it hasn't made any difference just cost me a lot of money. Yet most men don't do any of these things and they have quite decent skin and age well!".

Agree, men age well. They don't give birth or generally carry mental load. Their bodies remain in tact and all buff in the chest and stomach area. 🤭 . Must be something Darwinian about creation of species. Men do age well, annoyingly so. But, it is what us women find attractive. The older they get, the better are sexually too.

Have a booze break.
Drink water.
Liz Earle cleanser.
A good moisturiser or serum that suits your skin.
A good cut and colour or just a good cut.
Vitamin B12 jab. I think it’s around £30 - I haven’t tried it but a colleague swears by it.
Do a bit of exercise- anything you can manage.- I love squats. Posture is important, so is a good bra.
No7 exfoliator- I love it.

Oooh a booze break! You can get a cottage in Salcombe and blend your own gin, or maybe a long weekend in Bordeaux…

Several people in this thread have suggested a really good haircut. How do you know what that means if you have always had a long hair?

Although I suspect that could make a big difference for the op to get started on self-care.

"@ReluctantCourier Oooh a booze break! You can get a cottage in Salcombe and blend your own gin, or maybe a long weekend in Bordeaux…"

No, alcohol massively dries out the skin. Half wine, half water and in moderation , the way forward if you like alcohol and want good skin.

@ReluctantCourier

@redex I agree about genetics and with warm water, gentle soap and a flannel, with eye make-up remover pads first. Followed by a few dabs of basic moisturiser.

A multi vitamin and vit D boost may work wonders.

My tip would be to get your colours done: browns, beige, khaki, yellows, orange make me look deathly. I'm a summer and needs blues, pinks, the right greens, white, Heather's, etc. It works wonders.

Good hairdresser with the right colour. Stand up straight, easy and fast makeup in the right shades.

Dentist, floss, good cleaning.

Good and comfortable shoes. Pinching shoes show on your face.

Good underwear and if you wear dresses, a slip underneath.

The only tip and regret from me, as an oldie, is look after your hands. Handcream used every time you was them.

SPF and not too much sun.

@girl71 hmm. I have had a couple of gins or glasses of wine daily for 40 years. Skin is genetic.

Are you very overweight?

That makes a huge difference