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Original poster

Wedding disappointment - guest were a let down

40 replies

wanta · 20/10/2022 14:59

I went to my brother's wedding a couple of months ago. I was so excited to go and to see everyone and have a really fun day. All the extended family were invited. I did a lot of the wedding organisation as I get on well with my brother, and my brother wanted only a limited structure.

Individually everyone in my family is great.

My mum has two siblings (my aunts) and each sibling has three/four kids. They are all lovely. However, they all stuck to their little families at the wedding. There was open seating and there was one family on one table and another on another. No mixing.

I went round and tried to mix and mingle and although everyone was polite I felt there were more interested in their own individual family. I asked questions and the questions were politely answered and they didn't ask one back, yet they were so enthusiastic to chat with each other.

These families don't all live near by so I understand that this was a catch up for them too but I felt my brother was just paying for these individual family reunions.

I felt no-one there was at all interested in talking to me other than the bride and groom and my mum's best friend. We all get along and everyone is lovely, so it's not as if anything bad has happened.

The guests left fairly early and it was dead by 10pm, no-one really got up on the dance floor, even though I know the bride (who has a tiny family) had a vision of everyone up dancing together.

The bride and groom were rarely mentioned in conversations as I made my way around.

I think the guests let my brother down.

I would have been really disappointed if this was my wedding.

I will get married in about two years time. My partner and I have discussed but no proposal yet. I have always wanted a normal sized family wedding, but I don't feel like one anymore. I didn't feel many people there cared that much about me and my brother, or at least we were lower on the priority list. They are all such lovely people, so it's not at all that they're horrible.

Is this normal at weddings and are my expectations too high?

Should I just have a normal wedding or a micro wedding?

OP posts:
GetRidOfIt · 20/10/2022 15:01

👀 🍿

AnightwiththeTiger · 20/10/2022 15:03

You’re not Irish. That’s what I’ve taken from your post. Our weddings (and funerals) are loooooong affairs. I’d love to be out by 10.

iliketartan · 20/10/2022 15:03

Go with whatever floats your boat but that sounded like a typical wedding to me shrug 🤷‍♂️

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Weddings
SleepingStandingUp · 20/10/2022 15:05

You're upset that at your brothers wedding not everyone was fawning over YOU as you circulated and mingled as tho it was all about you?

Abd you're confused they sat in wider family groups rather than going over to strangers and making small talk?

Have you been to a wedding before+

Yesthatismychildsigh · 20/10/2022 15:05

They probably left early because you were pestering and judging.

TuxedoJunction · 20/10/2022 15:05

What time did the wedding start? Were the drinks free flowing? was it the kind of venue where people could stay over if they wanted?

It sounds like a table-plan mixing everyone up might have been needed here.

TimeforZeroes · 20/10/2022 15:07

I’m really sociable alone but far less so when with my kids. I wonder if this is why weddings often have kids tables.

Anniefrenchfry · 20/10/2022 15:08

Wow. You made this all about you, that’s something else.

Original poster
wanta · 20/10/2022 15:08

@SleepingStandingUp they weren't strangers just differnet parts of they family they were also related to. They would stay with their siblings and not interact much with cousins.

I am not a centre of attention person. Buy my family is very important to me and I like to make conversation. It isn't nice to feel at a family event that no-one would have really noticed if you weren't there other.

@TuxedoJunction I agree a seating plan was needed but the bride and groom thought it would be best to let everyone choose.

OP posts:
SnoozyLucy7 · 20/10/2022 15:08

Blimey, who made you the wedding police! This was wasn’t your wedding and yet you wanted all the attention?

Ohwellwhateverthen · 20/10/2022 15:09

If you wanted people to mix and mingle why go for open seating?

Guiltycat · 20/10/2022 15:09

PLEASE post when it is your wedding. 🍿

The planning, the inevitable bridezilla strop, the disappointment that most people just go to weddings for a bit of a party and because it’s a relation/friend BUT don’t spend the entire (or even most) of the time thinking/talking about or to the couple/head table.

It’s going to be hilarious 😆

Hellosunshine1993 · 20/10/2022 15:10

Also what day of the week was the wedding on? Weekday weddings people usually leave early as have work the next day.

AintNoThang · 20/10/2022 15:10

My questions are

How far did they have to travel
Was it a free bar
What kind of music did you have
What day of the week was it

Anniefrenchfry · 20/10/2022 15:10

Op as long as they were having f fun that’s what matters. They don’t need to mingle like you wish or focus on you. You aren’t even engaged. Look at social events you can sit in any group you wish.

this really wasn’t about you and being the organiser. The bride and groom weren’t let down.

SalviaOfficinalis · 20/10/2022 15:11

Hate to break it to you but weddings are fairly boring.
I’m sure they made the effort to seem enthusiastic when they were chatting to the bride and groom, but they probably didn’t realise you were giving them marks out of 10 so we’re just normal with you.

Seating plans are definitely needed, it’s just awkward otherwise. And seems like they haven’t bothered to think about the guests.

Original poster
wanta · 20/10/2022 15:12

the bride and groom are a lovely and easy going couple. They try and stay positive and we are all the slightly quieter side of the family. After the wedding I helped pack away and I asked the bride and groom how they were feeling. The bride who is very unconfrontational said it would be nice if they had gotten to chat to more people and if people had mixed and danced more. I felt bad for them, but other than this we haven't spoken about it.

It has made me question whether I want one at all.

OP posts:
Keroppi · 20/10/2022 15:12

Sounds like maybe there wasn't enough drink and good tunes 🤣
But it's just mismanaged expectations. Not all families are the get up and dance type. they showed up and were there for their celebration so what can you do!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 20/10/2022 15:13

Was it a weekday event? Did the DJ try and get everyone on the dance floor?

Parky04 · 20/10/2022 15:13

Sounds like a normal wedding to me. I find weddings extremely boring so I would have left by 22:00 as well!

Original poster
wanta · 20/10/2022 15:14

It was a Saturday wedding, there was a playlist that my brother selected with great dance music.

The family are normally up until 3am drinking and partying, so it was a bit of a surprise.

OP posts:
Gazelda · 20/10/2022 15:15

Why on earth did you try to engage the newlyweds in a convo to discuss their disappointing guests on their wedding day?!

Anniefrenchfry · 20/10/2022 15:16

Oh op.

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 20/10/2022 15:16

They were probably bored if they left that early. You're complaining they weren't talking to you but weddings aren't for long catch ups and boring chit chat.

AintNoThang · 20/10/2022 15:18

Did they have a long way to travel?

Was the bar free?

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