Threads you usually know the answer to in half a second flat...

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Without even reading...

Is this suspicious?
Yes

Is this abuse?
Yes

Is he cheating?
More than likely

AIBU not to give £5,000,000 for a wedding gift?
No

Would you see him again?
No

Is this a red flag?
No. It's probably a fucking parachute

Would you have paid this?
Unlikely

Are they / he / she being a CF?
I'd bank on it

Would this give you the ick?
I'm vomiting already

Any others?!

"Could I be pregnant?"
Well ...have you taken a test?
"No"
We're not psychic.

An elderly lady fell over in front of me. WIBU to help her up and check she was OK?

(Hoping for hundreds of 'You sound like a lovely person, OP')

How often do you change your bedding?

EITHER:
(a) every hour
OR
(b) every leap year

There can be no middle ground…

See also how often you should shower/wash clothes!

Also
Op: I'm thinking about getting a dog
MN : it must be a rescue greyhound.

OP: my house is not selling
MN: a) it's too expensive
b) put planters in the front garden
c) remove all evidence that anyone lives there clutter.

Price. Its always price.

(Sometimes it isn't...)

How old do you think I am in this photo?

You are a wrinkled crone and a lot older than you were hoping everyone would say.

Anything driving/parking related: the long story plus diagrams will give the impression the OP was in the right.

Lots of messages in support.

Halfway down the thread, a little dripfeed: 'so I decided I would nip down the one way street/choose the grassed area as no one had parked there'.

Gradual dawning realisation on the thread, that this actually means the OP went the wrong way down a one way street/mounted the kerb and parked on her friend's neighbour's front garden.

Lots of painstaking messages explaining this.

Denial from OP.

Lots of aggressive messages explaining the point.

Hurt message from OP as everyone has turned on her.

Two posters then start a message fight about whether OP should be lynched or reported to the police.

Should I marry him?
No!

I've been in an on/off relationship...

Just ditch him already!

OP: I'm looking for a family holiday in the sun but tied to school holidays and we're on a fairly tight budget- looking for tips/recommendations.

99% of answers will be either:
a) Here's a link to the hotel we always go to, it's a very reasonable £10,000 per week; or
b) I've no idea why people complain about the cost of holidays, we always manage to get 2 weeks in a 4* hotel and never spend more than £1,000 for a family of 4 including everything. Eventually poster responds to large number of requests for details of how and it transpires that they travel outside school holidays and this cost does not include any luggage, transfers or food; or
c) You should go camping in the lake district and forage for your food. Anything else is environmentally unsound, tacky and almost certain to lead to your children becoming drunken louts (unlike my wholesome DC who will definitely spend their teenage years spotting rare plantlife and never want to go near a holiday resort.

So, grazing tables....

They're disgusting. Don't do it, don't eat from it, go to a chip shop on the way home and whilst we're here, you might as well have some tips for getting grease out of your expensive clothes where there are greasy handprints all over the venue and seating.

My cat/dog....and my child. Oh, and I happen to be pregnant as well.

Whatever. You're either trying to justify getting rid of it or not getting rid of it. And we're on a three post countdown for the ALL ANIMALS ARE EVIL AND DIRTY AND I'D KILL THEM ALL IF I HAD A CHANCE posts.

What clothes will make me look...

Cos, Hush, And Other Stories, Arket. Doesn't matter what the question is, we all know that's what you will be told is the answer (and always in the singular, as though everyone is one legged, one eyed, lipped and half trousered). Except if you're over 45, when the odds are you'll be directed towards Phase Eight or Seasalt.

What do you think is overrated. See also what do you hate that everyone else raves about.
Gin, prosecco, coffee, dogs, boden, spa days, hot tubs. Basically a list of things that are hated on MN while in real life no one I knows has an opinion on them.

Could I be pregnant?

Just piss on your keyboard then maybe we can tell

Could I be pregnant? - I have no idea. Do a test, ask a GP

Has anyone ever .... insert something? Well yes of course, millions of people. What's your actual question?

What can I buy for my friend, mother, uncle, neighbour, pet sitter? Or what do teachers like?

We don't know your friend, mother etc. Also, all teachers are different. But they probably don't need 'best teacher' keepsakes and they don't all drink or eat 17 boxes of chocolates.

Is this woman my husband is messaging totally innocent and just friends

NEVER, nope, NO

Any thread where the op expects a basic level of service

She should either be delighted she could even get through the door because just some people can't afford to go somewhere or do something no matter how appalling the service.

Or covid or someones hamster died.

How dare anyone book a restaurant pay a deposit , pre arrange/discuss allergies/dietary requirements and then expect to have a table and for their guests to actually be able to eat the food having been told it was all possible. The cheek...

How much do you need to earn to not have any debt ?

Errrr ....

Women who don't want sex any more - of course you shouldn’t have to have sex if you don't want to, he’ll have to learn to live without it.

Women whose men don’t want sex with them any more - what’s wrong with him? Get him seen to or get a new one.

Yes 😁😁😁😁

What clothes will make me look...

Cos, Hush, And Other Stories, Arket. Doesn't matter what the question is, we all know that's what you will be told is the answer (and always in the singular, as though everyone is one legged, one eyed, lipped and half trousered). Except if you're over 45, when the odds are you'll be directed towards Phase Eight or Seasalt.

Soooo true although I only shop in Cos myself!

AIBU to not be able to save on this salary?

Basically just a boast about how much the OP earns, followed by a list of ridiculous outgoings that don't even add up.

On the last lap of a long and boring journey. Foolishly clicked on the thread about 11 plus maths problems. Now feeling very thick indeed.

The goats in the bathroom may just have saved what's left of my sanity.

I laughed more than I should have at the coat comment. I spent my 30s in the persuit of this mythical item. Now mid 40s, no shits given anymore, I wear what is essentially a waterproof sleeping bag. Look like the michellin man but I'm warm and dry. 😁