Dreading Christmas

[Ilovenotebooks]

My workplace shuts down for 2 weeks over Christmas. I have literally no plans and no money to go anywhere. I'm dreading it. Actual Christmas day should be ok. I'll go to a family member's house for lunch but other than that there is just the dread of nothing to do while everyone else does lovely things. Also hate the dark, cold days and never feel great at that time of year. It'll just be me. I don't have a partner or kids. I'm not religious so church is out.

Op I was like this for years before meeting DH and having DCs. I was in a foreign country, I’d be invited to friends parents houses Xmas day but I only accepted once and didn’t feel comfortable. Was so much harder when no work and I was always skint. I started to enjoy it in the end, I’d stay home, watch my favourite shows, loved old carry on reruns, I’d buy myself a dvd box set as a present to myself, lounge around eating what I wanted, drinking when I felt like it, would make myself a champagne breakfast then snooze for half the day before binge watching something, I’d wander to the shops, read books. The difference with me was it was the middle of summer so I had nice weather but most of the time I’d close the house up because the cicadas were so bloody loud I couldn’t think. One year I got organised and saved for a big holiday over Xmas, did one of those intrepid journey type holidays. I actually got annoyed one year when my flat mates came home early spoiling my quiet time.

Volunteer ! Places are inundated for one session, you've got a good two weeks to help 😀.

I think your local 'meet up' group is a great idea. I'm sure there are lots of people in a similar situation - either on their own at Christmas or keen to get away from their families for an afternoon!

Are there any art galleries or museums near you that you could visit? That's what I used to do in the weird between Christmas and New Year days when it was officially a working day, so some galleries and museums were open. I'd travel into my nearest city- fab to walk around the near-empty streets.

How about going for a countryside walk? Set off early and be back before its dark.

What are your colleagues up to? Do you get on well enough with any of them to suggest meeting up?

OP you haven't said where you are but I saw this on Meetup for people in London, perhaps you could look for your area? It's a group for people who are going to find themselves alone at Christmas.

www.meetup.com/christmasmeet/?_cookie-check=AFNnLQtHBSZiY1jx

Can you think of ways that you can be really kind to yourself and practice some self care over the holidays? I know you said you don't have a lot of money but perhaps just little things every day like baking yourself a cake, a nice bubble bath, a Netflix binge, a walk in the park or maybe visiting somewhere local you've always wanted to go? And you could spend the time thinking about ways you could meet people next year, maybe some hobbies you'd like to try.

I volunteer for a homeless charity who have a waiting list by the end of January for Xmas day volunteers, so although you could still enquire it may be that they won't be looking for anyone at this point in the year.

I'm so sorry you're dreading it. Sometimes things we're dreading turn out to be not as bad as we'd feared. Keep posting on here as you'll find plenty of friendly support and ignore the snark. x

Don't forget that many people are back at work Boxing Day anyway.
Not everyone is sitting round with mulled wine being happy.
Take yourself out round the shops. Apart from bedraggled tinsel and warring couples it'll be like any other day.
It's not a festive period any more.

I'll tell you from experience it would be worse if you did have a child and nobody else.
Been there. Nightmare.

What do you normally do with annual leave - could you go on holiday somewhere nice? Do you ski? You can get trips for singles where you get to hang out with a group of other singles in a chalet. Or go and lie on a beach somewhere warm for a week with a stack of books?

If you are an animal lover help out at a sanctuary or ask friends or family if the need a pet minding or dog walking service.

Do you know anybody in your workplace that also lives alone and could be happy to meet for a walk/coffee/lunch? Or could you invite the family member you're seeing on Christmas Day back to yours for a meal on another day?

It's really not good for your kids that this happens. They need to know that you have boundaries.

Definitely look into volunteering. Also you don't have to be religious to get involved in church events, several people at ours aren't but join in various events for the company and fun of it. Maybe speak to the family you have lunch with and tell them how you're feeling? Maybe once they know they'll make more time for you? Would suggest going away but if money is tight maybe make a positive plan for the year ahead, I hope you do have a nice one, no one should be alone at Christmas

I did leave him! But I don't want to derail the OP's thread so will shut up now.

Well, that’s a very odd thing to choose to do. You realise you could just NOT do that?

OP two weeks off work with no plans sounds like bliss. Go and explore the country. I love being by the coast in winter, it can be beautiful and dramatic.

As other have said, do some volunteering.

Join a club.

Do some exercise.

Your options are limitless.

I'd also recommend Meet Up. Join now and see what's happening now, maybe get to an event or two before Christmas to warm up and possibly meet some friends. My local one has a lot going on in thoes two weeks as many people are in a similar position.

I understand the dread of being alone when it isn't really your choice. It can be crushing, but you do have the power to make it better. How about getting a notebook and writing down every suggestion in this thread, even if it doesn't appeal. Add some ideas of your own.

You could do something that is hard to do with ppl about- like a tiered fitness programme or teach yourself a new skill with YouTube? (I want to master digital painting on procreate but knitting etc?) if you’re absorbed in a personal project you can see progress you might not feel lonely or notice all the hype :)

im also dreading it btw. My daughter is with her dad and my step-son’s mum is refusing to share Christmases any more so DH is weighing up whether to go to court or whether that’d be more stressful for his son- either way, I’m not sure he’ll be particularly bright on the day. No extended family for either of us so our Christmases just don’t look like that adverts I guess

Oh and just to add that in the past actually, the Christmases I’ve dreaded have been ok and I’ve felt ok after. The ones I’ve been amped for have on occasion been harder to deal with, actually. It’s all over hyped- realistic expectations are key!

I used to feel like that. Now I have a husband, little kids, too much to do, and I fear I will never have 'empty' time again! I regret seeing time as something to dream rather than enjoy, but I do get it. Can you make a list of things you'd like to achieve? Do an online course maybe, reach an exercise goal, do aomw volunteering at a charity shop, go and explore a new city, take up a fitbess challenge, join an art course, or even take yourself on holiday (that's what I did one year- I was miserable but at least I got some sunshine and came home with a tan!).

Agree with some PP if anyone even hinted they were alone for Christmas I would accommodate them. Can you let people know? Poor you. I've got the opposite problem it's the only time of the year my dh can get two weeks off for a much needed holiday and my work won't let me have it.

Join nextdoor.com and offer your services as a Christmas dog / cat sitter. Loads of people looking for this service in my area. You get a change of scene and may get to stay in someone’s lovely house. You’d make some
money, too.

You could take the dogs for long walks over the break. Nothing like coming home after a long, chilly walk, kicking your boots off and having something lovely to drink and eat and watching some tv. Great way to pass the time.

Good luck. I hope you find something fulfilling to do

Could you skip it? Go on a cruise? A holiday…

Work in a pub/shop via agency work. Register now…

Volunteer. Charities are not overrun especially on festive days.

Nursing homes, rescue centres, volunteer at a church…. You don’t need to be religious.

Or have a massive winter clean /tidy/clear out.

I'm the same OP. My work shuts for 2 weeks and I always struggle. It's dark and shit weather so going out and about isn't that fun and there's only so many "treats" and "snuggles with a duvet" you can have at home before it gets very tedious on your own.

Plan a treat daily at home.
Do you have friends you can meet up with?
Can you stay at the family member's house on Xmas day itself so that kills Boxing Day too?

volunteer at an animal shelter maybe? Walking a dog - fresh air and cuddles? A lot of self care…whatever makes you feel better. And if you’re not sure what that is enjoy finding out! Sometime reframing can help? I’m alone/I’m not feeling awful because I’m with people who treat me badly? Sending you lots of hugs and a handhold 🤗

Well it doesn't sound like bliss if you are already on your own a lot anyway and if you are dreading being on your for two weeks yet again with the soul crushing loneliness that comes with it.

Thinking of you, @Ilovenotebooks . Christmas can be so crap.