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Original poster

I feel trapped like a hamster on a wheel

44 replies

NeedMoreFluffyBlankets · 13/10/2022 07:44

I'm having one of those weeks where the thought of getting myself through another day of work feels impossible. This stage comes with every role I've ever had and I've only had 9 years of full time working since uni so it's not looking good. I absolutely detest that working is such a huge part of life. It makes me feel so trapped and cornered. Does anyone else think about it, almost philosophically in this way?

No I don't expect the benefit system to prop me up (before someone suggests that), and I KNOW you have to pay your way in life but I just hate it.

I look at enthusiastic young people excited about selecting courses and unis etc. and just feel sorry for them that they have no idea what's coming. The soul destroying 35-40 hour week for the next gazillion years. People in my workplace look broken and fed up. But nobody really talks about it. I am green with envy of those people retiring. Yes they've earned it and given their slave labour, but God I wish it was me.

I know there's not much advice, it is what it is. It just makes me so sad.

OP posts:
Boxin · 13/10/2022 07:49

Yeah, I saw one of those slightly cheesy facebook posts recently - we are made for more then to work, pay bills and die.
So true.
I dream of a simpler life, I’m working towards going self employed and working flexibly as a start.

CanYouFeelMyHeart · 13/10/2022 07:51

You need a job that you love!

SunnieShine · 13/10/2022 07:55

I was thinking "hamster wheel" yesterday - and I like my job on the whole. Its just that one day/week runs into the next. That's life, I guess...

Wailywailywaily · 13/10/2022 07:55

You do have a few choices depending on your skills
find a company you love and move jobs
set out on your own, consultant? Advisor, own business
retrain
save like hell and retire early

Original poster
NeedMoreFluffyBlankets · 13/10/2022 08:00

@Wailywailywaily I understand what you're saying but it's more than that. I just don't want to have to do it.

OP posts:
Ledkr · 13/10/2022 08:03

I feel.the same..and I'm.now in my fifties and still have years left whilst watching people younger than me in the same job retire.
I work Mon to Fri and live for the weekends but then feel.like I'm wishing my life away. Youngest child is still only 11 so I have a long way to go before I can find a way of slowing down a bit.

Wailywailywaily · 13/10/2022 08:04

It’s ok to just moan about your situation I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️

U2HasTheEdge · 13/10/2022 08:06

CanYouFeelMyHeart · 13/10/2022 07:51

You need a job that you love!

I'm not sure there are many people who love their job so much that they wake up happy and excited to do it 5 days a week, or whatever.

I love aspects of my job, and I wouldn't want to do anything else, but I do at times resent the fact that it takes up a massive chunk of my life.

I would love more time to read, crochet, see friends and spend time with my kids and grandson. In the evenings I am exhausted from the nature of my job, and weekends go so quickly. I also have chronic insomnia, so hate I how I can't stay in bed in the mornings when I have not even been asleep for long.

It's not the job that is the problem, it's the time I have to spend doing it.

stickygotstuck · 13/10/2022 08:08

I get you OP.

I'd just add that the 'setting up on your own for the flexibility' idea is a huge double edged sword, totally dependent on your sector and your personal circumstances.

That's what I did and there is no letup. In my industry you have to be at the end of the email, ready to drop any personal plans at the drop of a hat. I'd rather know that I'll be working 40 hours and then I'm free. And it does not pay well, no sick or holiday pay, and the rates are going down globally. I'm an expert at what I do but can't afford to make a living from it anymore.

SkankingWombat · 13/10/2022 08:11

I agree with Wailywailywaily. You have options! Work may never be wonderful and enjoyable for you, but it should at an absolute minimum be manageable and tolerable.
Out of interest, if you didn't have to work how would you choose to spend your days?

Tumbleweed101 · 13/10/2022 08:43

Yes agree. More recently in particular I'm just tired, bored and burned out and resent that I have to spend so much time working just for the basics in life.

If I could afford not to go to work I'd spend my time making a cosy home, baking and cooking more, gardening, nice walks, writing books and travelling. I most certainly wouldn't be bored, there is so much to do in the world if you are lucky enough to have time and money.

CanYouFeelMyHeart · 13/10/2022 08:52

I get you @U2HasTheEdge but I emphatically don't want to crochet or read more. I love my job because it's mine and I'm not a mother or a wife while I'm doing it. I'm a different me. It gives me energy, it doesn't suck up my energy.

beonmywaythen · 13/10/2022 08:53

I feel the same. My husband and I are basically half retired at 35. We had high paying jobs for our 20's and then downsized from london to start a family and reduce expenses. We watch our money and earn enough to cover our outgoings. We have some savings for a rainy day. Life doesn't have to be the hamster wheel. We're very fortunate but it is possible!

beonmywaythen · 13/10/2022 08:54

stickygotstuck · 13/10/2022 08:08

I get you OP.

I'd just add that the 'setting up on your own for the flexibility' idea is a huge double edged sword, totally dependent on your sector and your personal circumstances.

That's what I did and there is no letup. In my industry you have to be at the end of the email, ready to drop any personal plans at the drop of a hat. I'd rather know that I'll be working 40 hours and then I'm free. And it does not pay well, no sick or holiday pay, and the rates are going down globally. I'm an expert at what I do but can't afford to make a living from it anymore.

Are you in communications/pr by any chance? I'm thinking of going out on my own... this scares me a bit!

Needhelp101 · 13/10/2022 08:57

OP, read How to be a Free-range Human, by Marianne Cantwell. Could give you some ideas on how to escape the rat race.

I'd also recommend Get Out While You Can (a bit dated but the principles remain the same).

MistsofAvalon · 13/10/2022 09:01

Yes, feel the same and have done ever since I first started work.

Now as I turn 50 I feel frustrated and a sense of failure that I've never been able to reconcile this part of my life.

Luredbyapomegranate · 13/10/2022 09:01

Can you say a bit more about what you do, what you don’t like about it, and what your skills and experience are?

Not everyone can love work, but it would be good to try and improve it if you can since you have to spend so much time doing it.

concernedalot · 13/10/2022 09:22

I agree OP it's relentless. I've tried looking for other jobs but they all sound so boring and complicated. The place I work now is like a prison with lots of arrogant managers who make petty rules and get joy out of enforcing them. But I wonder are most workplaces the same? I'd probably be just as fed up somewhere else. Anything which pays half decent money looks so uninspiring.

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 13/10/2022 09:30

Completely agree, there’s no need for a lot of people to be working the hours they do. Life should involve a lot more resting and downtime. Have you read the four-hour work week? I haven’t but a friend used to wax lyrical about it. I think the premise is finding ways to earn passive income.

PauliesWalnuts · 13/10/2022 09:50

I’m starting to feel like this. I’m 50 and had tentative plans to retire at 62, and had enough pension and lump sum to do this if I stayed at the same place. But now my employers are going to move us from final salary to career average pension and change the terms so we don’t get the same lump sum and the retirement age is being pushed back to state pension age. I haven’t worked there long enough to continue with my previous plans. The thought of another 17 years on that hamster wheel makes my blood run cold.

AlisonDonut · 13/10/2022 10:05

PauliesWalnuts · 13/10/2022 09:50

I’m starting to feel like this. I’m 50 and had tentative plans to retire at 62, and had enough pension and lump sum to do this if I stayed at the same place. But now my employers are going to move us from final salary to career average pension and change the terms so we don’t get the same lump sum and the retirement age is being pushed back to state pension age. I haven’t worked there long enough to continue with my previous plans. The thought of another 17 years on that hamster wheel makes my blood run cold.

Have you taken legal advice on this, I know they can do it for new staff but I know colleagues that have final salary pensions because they were employed before they changed. Please take advice on this, as a group, don't let them just take this away from you.

AlisonDonut · 13/10/2022 10:06

OP - what is it you do?

What would you do with your days if you weren't working? Whatever that is, is there a way to make enough income from it?

TwoTimTams · 13/10/2022 10:11

I’m the same, What I’d recommend is to find something outside work you love doing and focus on that. Work is just to pay the bills. And if you can afford to work shorter work days do it, once you get used to less money it can be ok.

PauliesWalnuts · 13/10/2022 10:17

@AlisonDonut - yeah we’re going through a whole consultation process at the moment. Final salary will be protected, but that’s not much help to an early retirement when you’ve only got four years worth. I have another 15 years of various pensions that I’ll try and move across to buy extra service if that works out to be sensible, and I know that we are lucky to have what will still be a good pension, but it wasn’t just about the money for me. My family don’t tend to live long (nuclear family all died before they even claimed a pension) so I’d like to start living without working sooner rather than later if that makes sense?

Motheroftweenagers · 13/10/2022 10:20

Going out on my own was a life saver for me, especially with the halfway house of contracting as a fallback. You can work towards that as a long-term plan if your skills/circumstances permit.
It is horrible when the reality hits of how long working life really is, but it often ends up with more twists and turns (much like life really) than you expect.