I feel trapped like a hamster on a wheel

[NeedMoreFluffyBlankets]

I'm having one of those weeks where the thought of getting myself through another day of work feels impossible. This stage comes with every role I've ever had and I've only had 9 years of full time working since uni so it's not looking good. I absolutely detest that working is such a huge part of life. It makes me feel so trapped and cornered. Does anyone else think about it, almost philosophically in this way?

No I don't expect the benefit system to prop me up (before someone suggests that), and I KNOW you have to pay your way in life but I just hate it.

I look at enthusiastic young people excited about selecting courses and unis etc. and just feel sorry for them that they have no idea what's coming. The soul destroying 35-40 hour week for the next gazillion years. People in my workplace look broken and fed up. But nobody really talks about it. I am green with envy of those people retiring. Yes they've earned it and given their slave labour, but God I wish it was me.

I know there's not much advice, it is what it is. It just makes me so sad.

Ive felt like that at various times. Been working for 33 years! Always resented the fact it's not optional . However, i do a worthwhile job that I love. But, big but, the salary for an employee in my profession is piss poor so I took the leap and went self employed at the start of the year and it was the best thing I ever did. I'm making almost double what I could as an employee, the fact that I finally feel I'm being paid my worth makes every day so much easier and the obvious perk of complete flexibility and choice as to when/how much I work.

While furloughed during covid. I realised I could actually afford to live on a lot less money.
So I never went back full time and just adjusted my lifestyle accordingly.

I could absolutely never work FT week in year out - I've worked FT a lot in the past, but it's almost always been non M-F 9-5. For example, 48 hrs a week in a homeless hostel (2x24-hr shifts), or three nights a week shelf stacking... I'm a night owl and would go mad (and almost have) with relentless M-F 9-5 work.

It's embarrassing in a way, and it's not something I say IRL as I worry it makes me sound precious - 'I can't possibly work 9-5 like other ppl!' But the times I've tried it, or have tried 'settling down' with a partner, it doesn't work.

However (and I'm only saying this in the hope it might give you ideas), I've set my life up so I don't have to work like that. I'm single and childless by choice, and the only property I've bought is a static caravan, where I stay in between bouts of travelling. (The travelling isn't as glam as it might sound; I've WFH for years, so basically just work somewhere else in the world for a bit.)

As above, I'm only saying this in the hope it might give you ideas; my life certainly isn't rosy all the time. I've had major depression since my teens, and often have sleep issues to the point I can't function. (This is mostly why I freelance/WFH.) Sometimes I'm lonely, and often I think it'd be lovely to have my own house with garden and be able to have pets, like pretty much everyone I know who's my age (mid 40s). But I decided in my twenties that for me, 'occasional loneliness is the price of freedom', and overall I'm pretty happy with my life. I saw a piece in the Guardian this week about ppl who've had 'gap years' after 60 - while I'm some years off that, it did make me think that I've set my life up as a permanent gap year. Which means I've had a few spiteful comments over the years, along the lines of 'Well it's OK for you, you're off to Thailand for six months'. But as I never point out, most people could do that if they really want to! But can't in real terms because of mortgages/kids.

The last straw for me was going into work one Monday when I literally hadn't slept at all the night before - I decided that sometimes being skint/ not having a 'career' job / not having a nice house and a few pets is preferable to that awful sick feeling every morning at having to go into work in a job I hate. After a few awful episodes of poor mental health, where I was suicidal, I now guard my mental health fiercely. Maybe you don't have to do the 9-5, OP?

I know that "trapped" feeling and being resentful!
In 3 years I could apply for early retirement which is very tempting.
The thought of working until official retirement age of 62.5 makes me want to puke.
How to cope in the interim?
Develop interests and make the most of free time and weekends.
Get things in your diary: a concert, a game of tennis, a break away...

I really admire you setting up your life the way you want. I have similar plans for the future, getting a small tiny house on wheels, and living very simply without a big mortgage hanging over my head, and enjoying more free time.

I do think people look down on those of who choose not to go after a big career, because that's what we are supposed to aim for - but I've realise I don't care about a fancy job title or new cars or holidays every year, I want to enjoy my day to day life. I never understand people who say things like 'oh I couldn't ever not work, I wouldn't know what to do with myself'. I'm the opposite, I have lots of interests. and love pottering around and can easily fill my time happily.

Although at the moment I am caring for elderly parents, so it's not possible. I'm currently working part time in a job I don't really enjoy but it's easy and I can WFH, however in the next year or so when my parent goes into a nursing home I really can't stomach going back to full time work. I'm dreading it.
And caring itself is hugely draining and difficult, as my father has dementia and doesn't know me anymore, but at least I feel like it's something worthwhile and far more rewarding than any office job.

You are not alone OP - I have worked for more than 20 years, always in office jobs, because I guess that's just what you do really (or in my family it's what we were told to do). I never had the inspiration to do something more interesting, and I admire people who went for passion jobs, but while I have hobbies and interests they wouldn't make a good career and nobody would pay me for them really.
But corporate life doesn't suit me at all, I hate the routine and the bullshit and the endless meetings and feeling like your life is wasting away looking at spreadsheets.

Totally understand. I was feeling that I didn't want to continue with life, a few years ago. The drudgery of work, eat, sleep etc. It isn't just about the job, it's the 'have to' and the restrictions it places on what you can do and when.

So I started temping then travelling, temping then travelling. Covid put a stop to that and I've had a full time job since first lock down, but luckily they will let me work from home and they just let me get on with it.

I have more flexibility and freedom now. It isnt perfect but its better than it was.

I feel EXACTLY the same. I left a toxic industry recently. So many attempted suicides and MH issues and the company only had 21 staff.

The same industry is well known for their 6 year degree, billable hours, high pressure and eventually.... suicide.

@beonmywaythen No, not PR but comms/content related.
There are barely any in-house roles anymore in this industry. So the level of competition for freelancers is fierce.

Looks like you have managed to tailor your working life to your needs. Well done.

I oftern wonder if people who can't manage your usual 9-5, or find it extremely difficult, are wired differently. Like PPs here mentioning suicide attempts, depression etc because of the hours and the feeling of being trapped (not necessarily because the work for a horrible company with horrid people).

It's hard to explain, but I find I need so much more 'down' time than other people. Some people just do.

Thank you all so much for your posts. I survived another day.

To those who asked what I'd do if I wasn't working? I enjoy walking, being with my dog, reading, pottering about.

Interesting reading the post about a childfree set up. I am very much considering whether motherhood is for me at the moment and a large part of that is the burden it brings of earning money, extra costs etc. If I'm truly honest with myself I think I would feel even more trapped and cornered and that isn't fair on any hypothetical child. Combined with the guilt of bringing them into a world where they too will become a hamster on a wheel, I am trying to be as honest with myself as possible rather than looking at all the lovely bits.

I also relate to the comments about poor mental health. It makes me feel suicidal to think about how many years left of working I have. I do struggle with bouts of depression and work (not necessarily the specific role, but just the need to work) has always played a part in that.

My role isn't awful, I work with lovely people for decent money so in many ways I am incredibly lucky. But it doesn't change the fact that I feel miserable to the core about it all.

stickygotstuck
It's hard to explain, but I find I need so much more 'down' time than other people. Some people just do.

I think there is definitely something in this. Some people are just better at coping with those environments than others. A good friend of mine is a financial manager, and kind of hates her role, but likes the big salary and perks, and accepts the stress and long hours in exchange for the nice lifestyle it brings.
I just don't think I could do that for years and not have it eat away at me.

I have had several different corporate roles over the years, but never really progressed ‘up the ladder’ as such, even though a few times my managers have said we’ll get you trained up on such and such, and you will be promoted in a few years. I used to feel so anxious at the thoughts of more responsibility, and more of my time and mental energy given to something I don’t really care about. I sat in countless meetings thinking ‘what the hell are we even doing here, this is bullshit’. So I avoided going for better jobs, because I didn't want more hassle.

I think it’s just me, how I’m wired - I’m more of an introvert anyway, and can fake it for a bit, but always feel so drained by the expectations, the demands on my time, and just having to be somewhere, in the same building, the same place, for months and years on end, feeling a bit like a robot. Even with nice colleagues and good perks and a decent salary it’s just soul destroying.
With certain jobs, you never feel like you really accomplish anything, I think 'hamster on a wheel' is a very apt description. In a previous job I used to dread the dozens of emails I would come in to in the mornings, and constantly felt like I got nowhere.
And I wasn’t doing anything really meaningful. Strip away the fancy job titles and the layers and many of us are simply making money for a company or shareholders. Not exactly life affirming stuff.

I also don't have children, never wanted them. That's not the reason why, but I agree that they would bring extra pressure to provide for them. So in a way I'm fortunate that I have more freedom to choose something a bit different.

I also just wanted to say that I think it really depends on the type of work or environment you are in. Years ago while travelling abroad I did volunteer work on farms, where the work itself was tiring, messy, difficult etc. but I really enjoyed it - I got out in nature everyday, I got to work with animals, I felt like I was doing something useful and practical and felt more fulfilling than any office job.
I have also volunteered in animal shelters and loved my time there, again even though it's not glamorous work. Partly it was because I was volunteering, there wasn't much pressure either.
What I'm saying is that it's not that I don't want to work at all, I just resent spending so much of my time working for someone else, following their schedule, and feeling like the work has no real intrinsic meaning or fulfilment for me.

I work full time and don't feel like this. I do feel incredibly busy because of the combination of job + primary aged children, and the job is demanding. However at the same time I love my job and I'm highly motivated most of the time. I believe the work I do is meaningful and can have a big impact on people's lives. It is also creative and crucially I work with a great team (well mostly). There are plenty of challenges and things to moan about along the way, but overall working is a very positive experience for me.

My challenge really is to switch off from work and relax more in my free time.

It doesn't have to be that way. Your life is the result of choices you make. So make different choices.
Go live in a different country for a bit.

I understand OP

It's not the job that is the problem, it's the time I have to spend doing it.

This ⬆️ is the problem. I deliberately kept my life small and simple. It means I don't have to work more than 35hrs a week. I found that's my limit, any more and I'm miserable. I need downtime. I only do jobs I can switch off from when I leave.

I don't live in a fancy property or go on holiday or have much money, but I'm happy getting out into the countryside and reading library books. One of the worst things is the retirement age keeps getting pushed back. It's disheartening to think you're one year closer then the government changed it again. Currently it's 68 for me.

That’s why I work part time. There’s no job in this world that I would enjoy. I like the flexibility. I can arrange doctor appts, hospital appts, go shopping, days out, dentists etc. when you die they’ll just replace you.

I started work at 16 and have hated it every day since. I've always felt like a 'wage-slave' and will never amount to much. It has definitely sapped some of the happiness from life.

Philip Larkin talked about "That great toad Work that squats on all our lives". I really sympathize. I do like my job, mostly. It involves problem-solving, which is quite satisfying. But it does feel like life passes by while you're sitting in the office.

Sometimes it helps me to throw myself at the weekend - do a long hike or cycle, in awful weather with not enough food and unsure of where you'll sleep, so that by Monday morning a warm bed and routine suddenly seem appealing again. Not very compatible with child-rearing though.

There's a quote somewhere (which I'm probably going to butcher) which says something like - if work was so great, the aristocracy would have kept it for themselves.

I'm sure many vocational roles give a lot of satisfaction, and it's easy to say if you hate your job, just retrain into something more interesting. But I don't have the money to pay for another degree, nor the time to spend another 4 years studying something to start in again at the bottom on barely above minimum wage.