Do your kids have a 4 year age gap?

[salemsongbird]

Struggling to conceive a second - multiple miscarriages before our first DC and have just lost another recently.
I always wanted 3 years or less between kids because that's what everyone seems to have and I so want them to get on.
If we even manage to have another, the age gap will be in the ballpark of 4 years.

I don't have any friends with this age gap - all are either much smaller or way way bigger with second marriage kids.

Can anyone share their experience of a 4-ish year age gap? Do they get along?

From another point of view there's 4 years between me and my sister, we've always been very close, I loved having her to look up to and teach me things and I think she enjoyed being able to play with dolls and do 'young' things a little bit longer with me.

Wishing you all the best.

There is 4 yrs 7 mths between my youngest two. It's the better gap in my opinion (previous gap 2 yrs 9 mths). Old enough to be helpful, like keep baby entertained in bouncy chair whilst cook their tea. Little one turned into a bit of a clown as brothers laughed at him so he performed more🤡😂 they are all adults now but younger two are best mates, together most days for some part of it. Good luck💐

I have 3, 4 years between 1&2 and 4.5 years between 2&3. I love it. I found the baby stage so much better with a semi self sufficient 4 year old each time. The oldest and youngest are boys and the youngest LOVES the oldest. 1&2 squabble but I think that's because number 1 is 12 and at that selfish teenager age.
2&3 get on really well (3 is 4 in January) they play together made up games which is lovely.
I think it's a great age gap

10 and 6 here. They're really good friends, still share a bedroom (through choice) and can frequently be found giggling together under one or the other of their duvets late at night 😂

It's lovely. And I was never worried about it - DSis and I are 4 years apart and although we weren't close during our teens, we're now incredibly close. She's one of my best friends.

Yes! The 11 year old loves to pretend she's just humouring the 7 year old when playing with her but, I think, she secretly loves being 7 again!

4 years 9 months between my DS’s. They adore each other and the eldest is very tolerant with him. Im currently pregnant with DC3 and there will be 4 years and a month between my youngest two. I couldn’t cope with less of an age gap!!

Yeah. Well two years between my older two, then four gap for kid #3.

It's wonderful and they really look after her. Middle kid still plays happily with youngest but does get fed up every so often and escapes to her bedroom!

3.5 years between mine and they love each other. Most of the time. They play, fight, cuddle, ignore. Much the same as most siblings I think! DSD is 11 years older than my youngest and 8 years old than my oldest and loves them both, I think she secretly likes playing with the youngsters again, being able to be young and daft again herself.

Good luck with it all lovely, be gentle with your heart x

4 year age gap here between DD and DS, by choice as our flat was too small to have 2 DC so waited until we could move to a house before TTC.

Same as others have posted, having DD start school when DS was newborn was brilliant. DD was able and willing to help with her brother and has always stayed the same. They are 18
and 14 now and still quite close. There have been times where they've grown apart - when DD was 12/13 and DS was 8/9 but they reconnected and I can't see it changing.

I'd much prefer a 4 year gap than 2. My DSIL had 2 under 15 months and I was always in awe how she managed!

4.5 years (due to fertility treatment). They are 13 and 18.
Presently seems to be a big gap because ones an adult but at other times it didn't seem so big. I do think personality is part of the reason it's never been an issue. Also they're was never any competition because they're always at different stages, the little one idolises the older and really misses them when the eldest is at the girlfriends/out with friends/working.
I always wished for a closer age gap but it wasn't meant to be, but it's been absolutely fine.
In contrast I have a sibling 4 years difference in age and we don't see each other (mostly down to personality).

4.5 years here...

I had wanted a smaller gap because I wasn’t keen on the idea of DC1 going to school then getting ‘thrown’ straight back to square one with nappies/night feeds etc. But it actually suited me really well. I loved the fact I had 6 hours a day in term time to have the one-to-one with my second baby like I’d had with my first. It also meant I could get on with jobs when baby napped as there wasn’t a toddler demanding my attention. I could plan days around just having a little baby in town rather than a baby+toddler. In hindsight I don’t think I would have coped well with two at home together.

DC1 was also at a lovely age to understand and really doted on their baby sibling which was adorable.

They are now 6 and 10 and get on well, the gap does seem to close as time goes on. I don’t really consider it as ‘big’ gap to be honest.

Mine have a 5 year gap. Lots of bonding time with the baby while the older one is at school.

As they get older the gap is a bit harder such as entertaining them in different ways but they love each other so much! They are now 3 and 8 I'm more worried about 12 and 17!

Our age gap between our two girls is 3 years and 9 months, they're now 5 and almost 2 and they get on so well together the age gap between them really isn't a problem to them. Siblings love each other no matter of the age gap op put less pressure on yourself 😊 xx

I used to be a live in nanny for a family (still heavily involved). The children with the 4 year gap got on better, always did, than the ones with a 2 and a half year gap. It worked out trolly well as the 4 year old went to school so the youngest could have some one to one time. Obviously there's some difficulties with activities but you wouldn't know now.

OP, I am sorry for your losses. There are smaller gaps between my children - but what I can say, having seen every possible permutation under the sun (my children are now adults), is that whether siblings 'get on' is nothing to do with age and everything to do with personality. I personally liked having mine close together, but that was all about me: they have fought tooth and nail, and still do now!

Mine are almost exactly 4 years apart. Dd is now 12 and ds is 8. They have a really good relationship because they have their own lives (the only time they squabble a bit is when trapped in a car on a 13 hour holiday drive 😅). As they've grown they have actually got more in common...both like drawing and making, both great at swimming and love playing video games together /minecraft. It has actually extended dd's childhood I think, while ds is very level headed for his age. I think it's a good age gap. They help each other out.

I have a number of examples of this too. The 2 year age gap I think is quite a challenge as there is quite a lot of competing for attention.

We have a 5 yr gap almost to the day - 14 and 9. Both IVF so I know where you are coming from. When my son was born the age gap was great as he got a lot of 1:1 as his sister was at school. They get in really well all things considered. The only real issue is now they're older it can be difficult to accommodate the likes of both - films, days out etc. however, ultimately whatever gap there is I think you work with it and make it a success! Good luck!

Mine have 3y8m between them, they are both adults now and get on well, they talk far more to each other than they do to us.

The youngest didn't go to university in the end but when I saw how much it cost with the eldest I was pleased that we wouldn't be facing them both going at the same time.

Yes and was great when they were small as eldest started school when youngest was 3 months so had quality time with both. Eldest was old enough to go toilet etc herself so was fine while i was feeding.

Downsides are a bit more apparent now they are 7 and 11 and eldest has started secondary. They want to do different things and are very much at different stages so hard to keep entertained . Also youngest gets upset and lonely when eldest goes out as she cant go out alone.

Generally though the gap has worked and i don't think i could have coped with 2 close together.

Mine have 3 years 7 months and they get on so well but aren't competitive. It's great

Mine are 3 yr 8 months (though it is 4 school years) and get on very well. DS (10) calls her his second Mum. In fact he gets on better with her than his friends do with their sisters of a smaller age gap because she is more likely (nearly 14) to mother him than his friends sister. Even if they are both the same height at 5 ft 2!

I mean they do have their moments but that is down to being opposite sex siblings and nothing to do with the increased age gap!

I also struggled to conceive DC2. There’s a year and 2 months between mine.

Not how I planned it but it’s great. They are currently almost 6 and 22 months.

My eldest was big enough to entertain himself a bit when I had baby. Now in the morning he will occasionally make her cereal or toast while I get dressed. They hang out together. Little one always insists on treat for the big one when they get one.

can see a small issue in a few years when big doesn’t want soft play or whatever but will figure that out as we come to it

little one is also very adventurous as wants to do whatever the big one does

4yrs here too. It was perfect for me, eldest started school as soon as the baby was born. Had lots of one on one time with baby and was able to do the school run on my maternity leave. Eldest was old enough to help out fetching nappies etc and didn't need watching as intensely as a younger child.

4.5 years between my two boys. It was wonderful for me when they were younger (oldest at school, etc) but they never really bonded. But that might just be their personalities? DS1 is a bit aloof to DS2, which is heartbreaking because DS2 idolises him.