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Original poster

I'm being precious but I need to moan about my young colleagues

41 replies

DelightfullyPrecious · 10/10/2022 20:07

I've name changed so I can be as candid as I want in my moan. I work for a really big company and today we had a grad intake welcome day. In my team, I'm the youngest (I'm in my late twenties) and the most junior so I was asked to volunteer to facilitate, mostly because about half of the grads have joined our department and will therefore be people we come into contact with.

My team is a highly specialised (and skilled) team, whereas the grads and anyone joining the department as an apprentice etc. will be a generalist for the first few years of their career, at least until they have a professional qualification and a bit of experience. I'm in a more senior role, although very much in the middle of the hierarchy.

All the new grads were lovely. Interested in what I did in my role, asking how they can get involved and generally just seemed to be getting a lot out of the day. I really enjoyed facilitating for them.

The existing junior colleagues, on the other hand, annoyed me. Over lunch and during the downtimes we spent some time together. I hadn't met a number of them, especially the school leaver apprentices or grads who had joined in the last year or so, so I did a lot of the general introductions and finding out what people were working on etc. Things that wound me up included:

  • I asked someone what they did and they told me they were about to move into a team in the department that I support as technical specialist. I said that sounded great, we'd probably cross paths as I deliver XYZ for the team. I was then given a bit of a speech about how they really should have been placed in that team from the off as they'd studied a module on it at university. I said that sounds great because I know the team have recently won work in that area, which was answered with 'yeah of course I know, I've actually got a call with Mrs A tomorrow about that. Do you know Mrs A? She's actually just been promoted'. - I know A very well, which would have been overwhelmingly clear to anyone who had listened to anything I'd said previously.
  • Someone (who has received written and verbal training/ briefings I've delivered) who mentioned a new joiner to our team and said 'It must be good for you, having someone who has actually got experience in that industry in the team'. They at least had the grace to look a bit embarrassed when I replied I'd actually worked in that industry for four years before my current role.
  • Another person who complained they'd been dragged into a team doing quite boring work, and I said I sympathised because I'd spent the first few years of my career doing that exact thing. They must've just listened, eyes glazed, because they narrated all the very boring procedures they have to perform and gave me a run down of exactly why they had to do it. I said 'I know' quite a bit.

I came away feeling quite pissed off. I know it's just small-talk but we all work in a department of about 120 people so if they stick around it's quite likely they'll be asking me for assistance in the next year or so. Beyond that it just felt like none of them actually gave a shit about what I was saying. It's completely the opposite from how I act when I'm speaking to people senior to me, or to be honest how I spoke to them.

Bloody hell that was long, but I needed to get it off my chest. Yes, I know I'm being precious.

OP posts:
cansu · 10/10/2022 21:31

You seem somehow annoyed that they were not deferential to you. Is there any reason why they should be careful around you or suck up to you?
So far you are moaning because
Someone bored you.
said something nice about a new joiner to your team about them having experience in an industry
made a fatal error in not acknowledging that you also know someone in the organisation.

Purplelion · 10/10/2022 21:38

You sound quite annoying to work with to be honest.

Bonbon21 · 10/10/2022 21:47

My sympathies... all these folk with their shiny new degrees... pity no-one takes them aside and gives them some lessons in how to speak... ...as in c o m m u n i c a t e with grown ups!!
Everybody should work on a tesco checkout for 6 months... lessons for life!

Begoniasforever · 10/10/2022 21:51

You sound like it was really important to you they recognised your seniority, when in reality you’re not much older and were facilitating as you’re the most junior and closest to them

what’s going on, do you not have a voice at work is that why you wanted to try to act like the big I am to those guys?

Begoniasforever · 10/10/2022 21:52

cansu · 10/10/2022 21:31

You seem somehow annoyed that they were not deferential to you. Is there any reason why they should be careful around you or suck up to you?
So far you are moaning because
Someone bored you.
said something nice about a new joiner to your team about them having experience in an industry
made a fatal error in not acknowledging that you also know someone in the organisation.

This, they didn’t do anything wrong other than not recognise she was very senior to them and treat her as such,

Original poster
DelightfullyPrecious · 10/10/2022 22:18

I don’t think I was annoyed by them not being deferential. I was definitely annoyed at being patronised by someone junior to me, and I was annoyed at having two people talk at me and seemingly ignore what I was saying in response.

OP posts:
Hulahulahulahoop · 10/10/2022 22:24

Begoniasforever · 10/10/2022 21:51

You sound like it was really important to you they recognised your seniority, when in reality you’re not much older and were facilitating as you’re the most junior and closest to them

what’s going on, do you not have a voice at work is that why you wanted to try to act like the big I am to those guys?

Exactly this

Kite22 · 10/10/2022 22:25

I have to agree with everyone else. It's not really clear what any of these people have done wrong.
You seem annoyed because they weren't cow towing to you over lunch. Hmm

I'm quite senior in my role but wouldn't expect anyone to treat me differently over lunch or coffee than any other colleague. Confused

Bonheurdupasse · 10/10/2022 22:25

Completely agree with you OP, I suppose one needs to be immersed in the type of workplace to understand how not interested in the substance of the work (and entitled to fancier work) they were.

Begoniasforever · 10/10/2022 22:29

DelightfullyPrecious · 10/10/2022 22:18

I don’t think I was annoyed by them not being deferential. I was definitely annoyed at being patronised by someone junior to me, and I was annoyed at having two people talk at me and seemingly ignore what I was saying in response.

Ok maybe you’re just not articulating yourself very well. It’s hard to see how they were patronising, I guess you expected them not to treat you like an equal, in fact you make it clear you didn’t. And that does come across as the main issue.

op, the truth is a good leader doesn’t behave in a hierarchical manner. They will converse with the mail person and not expect them to cow tow,

you are young still and maybe have some growing up to do. It’s hard when you’re the office junior and maybe that’s impacted you.

tickticksnooze · 10/10/2022 22:32

Another person who complained they'd been dragged into a team doing quite boring work, and I said I sympathised because I'd spent the first few years of my career doing that exact thing. They must've just listened, eyes glazed, because they narrated all the very boring procedures they have to perform and gave me a run down of exactly why they had to do it. I said 'I know' quite a bit.

Regardless of what pp say, I do think that's pretty obnoxious for a grad with no experience to be moaning to more experienced colleagues about having to start with the boring stuff as they develop their own skills.

It lacks insight.

StarDolphins · 10/10/2022 22:35

You sound like my ex - wanting everyone to see how superior he was & treat him like ‘best mentor’ & be put on a high pedestal & more importantly to be somehow ‘feared’. Given that you don’t seem to be much higher ranked them, I don’t get what they’ve done wrong.

EndlessMagpies · 10/10/2022 22:37

I can see exactly where you are coming from OP, because this once happened to me in a previous job (banking). I'd been working there for several years, and part of my role one year was to train some of the new graduate intake. Boy, were they up themselves. Did they want to be shown how to do things by me? Hell no.

You have my sympathies.

Pixiedust1234 · 10/10/2022 22:38

I am reading man, man, woman.

Ladybug14 · 10/10/2022 22:40

You are being precious.

But not delightfully precious.

ConfusedHmm

tickticksnooze · 10/10/2022 22:41

Begoniasforever · 10/10/2022 22:29

Ok maybe you’re just not articulating yourself very well. It’s hard to see how they were patronising, I guess you expected them not to treat you like an equal, in fact you make it clear you didn’t. And that does come across as the main issue.

op, the truth is a good leader doesn’t behave in a hierarchical manner. They will converse with the mail person and not expect them to cow tow,

you are young still and maybe have some growing up to do. It’s hard when you’re the office junior and maybe that’s impacted you.

Show quote history

Eh? It's not about being deferential, it's recognising that as a grad you are not actually an expert in that field and maybe just maybe you have things to learn from your technical colleagues by listening and building relationships with them - instead of lecturing more experienced colleagues about how hard done by you are for having to start with the basics. That's just embarrassing.

I'd expect grads to be listening and learning from support staff too, not delivering entitled lectures.

DoItAfraid · 10/10/2022 22:42

This has to be professional services - probably FS. Am i correct?!

tickticksnooze · 10/10/2022 22:45

Did op want to be put on a pedestal or did op just want them to listen to a word she said? (As is the usual social norm for conversations...)

Ozgirl75 · 10/10/2022 22:47

Tricky - do you come across as quite young yourself? Maybe they saw you as a peer? When I worked as a lawyer in London, I didn’t qualify until I was 26 because I had a year out, did the law conversion after my degree so I was still junior when I was late 20s. Others though who had gone “straight through” were qualified by 24 and I remember one man a few years above me was a Partner by 30 (although this was very unusual).
Im sure they’ll get into the swing of things the longer they’re there, it doesn’t sound like they were too bad and no one can get conversation right 100% of the time.

SavingsThreads · 10/10/2022 22:56

i have to agree with everyone else. It's not really clear what any of these people have done wrong

Are people reading the examples?! How are they anything but rude?

TeddyTonks · 10/10/2022 23:04

Big 4?

MrsJackRackham · 10/10/2022 23:08

OP I used to see it all the time in the whisky industry. Shiny new grad trying to tell a 50+ experienced still man how to do his job.
That'll no work son.
Well Andy, I've a PhD in distilling so we'll do it my way.
<Yield plummets, product substandard>
Andy 👀

PinkFrogss · 10/10/2022 23:10

Replace “young” with black, or disabled, or gay. I hope you aren’t showing your ageism show at work OP.

You mostly sound annoyed that they don’t bow down to your wisdom and authority. In reality they are new and finding their way in the workplace. If they are new to a professional environment they may be anxious on how to talk with more senior colleagues such as yourself.

If you’re in your late twenties you can’t be that much older than them, and your colleagues may have been thinking the same about you just a mere few years ago. Give them a chance to settle in and find their feet, just as you have.

ThirtyThreeTrees · 10/10/2022 23:12

I remember starting as a graduate. I have graduated top of my class, bought into all the company bullshit about how prestigious a programme it was, that those of us in the room were in the top 1% who applied and we were the future of the company.

Naive as it sounds, I swallowed the bullshit and was fairly impressed with myself. All of us were at the time.

It's youth, naivety, stupidity, academically intelligent but socially stupid and it's the exact same with most graduates. It disappears quickly.

VerveClique · 10/10/2022 23:17

They’re just trying to impress.

Do a tiny eyeroll to yourself and move on.

This is part of YOUR development too!!