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Original poster

Work trip and small DC

35 replies

GigiSamFam · 07/10/2022 06:41

We have a team trip planned in a few months. Everytime it gets mentioned everyone looks so excited and my heart just drops.

Ideally I'd prefer not to go, but I'm wondering if everyone thinks I'm just being weird in which case I'll try to get over it.

I have a 1 and 4 year old. 1y old currently still BF, though that might have fizzled out by then. DH is more than capable, but we have no family or support nearby, so still a big ask. I wouldn't just be a few hours away, it's a 12 hour flight.

What does everyone think? After 2 years of Covid and one year of maternity leave I don't know if I'm just getting unnecessarily anxious and overwhelmed about a normal situation?

OP posts:
UpdownUpdownAltogetherNow · 07/10/2022 06:48

I wouldn’t want to go but it can be difficult getting out of work events. I’m going on a two day training that involves an overnight stay but I’m going to come home each evening to see DS who is 7. I’ve never left him overnight and I don’t want to especially for something like work training.

There is no right or wrong. It’s all about what you are comfortable with and everyone is different.

Hotandbothereds · 07/10/2022 07:01

How long are you away? You must have child care in place if you’re working, or is your DP a SAHP?

Has your DP been away and you’ve had the kids on your own?

Mummummummumyyyyy · 07/10/2022 07:05

I’d feel exactly the same. I’m sure your partner and kids will be absolutely fine without you but like you say, a 12 hour flight away is an awful lot! How long will you be away for?

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Families
Dox9 · 07/10/2022 07:09

I did a couple of 2-5 day work trips when dd was still bf. My dh and dc came with me. I did work during the day and spent evenings with dh and dc. These were just European trips though. Dh took annual leave from his job.
One thing I say is that the one trip when dh and dc flew home 36 hour before me, I was in absolute agony with full breasts. Dc was 18 months and I honestly thought she didn't feed very much. Oh my god it was torture.

mellongoose · 07/10/2022 07:09

I've had to leave my DC for 3 night every week since they were 5 (now 8) for work. My DH covers. It doesn't look great written down, but this is my job and DC has been absolutely fine (thanks to FaceTime 😂).

It really depends on the child. I've been lucky.

megletthesecond · 07/10/2022 07:13

I wouldn't go. I'm a lone parent and have never done a work trip as I have no back up.

NamiSwan · 07/10/2022 07:16

I think its normal to feel apprehensive! I'm just about to embark on a 9 day trip to the other side of the world for a work trip, leaving my husband with my 3 kids (8, 6 and 2). 2 year old is still BF at bedtime. Yes, I'm nervous but I'm also a bit excited, but I have done a trip away before which makes a difference.

A few years ago I went away on a 2 week work trip (12 hours away) when my older two were 5 and 3. That was the first time I went away for an extended period of time and honestly I was so stressed about it beforehand and I wasn't even BF then and my kids were older than yours! But actually it was all 100% fine, my DH is competent and does his share of childcare / bedtimes normally so he could cope and everyone survived.

In your shoes (4 yo and 1 yo) I don't blame you for feeling apprehensive. But if you think everyone will manage it then go for it. You may find you actually enjoy having the time to focus on yourself/your career.

Meltingsocks · 07/10/2022 07:17

Go, enjoy the full nights sleep and being not-mum.

I did loads of trips when mine were small, some the kids were left with grandparents as I was widowed by then, so even with another parent. I have vivid memories of trying to hand pump off excess milk on the Eurostar.,

Kids will be 100 percent fine and your husband will benefit from having to cope alone, like women do, all over the world.

obsessedwithsleep · 07/10/2022 07:19

I wouldn't go personally. I really don't like being away from my similarly aged children for more than 24 hours max and 12 hours is so far away!

B1pbop · 07/10/2022 07:22

megletthesecond · 07/10/2022 07:13

I wouldn't go. I'm a lone parent and have never done a work trip as I have no back up.

Same here. If DH was still alive I would go if I wanted to.

Pepperama · 07/10/2022 07:23

You should feel free not to go - there will be a next time and it’ll be easier to leave a slightly older child. No workplace should expect overnights when you’re breastfeeding

On the other hand if you decide you’d like to go in sure your DH could manage. My and my other half’s jobs involve overnight travel a few times a year and whilst it’s not popular (apart from the ‘did you bring me something?’) , DC is totally used to it.

i tried the other half travelling with us when DC was small, but that dual role of working and parenting didn’t work at all for me.

Original poster
GigiSamFam · 07/10/2022 07:24

Thank you all. It's not clear how long yet, but most likely 4 or 5 nights. I'm not too worried about DH and his logistics, I think it's more about my instinct not letting me be so far away from my children.

I think I don't want to go but am annoyed with myself as I wish I did. I used to travel all over the world for work all the time, and they're some of my best memories. I didn't think it would feel so different after DC.

But I've suffered a bit with anxiety this year and I think putting myself out there, getting back in the world, might go some way in "curing" me a bit, but gosh it is so far away. I do feel like crying at the thought.

I will already be doing a couple of overnight work trips over the next few months, but in Europe, which I feel comfortable with. This one is pushing me a bit too much, argh!

OP posts:
OccasionalNachos · 07/10/2022 07:31

It’s normal to feel apprehensive, but I have 1-2 nights a fortnight away for work and 2yo DS is absolutely fine with it.

A 12 hour flight is completely different though, assuming that’s to Hong Kong or similar? I’d go, but I wouldn’t want that to be the first time away.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 07/10/2022 07:40

I was in a similar position earlier this year. Very very daunted by going to the USA for a week when, like you, I have previously flitted about all over the world giving big presentations and fitting in all sorts of travel type experiences too

I think with lockdown and the. May leave my world had got very small and I lost my confidence and independence

I went and it did make me feel better. I will be staying "low travel" for the foreseeable because it was a lot of impact on my family. But I recently went away more locally and was reflecting on how different I felt- didn't feel all emotional getting on the train with a suitcase this time thank goodness!

MotherOfCrocodiles · 07/10/2022 07:41

Lockdown then mat leave that should say!

CornishGem1975 · 07/10/2022 07:44

I have to travel for work every few months. Once we got the logistics sorted it was fine and honestly now I really looked forward to going out to dinner with adults and getting to spend some time alone in a hotel! We FaceTime while I'm away.

woff45 · 07/10/2022 07:46

I'd have relished the break at those ages tbh, if your DH is more than capable I don't understand the worry.

Original poster
GigiSamFam · 07/10/2022 07:52

@MotherOfCrocodiles yes that's exactly it, your world gets very small. It would be lovely to make it bigger again. I am glad it went well for you.

It will be the US for me too.

I really thought I'd be looking forward to a full night sleep and time to myself, but nature works in funny ways 😂

OP posts:
reluctantbrit · 07/10/2022 07:54

I started travelling again when a project I did pre-maternity leave kicked up again and DD was 16 month. That project took 3.5 years and I was away apprx 2x 1 week per month for 9 months a year.

Mostly in Europe but I was also 10 days in Singapore and 2.5 weeks in New York.

Absolutely doable when the partner pulls his weight. DH told his work that he works 1 hour less in the office and then did a bit at home when DD was in bed.

I loved doing my job without always looking at the clock and juggling DD, DH and myself. I had relaxing breakfasts, evenings out, managed to squeeze a bit of sightseeing in.

Enjoy it.

Ivyr0se · 07/10/2022 07:57

I wouldn't go and I wouldn't want to go.
I would resent the intrusion.
I wouldn't accept a role now, where traveling was a requirement though.

It actually annoys me when people say enjoy the full night sleep as if that in any way mitigates the disruption it causes.

woff45 · 07/10/2022 08:00

It actually annoys me when people say enjoy the full night sleep as if that in any way mitigates the disruption it causes.

What disruption?

Ivyr0se · 07/10/2022 08:16

I mean the disruption traveling for work causes to your life, so disruption to routine, hobbies, family caring commitments, sleeping and eating.

If you have children then it will have a knock on effect on their mood, maybe they might be upset, sleep badly, miss out on extra curricular or even just change to their childcare routine. That's presuming both parents are doing 50/50 and the other can't really change their work schedule to accommodate the parent who is away.

CornishGem1975 · 07/10/2022 08:19

There's no disruption or upset children here. If children can't deal with separation for a few days (while remaining with their other parent) then you've got bigger issues.

reluctantbrit · 07/10/2022 08:36

Ivyr0se · 07/10/2022 08:16

I mean the disruption traveling for work causes to your life, so disruption to routine, hobbies, family caring commitments, sleeping and eating.

If you have children then it will have a knock on effect on their mood, maybe they might be upset, sleep badly, miss out on extra curricular or even just change to their childcare routine. That's presuming both parents are doing 50/50 and the other can't really change their work schedule to accommodate the parent who is away.

It all depends on the set up.

DD was used to one parent off for work trips since she was 7 weeks. Most parents are able to handle absences without causing distress.

And yes - DH and I definitely enjoyed the peace and quite of a hotel stay compared to rushed breakfasts, childcare run and wake ups in the middle of the night. I actually think these trips kept us sane for the first 5 years of DD's life.

RagingWoke · 07/10/2022 08:49

I felt apprehensive the first few times I had nights away. After mat leave and covid it was very strange to suddenly be away from home, staying in a hotel and travelling. It's fine now and I'm not as nervous, and my dc barely even notice.

I've not been as far as US and 2 nights is the most I will do because anything more is too much disruption. As much as dh is competent, he still also has to work and looking after 2 small dc solo is a lot for either of us as we have no family support. Plus it's exhausting, the idea of a peaceful night in a hotel is lovely... but in reality it's not a relaxing experience! The strange bed, noise all night, the travel.

If it's not a regular thing you'll likely be fine as long as the bf dc is weaned enough and you can pump while away to maintain supply. But it's also fine to not be looking forward to it or not want to go.