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Original poster

Work trip and small DC

35 replies

GigiSamFam · 07/10/2022 06:41

We have a team trip planned in a few months. Everytime it gets mentioned everyone looks so excited and my heart just drops.

Ideally I'd prefer not to go, but I'm wondering if everyone thinks I'm just being weird in which case I'll try to get over it.

I have a 1 and 4 year old. 1y old currently still BF, though that might have fizzled out by then. DH is more than capable, but we have no family or support nearby, so still a big ask. I wouldn't just be a few hours away, it's a 12 hour flight.

What does everyone think? After 2 years of Covid and one year of maternity leave I don't know if I'm just getting unnecessarily anxious and overwhelmed about a normal situation?

OP posts:

woff45 · 07/10/2022 09:17

@Ivyr0se that's quite sweeping and presumptive. Both DH and I travel frequently for work, it's a part of the job we enjoy so we don't mind the "disruption" and our home life is set up so we can each take over when the other is away, no disruption to the kids routines, they carry on as they are, doesn't matter which of us is keeping it going. Doesn't affect the kids' sleep or mood at all, it's part of our family life as it is many others!

Tickledtrout · 07/10/2022 09:25

I think you're very insightful in recognising your anxiety here OP. My advice would be to acknowledge the challenge and go. As a working mother in a full on job it can be very easy to take on all the responsibility for home life too. It's a recipe for burnout and even resentment when work and DHs career move on and leave you behind.

homarrrerr · 07/10/2022 10:18

Oh god, this sort of thing fills me with dread.

Can you just lie and say you can't cover childcare or something?

My new job is going to require me to travel (I'm not going to though - I didn't apply for the role they just slotted me in to it). I'm going to milk it saying I haven't got childcare and I'm going to say that my partner is on call more than he really is.

Or just be honest with them?

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forevercooking · 07/10/2022 17:53

It's a big ask for your husband to look after his own children?

Mintcrumbler · 07/10/2022 18:15

I travelled (maybe 5-6 times a year) pre covid and pre child and went on the first trip again earlier this year. I put off booking it because I did feel worried about being away. But, when it came to it I really enjoyed the time away and my DC and DH were just fine. Totally normal to feel a bit anxious but my experience was it was fine when it came to it. I sent videos to my DC (now 2.5) which was easier due to the time difference, and she loved them.

Original poster

GigiSamFam · 07/10/2022 21:16

Thanks all, my confidence keeps growing as I read through the answers. I might even have felt some pangs of excitement at the thought of lovely breakfasts and dinners out!

I really relate to everything you said @RagingWoke though, and am also pretty sure sleep wouldn't be that great in a hotel room. It's also likely we'll be asked to share rooms which I absolutely loathe. In fact if that's the case, I'm definitely not going!

I've never pumped so probably wouldn't bother with that, I'm sort of ready to stop BF. I'd definitely need to have fully weaned before I go (had horrible pain just last week when DD fed a bit less than usual) and make sure DD can settle without a feed at bedtime otherwise I'm setting us all up for failure.

Lots to think about!

OP posts:

Blanketpolicy · 07/10/2022 21:32

I went on 4 night work trips to switzerland (one a month for 3 months). I was really anxious about going and leaving ds who was just over a year old, but there were really no alternatives. Once I got there it was ok and quite nice change having adult company, nice meals and a few drinks.

I was slightly disappointed ds didn't appear to miss me at all and dh had an absolute ball having 4 days alone time with him!

CornishGem1975 · 08/10/2022 18:15

@GigiSamFam The long luxurious hotel breakfast in peace is my favourite part!

Dammitthisisshit · 08/10/2022 18:36

*You should feel free not to go - there will be a next time and it’ll be easier to leave a slightly older child. No workplace should expect overnights when you’re breastfeeding

On the other hand if you decide you’d like to go in sure your DH could manage*

^^ this. In my company no returner after maternity leave is required to travel for work for a year (they can choose to do so). This is applied to all our mothers but is in place to support breastfeeding for the year post return. Trips after that time I’d arrange in consultation with whoever it was if they were in my team, there’s an expectation that they will start again but I’d expect to discuss and hopefully not send anyone on anything they’re uncomfortable with.

all that said it was a good thing for us as a couple that I left my husband with my 2 (nearly 3) and breast feeding 1 year old for a work trip.

Made us both help realise what we needed to do as parents.
we’d weaned down to 1 or occasionally 2 feeds a day and I thought it might end it but as soon as I got back she latched straight on like I’d never been away!

GyozaGuiting · 08/10/2022 18:40

I travelled for work for 1 week when DS was 1, it was fine- DH did a great job and they’ve got a lovely bond.
My 8 year old went on cubs camp for a week and loved it. Even though I found that quite hard! Sometimes it’s hard being away from them, but I think now and again it’s healthy.

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