Why do some people have to be clever and snarky about everything?

[Isaidnono]

Have a group of friends, we go out once a month. Trying to sort something for November, I said I had no plans for November yet so meaning any day was good for me. Got a snarky reply ‘oh apart from your dd birthday.’

FFS, my DDs birthday is on a Tuesday this year and that’s a day I don’t work. And we go out evenings and she’d be in bed.

It made me feel like a shit mum!

I have anxiety and read too much into everything but even I don't think it was meant as a dig. She was probably just checking you meant you were free then and weren't just assuming everyone knew you'd be busy that day. Unless she's got form for saying snarky things or something.

No I hear your OP. If there is precedence for someone ‘catching you out’ then these micro aggressions build up.

just reply factually: “My DD’s birthday is on a Tuesday so wasn’t a factor in our plans.”

If one of my genuine friendship group sent this I would assume they were sarcastically teasing me (pretending they thought I’d forgotten - in a jokey way) because that’s one way in which my friends tease each other fondly.

if a nice neutral person (not a close friend) sent it, I would assume they were being practical, really meaning: “you said any night is fine but I think we as a group should remember X date is probably not free for you as it’s your kids birthday. Y date is not free for me as it’s my DDs birthday that week too and I don’t want an arrangement on that day”

if it was sent by someone who I knew didn’t like me and has form for constantly criticising me, bitching about me, I would assume this was more of the same and also I would walk away. But I would be surprised I knew a grown woman who was that pathetically mean.

I don't think that was a mean comment at all. And potentially not even a banter or jokey comment?

I could imagine saying something similar if I read your message saying you were free, thought in my head "Oh yeah she doesn't have anything going on in November that she's mentioned, well there's her daughters birthday" and just said "out loud" the second part.

If you think these people are snarky and comment negatively on everything you do then why are you friends with them?

FWIW I'd not plan something for a friend's child's birthday as I'd assume they weren't free. I think you need to explicitly say "oh no I'm happy to do 24th even though it's X's birthday - she'll be asleep by the time we go out!"

I wouldn’t have read that as sarcastic at all, just casually commenting ‘oh apart from your dd’s birthday’ in response to you saying you had no plans that month. They probably thought you’d be impressed they remembered.

I think that communication over text/WhatsApp/SM in general can be so open to misinterpretation, but also people can sometimes make sarky comments which are unnecessary and that they wouldn't make in a person to person conversation . MN is a perfect example of this .