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Original poster

Why do some people have to be clever and snarky about everything?

57 replies

Isaidnono · 05/10/2022 08:01

Have a group of friends, we go out once a month. Trying to sort something for November, I said I had no plans for November yet so meaning any day was good for me. Got a snarky reply ‘oh apart from your dd birthday.’

FFS, my DDs birthday is on a Tuesday this year and that’s a day I don’t work. And we go out evenings and she’d be in bed.

It made me feel like a shit mum!

OP posts:
Original poster
Isaidnono · 05/10/2022 08:32

@FirstAidKitNowPlease our kids were all born in the same week.

OP posts:
Flowermarket · 05/10/2022 08:37

I'd just read it as a 'thinking out loud' message to remind the rest of the group. Maybe the personalities/dynamic of your group is different but for my friends, it would be more of a shared acknowledgement.

Flowermarket · 05/10/2022 08:38

Ps if it's a first birthday perhaps they're thinking you might be having a party that they will be invited to so want to keep it clear?

FirstAidKitNowPlease · 05/10/2022 08:41

Isaidnono · 05/10/2022 08:32

@FirstAidKitNowPlease our kids were all born in the same week.

Ok so I've got a friends like this.
At face value, I'd say it was a reminder of your connection then. UNLESS there is a back story

Malfi · 05/10/2022 08:42

I don’t see how that comment is snarky or a dig at all. I can’t even twist my mind into how you might think that.

LuciaPopp · 05/10/2022 08:44

I'd assume that she meant it really kindly- an acknowledgement of your DD's birthday as a special occasion and also perhaps a way of showing that it was a special occasion to her too as she remembered it. I definitely wouldn't assume she meant anything bad at all (unless there's a huge back story you haven't told).

ErrolTheDragon · 05/10/2022 08:46

It doesn't sound 'snarky' to me. If the reply was to the whole group then it would be a useful reminder to the others not to suggest your DDs birthday for the day out.

Interestingmauve · 05/10/2022 08:46

Were they having a dig at you or showing off that they'd remembered date?

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 05/10/2022 08:50

Isaidnono · 05/10/2022 08:12

I don’t want to be (who does??) but the insinuation to me was that I didn’t see my child’s birthday as a big deal, or that I’d forgotten about it or didn’t care about it. How did you take it, out of interest?

I think it would depend who said it. A fried id have just said 'oh that, yeah, meh'
someone less close, who I don't like. I'd have said something like 'yeah, but at x years old I don't feel the need to sit & watch her sleeping & after a child focussed day, I'll be more than ready for some adult conversation!'

LemonJuiceFromConcentrate · 05/10/2022 08:52

Flowermarket · 05/10/2022 08:37

I'd just read it as a 'thinking out loud' message to remind the rest of the group. Maybe the personalities/dynamic of your group is different but for my friends, it would be more of a shared acknowledgement.

I’d think the same, and I also think what @LuciaPopp said makes sense.

It seems like a stretch to interpret it as a dig or a reprimand.

That said, MN has really opened my eyes to how many people see “digs” everywhere. (I’m remembering a long thread about how, apparently, it’s universally understood that “you’re looking well” is a nasty dig meaning you’ve put on weight, and therefore anyone who tells you you look well is a bitch 🙄)

Imissmoominmama · 05/10/2022 08:53

I’d probably have replied, ‘Oh yes- knew I’d forgotten something! 😂’.

Kindly, I think you’re being a little bit over sensitive.

Lalliella · 05/10/2022 08:55

Crikey OP you’re way oversensitive. I’d take that as a jokey comment.

ChagSameachDoreen · 05/10/2022 08:55

I can't imagine having the time or patience for this level of pettiness.

MissingNashville · 05/10/2022 09:01

If any of my friends had said that, it would be meant in a funny way. Of course they would know I hadn’t forgot my child’s birthday, I think it was just something to say, acknowledging your child’s birthday, and all their children’s birthdays as they’re all born around the same time.

eyeteevee · 05/10/2022 09:05

I remain lost as to why a 1 year old birthday would mean an evening out with dinner and drinks would mean I needed reminding ..,

Urgh. It was just a comment not a bloody reminder from a personal assistant. She wasn't reminding you, she was thinking out loud.

people are using the word exhausting but tbf it’s exhausting being on the receiving end of stuff like this.

You are not on the receiving end of anything here but tbh as you are not willing to listen to the multiple posters telling you this I feel a step away from this friendship is your only way forward. You are so convinced this persons comment was a judgement on your parenting it's probably better if you don't mix with them again, I can't imagine how you would feel if they did say anything slightly off.

When anything you say gets commented on and not kindly, it does get you down.

It wasn't unkind of her to say it was your DC birthday though.

happy66 · 05/10/2022 09:14

it’s called banter. Popular with men.

my guess is you have not got an older brother a lady that set this has.

littleburn · 05/10/2022 09:16

Is this the only instance or are there other examples? I'd find it hard to get upset over this one comment, but if it's the latest in a pattern of snarky comments directed at you that's different.

happy66 · 05/10/2022 09:16

Sorry that made no sense. Is banter.

My guess is that the lady who sent this has got an older brother. And you have not. It is lighthearted banter. I love a bit of banter.

I’m surprised you are friends with them at all to be fair as you sound quite different.

Clymene · 05/10/2022 09:19

Isaidnono · 05/10/2022 08:32

@FirstAidKitNowPlease our kids were all born in the same week.

All your babies were born in the same week? Then it was definitely a joke.

Are you ok @FirstAidKitNowPlease? You don't seem to be in a good place to be taking a lighthearted comment as a dig at your parenting

ISaySteadyOn · 05/10/2022 09:21

I can't speak for your friend, but if I had written that, it would have been well meant and me trying to show you that I cared enough about you and DD to remember her birthday. Also, to remind the rest of the group that maybe you couldn't make it that day so let's suggest another one. It would be out of care not malice and I would feel terrible to think that anyone would feel that was a dig.

Interestingmauve · 05/10/2022 09:25

So she wasn't really reminding you she was saying actually we all have something happening that month?

Cuck00soup · 05/10/2022 09:26

It sounds like someone thinking out load to me unless there is context to change that view?

Most parents would probably do family stuff on their child's birthday, if her child's birthday is the same week she is probably thinking something like ok not the 7th as it's DC's Birthday, not the 5th it's bonfire night and not the 8th as it's x's birthday.

IncompleteSenten · 05/10/2022 09:28

I'd just reply no it's fine. We would be having her celebration during the day. The evening is still fine. She'll be fast asleep.

RiftGibbon · 05/10/2022 09:29

I don't see it as snarky. I had arranged to go out with friends a while ago and had one date that looked good for all, which happened to be my wedding anniversary. We had a very similar exchange to yours, OP. I laughed as I didn't think they'd remember the date, but I definitely didn't see it as a reprimand. I replied with a comment about not needing to celebrate after all these years, or something similar.

I was definitely more sensitive as a late teen and used to analyse every remark anyone made. As I have widened my friendship group, I've got much better at seeing light-hearted comments as just that.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 05/10/2022 09:29

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 05/10/2022 08:20

I was going to post the same, I don't see what the problem is but then I don't recognise the sort of person you're describing

Show quote history

I'm with these posters, if I'd got this message I would not assume they were making a dig. I'd more likely assume they were showing off that they remembered my kid's birthday tbh! And then I would share that we'd made no plans because XYZ.