Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

'Those who ask, don't get'

33 replies

eyeteevee · 04/10/2022 23:10

I heard this a lot growing up, I don't remember who by, so it could have been a common phrase but equally could have been isolated.

It would not have been said to me because I never spoke up as a child and definitely wouldn't have asked for something.

Does anyone remember it?

Also, is this not a really odd way to act towards a child? Nowadays we encourage communication but this has a tinge of 'children should be seen and not heard about it'

OP posts:
sourcreampringle · 04/10/2022 23:13

I thought it was ‘don’t ask don’t get’ so the other way round :/

Original poster
eyeteevee · 04/10/2022 23:14

Maybe I am just mixing it up Blush

OP posts:
Everylittlethingsgonnabealright · 04/10/2022 23:14

I’ve heard ‘don’t ask, don’t get’ before. It’s biblical I think - knock and the door shall be opened, ask and it will be given to you - so maybe quite ingrained in UK culture??

I haven’t heard ‘those who ask don’t get’

Original poster
eyeteevee · 04/10/2022 23:15

My memory of hearing it is wondering how someone would know you wanted something if you didn't ask though

OP posts:
GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 04/10/2022 23:15

I've only ever heard the opposite - 'you don't ask, you don't get'

More like yours is 'I want; doesn't get' which was a reminder to ask politely, not say 'I want x'

I agree 'those who ask, don't get' is bloody weird - how would anyone get anything if they don't ask?!

UWhatNow · 04/10/2022 23:16

I’ve learned in life that those who are CFs, pushy and grabby types get exactly what they want. Being polite, meek and waiting your turn rarely works.

NewBootsAndRanty · 04/10/2022 23:16

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 04/10/2022 23:15

I've only ever heard the opposite - 'you don't ask, you don't get'

More like yours is 'I want; doesn't get' which was a reminder to ask politely, not say 'I want x'

I agree 'those who ask, don't get' is bloody weird - how would anyone get anything if they don't ask?!

I grew up with "I want never gets".

stayathomer · 04/10/2022 23:17

I remember being told it once, but it was kind of that the pushy children don’t get what the polite ones do? There’s such a thin line really, because there are times it seems the loudest people get the most, and we saw an example of it once and I was so proud of my 13 year old as he regularly rolls his eyes at a guy who basically was pushy and loud and almost mean to staff and caused a scene and this got free tickets at an event

Notagardener · 04/10/2022 23:17

Oh in my language those who ask are skipped.

BrewNbiscuit · 04/10/2022 23:17

It was definitely a thing. I remember being bought something on one occasion specifically because I didn’t ask for it (tones of ‘aren’t you a good, non-demanding, little girl’). It was a terrible life lesson and I’m no-where near as assertive of self-promoting as I should be.

Original poster
eyeteevee · 04/10/2022 23:17

@UWhatNow

I'm just talking about kids asking for treats etc really.

Maybe I had a strange baby sitter or my nana said it to one of my cousins, or I just misremembered. The fact that I remember thinking it made no sense though makes me think it's was real from someone!!

OP posts:
SignOnTheWindow · 04/10/2022 23:17

Are you mixing it up with ''I want' seldom gets'?

Queuesarasarah · 04/10/2022 23:18

I’ve heard this OP. When I heard it, it was said by mums in the family to stop their kids squabbling over who got the red plate or similar! Is it a northern phrase?

SignOnTheWindow · 04/10/2022 23:18

Ah, cross posted!

TheLoupGarou · 04/10/2022 23:19

Yeah like 'shy bairns get nowt' - so if you speak up and ask for something you might get told no, but if you don't ask at all you definitely won't get it?

My gran used to say it if we were being a bit cheeky asking for something e.g: "bloody hell you cheeky bugger! Shy bairns get nowt!"

Milkand2sugarsplease · 04/10/2022 23:19

I think it's mixing up 2 different phrases.

"If you don't ask, you don't get" as in its always worth asking

And

"I want, doesn't get" as in I want I want i want when I was a child meant I wouldn't get but asking nicely gave me more chance.

Violashift · 04/10/2022 23:22

TheLoupGarou · 04/10/2022 23:19

Yeah like 'shy bairns get nowt' - so if you speak up and ask for something you might get told no, but if you don't ask at all you definitely won't get it?

My gran used to say it if we were being a bit cheeky asking for something e.g: "bloody hell you cheeky bugger! Shy bairns get nowt!"

Yes I remember this ' Shy bairns get nae sweets.

Also I want never gets.

Yellowcakestand · 04/10/2022 23:22

Yes!! We had "if you ask you don't get" because you are being rude for asking and "if you don't ask you still don't get", because they don't know.

TimeAtTheBar · 04/10/2022 23:23

Definitely don’t ask dont get in my house. Meant if you don’t ask directly you don’t get it. I don’t do subtle ‘is there a biscuit’. Say ‘I want a biscuit, please’. Has served me well in life.

dontgobaconmyheart · 04/10/2022 23:25

I've heard both sayings used - certainly we got ' those who ask, don't get' trotted out all the time to us as kids at home, mostly in the context of preventing us from seeing any benefit to repeatedly asking for things ( a cake if mum was making them, a toy in a shop etc). I'm not a fan of it really, people who rely on the same one liners in an attempt controlling others behaviour aren't usually particularly capable of much critical thinking or interpersonal skills.

Quite funny really, as a child we go the "those who ask, don't get" at home and then would go to my aunt and uncles house who would be on our case for being meek and not speaking up about what we wanted and would bring out the ' don't ask don't get' statements and would whip said cakes away with a "well those who don't ask don't get...."

lannistunut · 04/10/2022 23:28

'I want never gets' was said a lot.

Just an adult power trip.

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/10/2022 23:28

sourcreampringle · 04/10/2022 23:13

I thought it was ‘don’t ask don’t get’ so the other way round :/

I am pretty sure it was this OP

InterestQ · 04/10/2022 23:29

my mum would lose her temper if I asked for anything. She told me if I asked for something I definitely would never get it. I remember traipsing round a market with her on a boiling hot day hoping for an ice cream that I never got and when we got home I said “I thought you would give me an ice cream” and she said in total bemusement “but you never said you wanted one.”

they had no money but she was also just really shit with small children. She only liked them if they did that they were told automaton like. And she loathed me.

HumourReplacementTherapy · 04/10/2022 23:29

Yes I definitely remember it being a saying of my mums. I just used to have to drop major hints instead or STARE at the chocolates in the supermarket. It's all about being spoilt. How spoiling your child with anything is the worst thing you can do. May they be miserable and live with their Catholic guilt like a good wee girl and all that Grin

TheLoupGarou · 04/10/2022 23:30

We used to get "I want never gets" as well, but that was more about asking nicely - so "please may I have a cake?" rather that "I want a cake!"