Exactly what SPECIAL SEX TOY NEEDS does MN think MNers might have?!

[FurryDandelionSeekingMissile]

As opposed to any other woman's sex toy needs and wants?

And who tf is going to rub something called The Sorcerer on themselves? That doesn't <ahem> conjure up sexy imagery for me.

These bottom-of-the-page polls are getting weird. Who's doing them? What are they for — market research presumably? Has MN given us any info on them?

Yeah, it’s all a bit weird and creepy

Yeah, bit weird.

I found it both hilarious and creepy. I really want MN to explain what unique needs we might have for sex toys. Does it come with a packet of pom bears and a beaker?

Also "The Postman"? Wtf?

Ugh I would not buy a Mumsnet sex toy. Presumably they wouldn't brand it as such? Instant knicker dehydration.

Lol I misread that as a packet of porn bears… FFS

Every woman's fantasy — pulling open my bedside drawer, reaching in, taking out my Mumsnet™-branded vibrator, and murmuring to it, "At last, ten minutes with The Postman".

Would be better calling it Estrogel.
The Postman made mine slam shut.

The postman ? At least its not The milkman.

MN have been very quiet about what they do with the answers to the surveys.

I sort of get where they're going with The Whisperer — a vibrator so quiet it won't wake your kids in the next room! because of course there's not already a massive amount of vibrators specifically marketed on their quietness — but in a MN context it reeks of the feathery stroker.

Nobody is going to buy a Mumsnet-branded sex toy, except possibly as a gag gift. But it's all about the publicity I guess 🙄

The Reviver sounds like the kind of thing you'd see in the adverts at the back of old recipe books, between an ad for an electric hairbrush and another one for Eggo.

Maybe it always knocks twice?

Yeah. None of these

And who tf is going to rub something called The Sorcerer on themselves? That doesn't conjure up sexy imagery for me.

I'd do Snape. So there's that. And actually JKR is well-liked on here so maybe that is a specific MN thing.

<bleaches brain>

Surely “the Amazon Delivery Driver” these days?

If I was looking for someone to just drop their load and run I wouldn't need to buy a toy!

🤣🤣 Not seen any such ads or questions but you've all made an "older" MNer laugh out loud!

The Reviver? What are they suggesting?
We're all half dead?? Or just dead from the waist down?
Lucky we have the Mumsnet Reviver to bring us all back to life.

*Perhaps it's the MN version of a defibrillator.

Aren't these tailored to previous search activity from your cookies?

I get one about books 😞

Surely a Mumsnet sex toy would be called The Slooooow Cooker? Or at least include "Massive" in the name?

😂Thanks for this OP

The massive salad spinner?
Comes with its own beaker for a quick rinse down after use

The Plunger?

I'll get my coat.

Surely the CF (Cheeky Fucker) ?

or possibly The parking thread - not sure what that would look like but it's something we all can't wait to jump on!