People who don't like you

[RedRobyn2021]

How do you make yourself not care when people actively dislike you?

Someone I work with has decided that they don't like me and they're curt (or rude, if they're not a good mood) and this makes me feel annoyed and upset.

I don't want to waste my energy, but I don't know how to control how I feel.

Also, it's not curt or rude enough for me to have it out and ask what the problem is. She could easily pretend I'm imagining it, but I'm definitely not.

Am I really sensitive that this gets to me?

I don't have to make myself not care, I just don't!

Lol 😆 came on to say exactly the same. It comes with age. My dd often asks me how I do it and I say the same to her - you'll grow in to it.

One thing I do which helps to keep things manageable, is mirror peoples behaviour straight back to them immediately. I'm polite and they're snappy in response? I do it right back at them. Sneery facial expressions - exactly the same in return. An acquaintance/colleague is short and dismissive? I don't bother with her again and I have to I use minimal speech with no smiles. You'll be amazed at quickly mirroring behaviour draws people up short. They can't be offended because they just did the same to you first. Nine times out of ten they'll start to be more pleasant immediately. You can't make people like you, once they show they don't, don't ever try to make them or show them they're wrong about you, they have chosen not to like you, let them get on with it.

She's clearly not a decent person. Avoid or try and have as little interaction as possible.

We are all free to dislike other people but to openly act hostile, be rude, lie about others and/or bully is toxic behaviour and people who think they are entitled to act like this towards others need to go and see a psychologist for a diagnosis. Their behaviour is not normal or decent.

Work colleagues are not your friends generally, nor should they be. So as long as the job gets done, and it is not bullying or because of a personal characteristic, I am not bothered by such behaviour.

I couldn't give a flying f**k if someone doesn't like me.

I don't let it bother me, that probably annoys them more 😏.

Not everyone is going to like you and thats ok.
When you become immune as to whether people like you or not, you find a freedom unknown to many.

With some people you have to forget the "Treat others the way you want to be treated" but switch to "Treat people the way they treat you".
Start responding in kind and you will feel much better!

I've always turned it into a game, see how long it takes for me to make them like me. I'm just nice to them how I am to most people and I never let their disdain bother me. I'm just pleasant and eventually they end up being very nice to me. One woman turned on a work night out, had always seemed to just dislike me in work, and I did the above. On a work night out we ended up chatting at length. It's happened in other work situations. I like this game.

Fast-forward to peri-menopause when you stop giving a shit if people like you and when you consider it an active blessing if they want to avoid you.

I don't have to do anything, I just don't care. I have good self esteem. I enjoy my own company and that of the people around me who do like me. Imagine how utterly characterless and boring you'd have to be for everyone to like you?

Give less fucks

I don't know how old you are OP and how you were raised to be, but I think for me this has historically been a part of being raised to be kind. Male friends and my partner in my network and age group have more training and experience in shrugging this kind of thing off. I've learned a lot from them how to be less in tuned with how I feel with some colleagues and the freedom that's brought is invaluable.

You did the right thing! Cheeky of her thinking you need to know why she doesn't like you!