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Original poster

Does aging scare anyone else?

84 replies

Whengcame · 02/10/2022 02:02

A few pictures came up on Facebook of some local ladies. These women are not old. They would be late 40s going on 50. Seeing their pictures scared me because they aged so quickly. I couldn't believe it. It would be a few years since I last saw them but they looked well before. Now, their hair is thin, and there are winkles on the face and they did not look good.
Seeing what's in store for me for the future.

OP posts:
Raidtheice · 02/10/2022 02:12

No. Dying terrifies me.

I had temporary facial paralysis 7 years ago. Being temporarily disfigured made me appreciate what I have. My sister died in her 30s. I'm grateful to be able to grow old.

I know I've been THAT poster but it's sad that so many women hate themselves because of their appearance.

DramaAlpaca · 02/10/2022 02:15

No. I'm late 50s, I'm happy to be here and healthy. Ageing is normal, if you don't embrace it you are going to be miserable.

Handsoffmyrights · 02/10/2022 02:19

I'm 49. None of my friends look like the women you describe, but even if we did, so what?

What terrifies me is the misogyny that feeds the narrative on how women should look. To pretend we don't age and that we should pretend we are forever 21. We all get older, but if you base your worth on looks alone, then you're in for a shock.

What about the men you know of that age, how do they look?

Cameleongirl · 02/10/2022 02:48

I’m 48 and I don’t mind being middle-aged. I don’t really want to be elderly, though, it’s nothing to do with looks, but quality of life. Aside from my Mum, who developed a chronic illness and died in her 60’s, most of my family get to late 80’s/90’s, but the ailments increase in their 80’s. Not fatal necessarily, just restricting like arthritis, lungs not so great, etc.
I’d prefer to go slightly earlier, before that kicks in!

Dimsumbun · 02/10/2022 02:50

What scares me is pain and death.

I have had four friends die in the last five years aged 32,41,54,55. I also have a friend riddled with arthritis who is 54, healthy lifestyle, positive person but it got her.

funzeny · 02/10/2022 03:08

Dimsumbun · 02/10/2022 02:50

What scares me is pain and death.

I have had four friends die in the last five years aged 32,41,54,55. I also have a friend riddled with arthritis who is 54, healthy lifestyle, positive person but it got her.

I'm terrified of dying in pain. No one is allowed to die anymore I'm scared of being kept alive in pain, unable to more or make a decision anymore. Kept alive to basically breathe in a bed for years. That's what scares me: I'd rather be dead , but you might not get that decision.

AsAnyFuleKno · 02/10/2022 03:19

As pps have said, the alternative is far more frightening,

I'm nearly 50 and no longer give a fuck about ageing.

daretodenim · 02/10/2022 03:22

Not scared of death and while I don't want to look older then I am I'm not scared of that.

I am scared of the lessening of physical capacity that comes through aging. I lived with severe back and neck pain - at times debilitating - until my early 30s and I've got an autoimmune condition that can impact my memory. Also had a few illnesses that left me (temporarily) barely able to walk. Oh and PTSD from being sexually assaulted by a medic when I'll in hospital.

The idea of again and permanently losing my ability to do things and being physically reliant on people for intimate care when I can't communicate properly is beyond horrific. Would rather euthanasia. Trouble is if you've got memory issues then you're ineligible and that's often part of aging.

Also bring frail in general - being a "little old lady" is not something to look forward to.

So I've started weight lifting again this week in a bid to at least keep my muscle mass up. Reduced likelihood of falling if you're strong, plus doing balance and flexibility training.

I'm in my 40s so I reckon I've got time enough! It's not the solution but at least it's something I can do.

Imogensmumma · 02/10/2022 03:22

I feel like I’m running out of time and that scares me….I want to travel more and live overseas again but then reality hits and I’ll need a home that is easy on the knees aS I’m 40 and stairs kill me

SNWannabe · 02/10/2022 03:25

funzeny · 02/10/2022 03:08

I'm terrified of dying in pain. No one is allowed to die anymore I'm scared of being kept alive in pain, unable to more or make a decision anymore. Kept alive to basically breathe in a bed for years. That's what scares me: I'd rather be dead , but you might not get that decision.

Show quote history

Make sure you discuss your wishes with your loved ones so they know what you want and don’t want. Consider making someone a power of attorney for healthcare or welfare soon- it won’t come into effect until and unless you lack capacity but you can’t make someone POA once that happens. Make sure they know what you want. Look at Hospital Anticipatory Care Plan options including whether you’d want active treatment eg antibiotics or IV fluids should you end up in a bad situation eg on a ventilator following a massive stroke. Many people don’t make their wishes clear and then their loved ones try to save their lives at any cost, as they can’t or won’t let go. People need to discuss what they want before it happens.

SNWannabe · 02/10/2022 03:27

@Whengcame Check your privilege, and your internalised misogyny. I didn't think I would live to see 30 or my kids grow up. I am so incredibly blessed to do so- bloody lucky to have wrinkles and who the hell are you to say they “don’t look good”? Change your mindset now and appreciate what you have. Look after your health over your looks.

Cherryana · 02/10/2022 03:28

I have been physically fit and kept myself physically fit and have recently developed arthritis….to be in this chronic pain for the rest of my life scares me.

merrymelodies · 02/10/2022 03:31

I'm in my 50s and am taking care of myself by exercising, eating well and getting as much sleep as I can. I can run, jump, skip and hop!Smile

ShippingNews · 02/10/2022 03:38

I'm 63 - and glad to be here and healthy. Things like wrinkles kind of creep up on you - I have very few but I've no idea when they appeared. They just slowly evolved, and they don't bother me.

There's no point in being scared of aging, especially when you use the example of some pictures of women in their 40's . To me that would seem young !

Try to enjoy your life, and don't stress about getting older. My sister died at 40 , she'll never grow old but I'm very glad to be me and not her.

Imissmoominmama · 02/10/2022 03:47

I’m 56, and while I’m happy to be ageing as gracefully as I can, I’m fucking terrified that I might get dementia. All the women on my mum’s side have had it.

FlowerArranger · 02/10/2022 03:57

@Whengcame - stop stressing about how you'll look when you're old and focus on keeping fit and healthy.

Seriously - look after your heart and your bones. Eat healthily and exercise*.
The rest will take care of itself.

  • mostly lean protein and vegetables ** weight bearing & cardio/HIIT - try Growingannanas and Caroline Girvan
echt · 02/10/2022 05:13

Whengcame · 02/10/2022 02:02

A few pictures came up on Facebook of some local ladies. These women are not old. They would be late 40s going on 50. Seeing their pictures scared me because they aged so quickly. I couldn't believe it. It would be a few years since I last saw them but they looked well before. Now, their hair is thin, and there are winkles on the face and they did not look good.
Seeing what's in store for me for the future.

It would have been more honest if you'd titled your thread: Does looking older scare anyone else?

Get over it. Really. Being healthy is far more important, and frequently not in your control. If you get to the wrinkly stage of life, be grateful.

funzeny · 02/10/2022 05:50

@SNWannabe
What a response! How much you are lucky but actual facts to sort to look after your future. Thanks for that I needed that to step up actually!

RoachTheHorse · 02/10/2022 06:38

No. Or doesn't scare me. It's a fact of life. A fact of long life and I intend to embrace it and run with it. I hope to to end up very old and wrinkly and enjoying my children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.

I am 41, my hands are starting to look old (I notice it when I'm driving). My face is getting lines. I ache more. But I'm happy nonetheless.

PinkPanther57 · 02/10/2022 06:41

Why don’t celebrities age as fast? Presumably it’s possible to look 5-10 years younger if resources allow.

MintJulia · 02/10/2022 06:43

No. I'm 59, still running parkrun, still got thick, brown (with a bit of help) hair. Still doing everything I ever could. But knowing I can stop work in 6 months if I need to, makes me far less stressed. Having no mortgage helps too. There are benefits to being older.

I had a health scare a while ago and what frightened me was the thought of not being there for my DS. I don't really think about natural ageing beyond dying my hair once every six weeks.

kitty1993 · 02/10/2022 06:43

It used to and then I had my daughter and now aging excites me because I'll get to watch her grow into a beautiful person. I also have some great role models in my life of older women who look fab and have a lot of fun!
I say bring it on!!

Speedweed · 02/10/2022 06:52

You're scared because you're applying your own bias against age to your future self. Jessica Delfino writes very well on this in her newsletter, and how the beauty industry taps into 'anti' aging (ie active discrimination) to give the impression that buying stuff can get rid of the fear (when all it does it stoke the prejudice which intensifies the fear).

exLtEveDallas · 02/10/2022 07:03

I’m 50 and I’ve only really just started thinking about it. Not my looks, couldn’t give a shit about that, but my abilities/health.

I had a fall this summer, doing something physical but that 10/20/30 years ago was like second nature. The fall itself was daft, but it left me in proper (albeit temporary) pain for about 3 weeks, and needing physio now 3 months on. It impacted on my mood, almost ruined a much needed holiday, and has left me feeling quite down on myself.

I know I need to man up and get over myself, but I can’t help worrying about the future and focusing on the things I can’t do any more, rather than what I can. I think once I’m ‘fixed’ I’m going to take a bloody good look at myself and do what I can to rebuild my physical health and hopefully my MH at the same time.

Doingmybest12 · 02/10/2022 07:07

I am conscious about running out of time now that I am older. I am not happy about that but aging as in looks it is just what it is. We are fit and healthy and are comfortable, hopefully those things will continue ,if not those things would worry me. And I always think I don't cope with pain well so would worry about that or needing awful medical treatment. So looks are way down on the list.