I wish I had my shit together like this

[canyoudtep]

My sister is amazing, she has all her shit together.

As an emergency, I took my niece into school Friday morning.

Her sandwiches are cut into little love hearts. There's a little napkin with a message saying 'I love you! Mummy' on there.

Her house is spotless. Everything ironed and everything is neat. Whites brilliantly white. The house smells fresh and clean. No overpowering chemical nonsense.

My niece is dressed implacably well, she looks smart and polished all the time. And yes she's allowed to play and get dirty

My nephew is disabled at a special school and he too is dressed very smart, my sister makes huge efforts for him appearance wise and he too is well dressed.

She's funny, kind. Clean car. She looks naturally so well put together and pretty. I look a bloody mess!

My house smells a bit crap, doesn't smell of course but isn't like hers. My washing isn't as nice. I spend far too much time watching crap on telly.

I can never seem to get my act together. I'm always running late!

My daughter is a year old and very gobby! She's stressful to be around a lot of the time. Not her fault obviously. Whereas my sister has obviously parented better as niece is a delight and everyone in the family says so when my own DD isn't in ear shot

My daughter has too much screen time. Because I simply can't be bothered a lot of the time. My niece doesn't even own a tablet!

No point to this thread other than I wish I could be more like this

Maybe your sister never watches TV? Or is sleep deprived?

Maybe her house has less stuff..

I guess the morale of the story is... you get out as much as you put in.

Sounds like you can't be arsed to put much effort in, and the outcome is.. well your life as you've described it.

You can change though. Just put more effort and energy into things you care about.

Or don't and accept the outcome.

I think comparison is the thief of joy.

Be happy and proud of what you have. Don't compare yourself to others. Your sister perhaps has her own issues, worries and lack of self esteem. People often look like they are doing amazingly and yet can be struggling inside.

If you want to be like that, then why don’t you 🤷‍♀️

baby steps, delayed gratification, do 5 chores, laundry etc and then watch one of your favourite netflux shows. Then do another 5 chores etc

it’s your choices in life

@canyoudtep , I completely get where you are coming from! I have inattentive-type ADHD and it always feels like I am 3 steps behind. If that's the case, getting motivated isn't straightforward or as simple as @alwaysmovingforwards suggests. Not an excuse, but a potential reason.

Your one year old is gobby?

I have that too... but my sister has ADHD and autism (Asperger's). You'd never ever know unless she told you, though

There was an almost identical thread the other week with some interesting responses. Basically, we all make choices within our individual circumstances. Some people prefer neatness and order.

My life is too short to be your sister. If you're happy, change things. But I'm happy. Immaculate children and a spotless house don't fill me with joy. So I don't prioritise that. She does.

I meant to say my one who's the same age is gobby!

Niece is 5, my DD is 6

Maybe, as your DNephew is disabled, your DSis feels helpless about some aspects of her life so puts the effort into the bits she can have an impact on. I'm guessing you wouldn't want to swap with her and have a child with disabilities

At some point you have to forgive yourself for being you. I assume you prioritise what you enjoy - maybe your sister is doing the same. I hope so.

My life was once 'perfect' i wasn't, i was exhausted and unable to relax, sleep - I'd go to bed at 9, wake at 1 am work until 5 then sneak back to bed.
My house was spotless, I'd hoover twice a day and get upset if I couldn't
I didn't go anywhere without a full plan of what was happening when. I had to control everything to try and feel like I had any control on anything
Just because someone seems picture perfect doesn't mean they are.
Enjoy your mess, enjoy your strong willed opinionated daughter - only change these things if the benefits truly outweigh the effort needed to change

How much do either of you work?

Comparison really is the theif of joy.
Maybe she envies you in ways you don’t realise.
Yes she is neat, tidy and well put together but that doesn’t mean she has the perfect life.
My sister is far better off than I am, seems to always get things right in life and on top of that always seems so lucky. The weather is always lovely when she is on holiday or needs to be outside, she had loads of really good friends and seems to have a really interesting and fun life.
But whilst all that is true, the way her husband speaks to her is truly awful. Don’t know how she puts up with it but she always seems to with a smile.
Another friend has the life you mentioned, house impeccably clean, kids extremely well dressed. She is in her 40’s but absolutely stunningly beautiful and slim and tall. Graceful. But I know she had loads of problems with her children and I strongly suspect from what she’s told me that it’s her husbands demands that make her tidy and clean like a maniac before he steps in through the front door.
If you want to make some changes to your life, you can. Just focus on one thing, one goal. But the secret to life is not to compare and envy. Be happy with the things you do have, not what you don’t.

I understand. I see this on Instagram. About perfect people with their perfect
life , perfect houses etc.

i am getting better about beating myself up. I don’t have small children anymore. But I do have medical problems that I struggle with.

It’s hard not to compare yourself. But I would rather spend an hour in my craft room or garden than spend the time on my nails or doing my hair.

Your sister has Aspergers. Is it possible she needs everything 'just so' to be able to relax so has barely any time relaxing?

My son has Aspergers. I see a lot of traits in myself. I can't do anything by halves! So if having a tidy house is on the agenda I don't stop until I'm done.

Same with everything, all in it all out.

I bet you are doing a lot better than you give yourself credit for op.

I would imagine you have lots of traits which your sister wishes she had.

I long for that perfection too, but I try and really look at what I have achieved rather than focussing on the stuff I haven't.

Be nice to yourself! And I absolutely love a gobby child they are my favourite type

Do you both work roughly the same hours?
I'd love it if my house was as immaculately curated as my primary school classroom. I don't have a choice about the classroom -it is expected, and we're always inviting other schools and local authority education leaders on bloody learning walks etc, so it has to be amazeballs. If you popped around to mine this evening, you'd think I didn't give a shit about my house and that I'm a lazy sow.
I'd love to devote the kind of time I spend at school at home, but there are only so many hours in the day.
Is there perhaps a similar thing going on in your life; you may be spending an inordinate amount of time at work?

Re the TV thing; I've never got time to watch TV, so here's a trick: I watch a bit of the first episode of whatever people are talking about so I get an idea of what it's about, then I just google what happened at the end of the series. I won't necessarily be able to join in with any conversations about it, but can nod along and won't feel completely clueless. It could save you quite a bit of time: 6 x 50 mins for a BBC drama series?

Well get rid of your kids tablet, book a cleaner for a deep clean, book a valet or get it done when you go shopping, stop watching so much tv and keep on top of it all.

I go through different stages in life. Sometimes I've got it all together (bar car) sometimes I'm disorganised and nothing goes right. I know I'm much happier in a routine though.

Clean car!! I hear you. The leather bit on the clutch looks like it's collecting my dead skin cells. I need to sort my shit out.

And yet you were the one able to help her in an emergency.

Don't put yourself down.

There's no use comparing, you're two different people, and your kids are different people. Maybe people praise your sister but it doesn't mean they're slagging you off.

Family member of mine always seemed to have their shit together. Absolutely stunning home, perfectly turned out kids, successful job, perfect marriage. Five star holidays etc. I was in awe of her.

Few years ago her marriage broke down. Turns out she was so obsessed with what people saw and thought That they'd got into massive debt. She could never properly relax.

Things are not always as they seem I suppose.

I'm glad that nowdays she's learning to be more laid back and enjoy life

Does your sister have a job or is she full time stay at home parent?