I wish I had my shit together like this

[canyoudtep]

My sister is amazing, she has all her shit together.

As an emergency, I took my niece into school Friday morning.

Her sandwiches are cut into little love hearts. There's a little napkin with a message saying 'I love you! Mummy' on there.

Her house is spotless. Everything ironed and everything is neat. Whites brilliantly white. The house smells fresh and clean. No overpowering chemical nonsense.

My niece is dressed implacably well, she looks smart and polished all the time. And yes she's allowed to play and get dirty

My nephew is disabled at a special school and he too is dressed very smart, my sister makes huge efforts for him appearance wise and he too is well dressed.

She's funny, kind. Clean car. She looks naturally so well put together and pretty. I look a bloody mess!

My house smells a bit crap, doesn't smell of course but isn't like hers. My washing isn't as nice. I spend far too much time watching crap on telly.

I can never seem to get my act together. I'm always running late!

My daughter is a year old and very gobby! She's stressful to be around a lot of the time. Not her fault obviously. Whereas my sister has obviously parented better as niece is a delight and everyone in the family says so when my own DD isn't in ear shot

My daughter has too much screen time. Because I simply can't be bothered a lot of the time. My niece doesn't even own a tablet!

No point to this thread other than I wish I could be more like this

Re the TV thing; I've never got time to watch TV, so here's a trick: I watch a bit of the first episode of whatever people are talking about so I get an idea of what it's about, then I just google what happened at the end of the series. I won't necessarily be able to join in with any conversations about it, but can nod along and won't feel completely clueless. It could save you quite a bit of time: 6 x 50 mins for a BBC drama series?

I used to buy a cheap TV guide magazine. Half an hour on a Saturday and I can join in with all the soap and series of the week chat 😂

I do actually watch a lot of Tv- I just hate soaps but it was the main topic of conversation at a job I had, and you were right out of the social loop if you didn’t know your eastenders from your hollyoaks…

I can tell you now that the tidy and perfect house is there to help her feel in control with her ADHD. She can find her keys. She knows where the sports kits are - hanging up washed and ready. She has the laundry done and dusted. The house is immaculate so she knows she hasn't missed anything. The love heart sandwiches remind her that she has got this. Her neat and polished children tell her she has eventually conquered this thing called parenting and adulting.

You should feel very proud of her.

It sounds like you're not living in accordance with your own ethics and values. When we do we feel happier, more content.

Heart-shaped sandwiches sound absolutely ridiculous so there's one less thing to be envious about.

Before I even saw the update about her ADHD and Asperger’s I had thought she might feel compelled to have her shit together to try and calm her mind. I’m very much like your sister and it’s exhausting but I have to have everything just right. It started with post natal depression for me and it was about making what I did have control over ‘perfect’. I’d love to be able to switch off sometimes! Maybe she would like to be more like you than you realise.

Would you consider getting rid of your TV? We did a few years ago, and while we still watch the odd thing on Netflix I literally have hours of every day back that I used to just while away in front of the TV. We have a projector and a big roll-down screen now, so it takes a bit more effort to watch something (but also feels like more of an experience) and we've ended up being waaay more selective about what we watch as a result.
I might have missed this upthread but do you or your sister have partners? Maybe hers is also more helpful than yours? 🤷🏼‍♀️

Personally I think having your shit together is underrated, it brings a great deal of contentment.

Most people could achieve it in a few weeks if they put their minds to it, but maybe it is easier to watch a box set than blitz the house, organise the sock draw and iron your clothes.

Does she have a job?

What does she do with the offcuts? Bin them?

All that matters is that you are both happy and enjoying your life!

I suspect I'm projected as your sister to the outside world however :

I am permanently knackered ! I don't sleep till
1/2am most nights and probably sleep in two hour tranches as my mind is constantly busy a few nights a week. I tend to go on a few spa weekends a year just to unwind but of course people don't know why!

I am organised as it makes life soo much easier for me but I also have an obsession with being in control of everything! I have fear of messing up soo badly that I have to plan every day out to the final minute!

I actually enjoying looking nice so invest a lot in my appearance ( regular beauty trips and shopping for a new outfit whenever I'm meeting friends ) however I am naturally slim thankfully and don't like processed or fast food as I was raised like this so it makes it easier for me to maintain a slim figure . I do occasionally run and exercise but think once or twice a week. It's not really my thing so not very consistent to be honest !

I socialise once a week and do love a bit or culture / entertainment/ dining out a lovely restaurants. To others it may appear as more often but I tend to limit myself to only one night out a week or bi weekly .

My ds6 isn't a great fan of screen time but that's just luck not my doing ! I don't like tv neither does my hubby . I prefer to read and dh prefers to spend time knocking our house down so he must have somehow not bothered with screen time like us! He does own an iPad though for those long car journeys!

We enjoy 5 star holidays in different countries however I work bloody long hours at work! Sometimes working till midnight and no one sees that of course ! Two weeks in Bali is definitely needed after that!!

My dh does help alot and for this I am thankful !

Albeit:

It's bloody hard work !!! It's about using every available time constructively .
I work from home a few days a week so use my lunch time to cook from scratch/ do household admin/catch up on letters ,appointments etc / clean the house . Without remote work I would have sank by now ! I think this has been the greatest boost to my sanity !

Also we have a decent disposable income so able to outsource a few tasks and afford wrap around childcare which gives us time to get things done or even go out for a lunch date !

It's down to a number of elements and some people have none , some or a lot . Its also down to what genuinely makes you happy - a tidy house , holiday and lovely clothes makes me feel great - you do what makes you feel happy and invest in that but don't try to replicate your sister . She may be happy with the busyness of having her life so immaculate as the output outweighs her input but you may not doing the same thing!

Find YOUR thing and let it make YOU happy!!

My sister is the complete opposite of your sister. Her house is extremely unkempt. Cleaning and ironing are nowhere near the top of a list of her priorities. She has, however, raised 3 girls who have all excelled at school. Her eldest is a teacher, her middle one got the highest scores possible in her a-levels (maths, science and psychology) and may study some form of science at university, and the youngest, although a bit melancholy, is an advocate for all human rights. I'm proud of my nieces and my sister. She's done an amazing job.

I spend far too much time watching crap on telly

There's one issue you can fix!

You haven’t mentioned how many hours per either of you work, how supportive your respective partners are etc?

My husband is really supportive and pulls his weight

My sister is a single parent!

Oh and I work full time. My sister is a carer but works part time a few days a week, at lunch times in a school

I think the working hours make all the difference. I’m usually exhausted straight after work so don’t beat yourself up

just like a social media page , some people only show what they think others will approve of , others live a less involved non edited life

Sometimes being a single parent and having a routine keeps you a lot more on the ball.

I was extremely organised as a single parent witb two primary aged dc. You don't get the chance to be chaotic or lazy.

I imagine she never stops, probably always cleaning tidying ironing etc. To some people the cleanest house and best dressed kids, looking well out together is their top priority. For most it isn't and they'd rather have spare time to watch Netflix etc.